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Original poster

Why is menstruation so dirty?

220 replies

IceBeing · 18/03/2015 22:01

I got so much interesting information from my last thread I thought I would try again!

I mean I know the answer is 'the patriarchy' but....

why do I feel so repelled by all things menstrual? I am pretty sure I'm not alone...but while I would have no issue whatsoever with someone seeing a blood stain on my arm (from a cut or something) I would actually die from shame if anyone saw my menstrual blood.

How do I stop my DD from being infected with the idea that menstruation is dirty?

How do I cure myself?

I have managed to cure myself of the idea that armpit hair is dirty...and leg hair...but this seems an order of magnitude harder!

OP posts:
TheCowThatLaughs · 18/03/2015 22:20

Having a mooncup made me realise that's menstrual blood isn't dirty. I think it's because I realised that it doesn't in fact smell unpleasant, the smell is caused when it's absorbed by tampons or towels. Also, having closer contact with it when emptying the cup has somehow made me accept it and make my peace with it. And obviously feminism has helped a lot too

TheWanderingUterus · 18/03/2015 22:29

It has been linked to pollution, magic, damage, curses etc for thousands of years.

A mysterious process, bleeding without dying, associated with the curse of Eve etc, there is a lot of cultural baggage to overcome.

I talk about it a lot at home to my children and husband (doing a PhD on it), once you get over the stigma it becomes much easier. It's actually a fascinating process, but historically it has been used in horrible ways to restrict the activities of women.

BriarRainbowshimmer · 18/03/2015 23:07

Shouldn't bleeding without dying logically be linked to being fucking awesome?

TheWanderingUterus · 18/03/2015 23:10

Quite obviouslyGrin.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 18/03/2015 23:21

Well in the old days I imagine it was a bit trickier what with lack of sanitary stuff/hot water.

Probably messy too, but I think the perception of it goes far beyond that.

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2015 23:30

I think you're confusing 'dirty' with 'personal'.

You wouldn't be ashamed of someone seeing blood from a cut on your arm, but you would be ashamed of them seeing blood that's come out of your vagina.

Well I wouldn't be ashamed of someone seeing puke that's left my stomach, but I would be ashamed of them seeing shit that's left my arse.

My DH also wouldn't be ashamed of someone seeing his puke, but he would be ashamed of someone seeing shit that's left his arse.

I'm not sure what we can take from that...other than as human beings, we tend to not like to advertise things that come from our 'private' orifices.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 18/03/2015 23:36

That's true. Although I would actually be ashamed if someone seeing my sick.

Maybe because it's internal ?

HerrenaHarridan · 18/03/2015 23:36

if you had wet or shat yourself you wouldn't want anyone to see that where as you (meaning I) would be less worried about say bogeys.

I think because menstrual blood comes from the same area we leave it under the umbrella of bodily waste. Which technically it is.
I wonder is the overwhelming urge to hide it harks right back to a predator/prey thing?

Personally it doesn't phase me anymore, moon cups and lesbian sex worked for me, I'm not sure how you'd feel about recreating that therapy though.

SilverBirch2015 · 18/03/2015 23:37

I went through quite an early menopause at about 42, pretty uneventful but glad to be shot of the inconvenience and yuckyness. After 15 years I feel a little wistful and miss my monthly cycle. Might be odd advice but relish them with hindsight mensturation is an amazingly truly feminine experience.

StillLostAtTheStation · 19/03/2015 00:30

My DH also wouldn't be ashamed of someone seeing his puke, but he would be ashamed of someone seeing shit that's left his arse.

My son from a very early age , before he was out of nappies, and goodness only knows why, decided he wanted privacy when having a bowel motion. When he was still in nappies he would go into another room (which made toilet training relatively easy as it was so obvious when he needed to go).

He didn't like anyone seeing him on a potty and we never got "look mummy I've done a poo"
Honestly we are not uptight , this was all off his own bat.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 00:33

I agree with Worra. It's because it's more personal. I don't feel dirty at all, nothing dirty about it. Its just because its personal to me. Like peeing and pooing. It's a product that is being expelled from my body, I don't know where the initial shame came about for all these things but it isn't just about periods so I don't believe it's a feminist issue.

StillLostAtTheStation · 19/03/2015 00:33

I can't say I miss it at all. It was very painful, messy (so much of it) and I did find the smell of even fresh flow pretty awful. I had endometrial ablation mid 40s, wish I'd had it sooner.

StillLostAtTheStation · 19/03/2015 00:35

Not shame, just so messy.

rivetingrosie · 19/03/2015 07:10

StillLost my niece does the same thing - squats in her nappy and shoos everyone away (but then has her nappy changed for her of course!)

