Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

[PuffinsAreFictitious]

Just starting this one as the last is nearly full

Your ex boss sounds like my mom, Helena . Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is ever good enough.

kickass That's right. But the conditioning is so deep that it's hard sometimes to tell yourself that you are doing fine. I sometimes do that and then tell myself not to be so smug.

I do try to remind myself of all the stuff I'm getting right and to make decisions based on what I think is good/right rather than what other people expect. E.g. At the weekend DD and DH love to laze around and do lots of sedentary things.i was brought up to be busy all the time, and outdoors if the weather is nice. However, not only do I have fairly crappy underlying health issues which mean I need to rest and relax, but DD is on the spectrum and has anxiety and needs down time, and DH works really long hours. We do go out and do something, at least once each day,but my parents are horrified that were not all dressed and busy by 9 am. I have really had to teach myself to get over my conditioning to accept that our family lifestyle is actually good for us, not lazy, wasteful and ruining DD's life.

I also regularly remind myself how fucking privileged I am to live in a time and place where I have the headspace to even think about these things.

My mother was also like that. I just stopped telling her stuff, so she only got a very edited version of my life.

I've mentioned this many times, but my mum was genuinely shocked one Christmas when I said that I was relaxing as the turkey was in the oven and we'd opened all the presents. DH was building Lego with DD and I was reading a new book. My mum thought I should be doing something. For a fleeting second I felt guilty, then decided that I could bloody well relax and enjoy Christmas Day with my family!

Fibon EBear

kickass that sounds like a wonderful Christmas to me.

My mother's bee in her bonnet was about my lack of grooming, meaning not wearing makeup to Computer Science school . She now takes delight in rubbing in the fact that I have to dress up a lot for work, as per the American Corporation thread.

I work for an American corporation, but I mostly wear just trousers and t-shirt and cardi. Jeans are Friday only, though. And I do occasionally wear a dress or a trouser suit, if there's something big on. I never wear make-up. Well, occasionally I wear nail varnish.

urgh!
just been on the phone with DSis. she has been moaning about being somewhere touristy that was really busy and "full of foreigners". not only am I an immigrant, but DSis lived in Norway for several years. Apparently they went for a bit of a walk and got away from "the foreigners".

(and I know that coach loads of people are annoying, but no need to other them quite so much)

kickass I used to know someone who used to know someone who denies she's foreign anywhere because she's British.

Well I got annoyed with all the tourists when I was away last week. I conveniently ignored the fact that I was a tourist and had brought 58 other tourists with me - on a bus, so we're the worst sort of tourist!

Tourists are mostly annoying, foreigners are not all annoying, I rather suspect that they're annoying in roughly the same proportion as everyone else. Sorry your sis was rude and made you sad kickass

Quite about some of the answers on this thread. Please let them all have been educated outside Europe, just please....

We had our first influx of tourists this week. That'll teach me to move to the seaside.

I don't generally mind tourists, foreign or otherwise.

Yeah, there was a bit too much emphasis on their foreignness. My sister is very little Britain, and becoming more so as she gets older.

These weren't foreign. Well, they were from Manchester, but....

May I come in and have a glum pint over the boat race?

I am aware it's an Oxbridge thing and therefore dubious, and so on, but I was really excited about them having the women racing in the main event for the first time, and having Clare Balding commentating.

And I thought it was really a bit poor, TBH. The Cambridge women made the point that they had far worse training facilities and funding than the men, and yet they chose for a soundbite after the race, a man explaining 'well, Cambridge just need to get the message out' and claiming they had the 'right' facilities and just needed women to apply.

So ... the problem with women in sport is just women, then, not applying?

(I admit, just for now, I am partisan, but mainly I am irritated in a feminist way.)

How about they provide the women with equal funding and training, give it 2 to 3 years, then see how many applicants they get?

Perhaps they could swap facilities see how that works out. If after a couple of years women still cba to apply, then they could swap back again.

Yes, that would be nice to see!

What Kickass said.

But YAY Oxford women!

Sorry.

We shall return.

(Actually, I really don't usually care, I just do this year. But brilliant to see women on the proper course.)

What was quite exciting was that no one I was with yesterday was talking about the men's race - they were all talking about the women's race. but I agree with you jeanne - there is a balance that needs to be redressed.

Nazir Afzal gave a really interesting interview on the Today programme just now - worth listening again if you get the chance.

Yup. I would love men's sport to say to women's, "well, let's see how fair we can make this. You have our level of funding for 100 years and we'll have yours, then we'll reconvene and see what happens."

It seems to me that while men in general love to tell women that various inequalities are right and just because men are simply better, they are very rarely willing to put their money where their mouths are. If men were truly confident in their superiority, they would have no need to object to women receiving equal sports funding, boardroom quotas, equal pay, mixed sports teams etc. But they seem to be very resist to actually letting women compete on an even footing, either in sport or in business. Odd.