DP wants to go on new DC's BC

[Jackieharris]

He has just raised this out of the blue.

He isn't on our eldest DC's bc. That's never caused a problem. Now he's saying he wants that changed too.

I know this is 'normal practice' (hence posting on fwr not aibu/chat/parenting/relationships) but it's made me really anxious.

It came so out of the blue, I didn't have much of a response prepared. I said it hadn't caused any problems so why change. I said I didn't want to give up my exclusive rights. He said why and I gave the hypothetical scenario of him running off with a younger woman then being able to restrict where I live etc after a split.

He knew about my stance on this before we had dc1. He knows I had a very bad relationship experience before him (life threatening violence, stalking and breaking into new house after break up type stuff) so I just won't ever feel 100% safe with any man ever and need to have the security that I could escape if that happened again. From my PoV if he was on bc he could potentially use this power to continue to abuse me even if I left. (So many threads like that on relationships board and I know some irl examples too)

As long as he was never violent I'd always let him have fair access to dcs so I said to him why does he want it unless he doesn't trust me?

I'm now going to be constantly worried he'll bring it up again. Maybe he won't. I'll not mention it if he doesn't.

Oops 6 not 3

Psudeo intellectual is an insult. Your I just googled defense is pretty much like saying 'I just googled arrogant shit, not insult'

I didn't call you it Out I just googled it when a poster asked what the difference was.

And now you are saying I'm just a bit like a pseudo intellectual, so that's okay? Catch on to yourself

You put a list about how pseudo intellectuals behave and named me on it.

Well, this has now turned into a complete waste of time. Bash the FWR regulars is becoming too frequent an event so excuse me if I don't participate any longer as it's just noise now.

Nope I just said that number 6 hit home with me because that is exactly what you were doing in the early hours. Which you were. You know I love to copy and paste so I can C & P some of the big words you used if you like,. I am not ashamed to say I didn't understand a lot of them and had to google their definitions. You may use them simply because you are more intellectually wordy than me or you may have used them because none of my posts contained such words and you were trying to make me feel small......I think it is the latter.

Sorry to dreail, Blistory.

This is the post I replied "Yes" to:

Reginafalangie Mon 18-May-15 23:02:54
He is part of the oppressive class, though.

Why because he is a man?

Not a post 1 1/2 hrs previous to that. Why would you think I was replying to your post of Mon 18-May-15 21:36:17 when we had a conversation in between .

I think someone is being disingenuous here so I'm out.

Only on number 6. I don't for one second think you are a 15 year old.

Sorry that was in response to Regina's post at Tue 19-May-15 20:44:49. Just in case anyone else wants to take anything else I say out of context.

No apologies to me needed, Outs. It's just ever so tedious to see women now being disparaged for their intelligence.

No Scallop that is not true as you only posted those 2 comments in that time. It is there for people to see. I have not been disingenuous at all I have copied exactly what you posted.

Christ you even said it yourself!!

scallopsrgreat Mon 18-May-15 23:17:07
I was responding to your comment about how true feminists should behave.

And what I asked was:

Reginafalangie Mon 18-May-15 21:36:17
Why can't it be termed as abuse??
Just because the OP is a women??

No other oppressed group is expected live with and love their oppressors

Really hmm do you think a true feminist should never love a man or live with him or god forbid have children with him? What a ridiculous close minded thing to say.

Whatever Blis You lot on here think you are the be all and end all. Whoa betide anyone having a slightly different point of view.

My posts have been honest and all I have done is repeat what you have all posted. If that makes you look bad then stop posting like doormen at a cheap club and allow others to join in.

I actually never said the pseudo intelligent comment I just googled what it meant. I have stated that I am not as intelligent and did have to google many words out used last night. I am not knocking anyones intelligence but I think it is unfair to use yours to put others down or make them feel small.

Right, again for about the fourth time on this thread, I'm going to say, I posted in good faith and actually have been very polite to you Regina.I hadn't actually noticed hours or anyone else's vocabulary particularly, except seeing how happy people are to be quite insulting and rude about other posters.

I know language can make things inaccessible but since we're all using computers I don't worry because people can easily look stuff up. I think it would be super patronising and arrogant of me to moderate my language as if it were just so complex and difficult that an ordinary person using a computer can't work it out. Anyway, I obviously just think of myself as talking, I don't think about wordiness and I actually just think you are being deliberately rude in suggesting that I am trying to do anything except explain myself fully. Again, the insults instead of discussion, really.

scallops im pretty sure you earlierused the specific term "true feminists" will have to try and locate it..

ah sorry i was premature, regina found it! so that's what i read and thought and regina as well obviously

Ok Out you are perfect and wonderful and I have been at fault all the time.

I actually can't be bothered, I have wasted too many hours on this board and I should have learnt after the last time.

You are all perfectly happy with just the regulars that post, you have all made that perfectly clear and anyone outside that is not welcome.

Fine keep your board. Be happy with your man beating and frankly at times women who don't share your every thought beating.

Maybe ask MNHQ for a sign saying Keep out that way uneducated non intelligent men loving newbies will not accidentally think you are an inclusive board and dare to post.

If people were trying to make you feel small, surely they'd make comments on your intelligence and vocabulary? You are the only person doing that. And you copied a list about psudeo intelligence and named me in it. Behaving, you claim, like someone on that list. You didn't just copy and paste it to help out another poster, you copied it to have a nasty laugh about how I fit the bill.

you copied it to have a nasty laugh about how I fit the bill.

That wasn't the intention however when I read number 6 it did make me think of you....and yes I laughed. Not nastily more in a "ha yeah you did that last night" kind of realisation way.

You've been really rude, you've made disingenuous claims about scallops using 'true feminist' quoting someone else on it , and you've been called on it, Regina. That's all that happened.

If people were trying to make you feel small, surely they'd make comments on your intelligence and vocabulary?

Gosh, that's pleasant.

Do I just pop in here on really bad days?

How can you think saying I behave like a pseudo intellectual and tried to belittle you with words I search frantically through a theasrus for is not insulting?

I really feel sorry for the sons of certain posters here. Nothing but pursing an agenda and to alienate men and young boys. Sorry for what you have been through OP but I'm also sorry for your DP who hope you can see things from his side

You've been really rude, you've made disingenuous claims about scallops using 'true feminist' quoting someone else on it , and you've been called on it, Regina. That's all that happened.

No that is not true at all. Even Mr Bloom saw the comment as it was. I haven't added anything, scallops comment is still there for all to see with no deletions in between.

Isn't it more I called scallop on it?