I try and have a similar attitude towards menstrual blood as I do towards wee. Wee is less disgusting than poo, probably because it's not likely to make us sick. It's unpleasant but totally safe to glug down a pint of wee, but the bacteria in poo makes it an ill-advised snack.

I'm quite happy to tell people I'm off to have a wee, don't mind people hearing the tinkle, don't feel especially disgusted by it. I try to be the same about my period. There's no biological reason why menstrual blood should be more disgusting than wee.

When I was an undergraduate I lived with one male and one female friend. We kept our tampon packets on the top of the loo and one time my male flatmate complained about it and asked if we could keep it in a cupboard or something. I said only if he was prepared to keep the toilet paper in a cupboard too, or else under one of those weird little tea cosy things, since toilet paper is a constant reminder of POO and BUMS, which are definitely more gross than a harmless bit of blood. He relented.

Reminded me of this - reductress.com/post/how-far-down-his-bathroom-garbage-should-you-place-your-used-tampon-2/

TheCowThatLaughs · 19/03/2015 08:01

I did find the smell of even fresh flow pretty awful

I find it hardly smells at all, only very slightly of blood, a sort of iron smell

ChunkyPickle · 19/03/2015 09:32

Both my DSes did the same Still - wander off to poo - strange isn't it. The oldest now is happy to have and be company in the toilet when pooing (unfortunately), but the 18 month old has started demanding his nappy off to go and sit on the potty, but we're not allowed to comment on it or look at him while he does!

I've tried to counter it by just being open about it - DS1 calls tampons my blood thingies, and I don't hide what's going on. Hopefully that'll be enough to normalise it and keep communication open as they get older.

Can't say that I notice any smell from even tampons though.

nikkinack · 19/03/2015 09:50

On the comparison between blood from a cut and menstrual blood, how similar are they in composition? I've been wondering recently. They seem like very different bodily fluids to me.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 19/03/2015 10:44

Menstrual blood is seen as dirty in the judeo-christian tradition because it's part of women's punishment for allowing sin to enter the world, and because blood is the seat of all life. It's remained part of the judeo-christian psyche because a large number of church fathers were misogynist men who wanted women to know their bloody place, if you take women out of the equation for 5 days out of every 28, they become a lot less relevant. This has become the basis of all sorts of strange taboos.

Omnivore and carnivore feaces is actually dangerous to humans, especially if it gets into the water table, the taboos around it are fairly sensible precautions when looked at through the lens of pre-water treatment plant society, and urine was incredibly useful.

JeanneTheRabidFeminist · 19/03/2015 11:01

Although, I think some women in the past wouldn't have menstruated as much as women do now (pill aside). Bad diet plus lots of pregnancy. You get saints who are very happy when their periods stop, because it's a sign they've mortified their bodies into manliness.

fustybritches · 19/03/2015 12:06

I'm torn on this. My dd is 4, and my instinct is to keep my period secret from her until she's old enough to understand.

When I first started my period it was after a couple of years of dreading its arrival, and I was so sad. I don't want dd to worry about it basically.

But I do also support the idea of removing the taboo around menstration.

fustybritches · 19/03/2015 12:06

*menstruation

PuffinsAreFictitious · 19/03/2015 12:08

Ugh yes.

BarbarianMum · 19/03/2015 12:19

My sons (9 and 7) are slightly freaked out by the idea of menustration. They can't quite accept that just because there is blood doesn't mean I'm hurt (as in injured). Mind you, they are generally completely freaked out by the sight of blood, esp their own. No doctors in this family

MrsCakesPrecognitionisSwitched · 19/03/2015 12:19

I think that historically people must have been much more aware of menstruation. No disposable pads so cloths needed to be washed and dried and (what with everyone living in overcrowded housing) they must have been visible to men and women.
I think the rules around women not being able to cook or have sex, may actually have come as a blessed relief to women who were otherwise kept continually pregnant and toiling (even in the 1950s housework took approx. 75 hours a week).
So I'm not sure if the attitude of normal people was "agghh, begone you foul and unclean witch", or if that is just what the literate clerics chose to record.

And I agree with the pp about mooncups - hugely demystifying for me and I feel more in control than I did using disposable sanpro.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 19/03/2015 12:21

I've tended to be quite private about my period and now dd is too (since she started hers) We did talk about it a bit both beforehand and when they first started. I do wonder if I ought to be a bit more open with her but maybe we're both quite private people? I hope it's OK this way and that she knows I'm here to talk to about anything at all if she wants to - more so than my DM I hope. She's talked with me about various relationships between her friends so I hope she'll include me if there's anyone she likes. I'm sure being able to share that kind of thing, and any feelings and dilemmas involved there, wlll be more important?