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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Feeling cross about the little things?

75 replies

RedHairDontCare · 16/02/2015 14:37

I stumbled upon a zombie thread about those little sexist things that happen that make you angry, but seem too insignificant to argue/post about, I agreed with lots of the posters and what they had written, so thought I would start another one for venting!

One thing that winds me up is men apologising for swearing in front of me because I'm female, next time I'm going to try apologising to them when I swear to point out how weird it is!

OP posts:

grimbletart · 16/02/2015 15:23

Actually RedHair it's not weird when you realise what the motive is.
It goes like this: they swear in front of the little women to show how macho they are. They then apologise to a)underline your little woman status and b)emphasise how macho they are. So weird to us, but twisted logic to them. They are hitting you with a double whammy.

Many years ago on one occasion when I was subjected to this double-think I told the swearer. "Either swear and don't apologise or don't swear in the first place. In the meantime I know what you are up to, so fuck off".

PuffinsAreFictitious · 16/02/2015 15:26

If men apologise for swearing in front of me, I tend to say something along the lines of, "nah, it's ok, I swear like a fucking trooper anyway" and then smile sweetly.

It's bollocks, they're doing it for the exact reasons grimble pointed out.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 16/02/2015 15:37

That makes a lot of sense grimble! Its also frustrating when I'm talking about something and swear and everyone is all "ooooh someone is in a bad mood" etc whereas when the men I know swear they never get picked up on it

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whatdoesittake48 · 16/02/2015 15:43

People always apologise to me for swearing because they know I hate it. It never occurred to me that it was because i am a woman. But it is almost always a man that apologises.
Another little thing are bus drivers who wait for women to sit down but drive off while men are still looking for a seat. I have seen this a few times. Always seemed odd.

SunshineBossaNova · 16/02/2015 15:51

I've been told off for swearing because it's not 'ladylike'.

Fuck that noise.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 16/02/2015 16:07

If I'm ever in the reception area at work people always assume I am the receptionist and not the guy sat down, at the reception desk, with the badge on..

OP posts:

SunshineBossaNova · 16/02/2015 16:12

In one role I used to manage a man.

When we went visiting people often assumed he was my manager. FFS.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 16/02/2015 16:29

When I was younger I worked at a cafe, every girl that started had to learn to clean the toilets in their first shift, a boy was there for 3 months without doing it once..

Although that might not count because I didn't feel it was insignificant and very much argued about it.

OP posts:

CaptainWentworth · 16/02/2015 16:34

I was annoyed when I was helping on a training course at work that involved a formal dinner. The joining instructions specified the dress code was 'suits for men and dresses for women.' Why not just business dress for all?

I did moan briefly to a director about it though and said I didn't feel it helped our efforts as a firm to be more inclusive. I was particularly exasperated about it as the course was for new graduates joining us, so I didn't want them being started off with mildly sexist experiences!

CaptainWentworth · 16/02/2015 16:37

Oh and while I'm on a roll, the maitre d person at our wedding reception point blank refused to introduce us both as 'Dr and Dr XX' when we went in for dinner - said he couldn't possibly and it had to be Dr and Mrs. No one ever calls me Dr now- I know, I know, it doesn't matter, but I do wonder if it's because of him.

Still kicking myself for not being quick enough to just ask him to say 'bride and groom' instead.

grimbletart · 16/02/2015 17:17

Or Dr and Mr Captain

grimbletart · 16/02/2015 17:18

I had a male secretary for about five years back in the early 90s. Cue, much bafflement and amusing (if you can be laid back it) situations.

grimbletart · 16/02/2015 17:18

about it I mean

BertieBotts · 16/02/2015 17:21

Oh yes. I started one of these threads years ago. Good to have somewhere to let it out :) I have not noticed any today, happily.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 16/02/2015 17:45

I had my hair done today, I try to discourage chatting by cultivating a surly uncommunicative manner (I just like drifting into my own thoughts) but before I had established this, the hairdresser asked if I had DCs then asked " and who's got them today?" Would DH be asked this? No, the assumption would be that they are with the OTHER PARENT FFS.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 16/02/2015 19:26

I was out for dinner with a male friend, he ordered a kcal saving dish and I ordered a burger with chips and onion rings, when it's brought over to the table however the dieting option is put down in front of me no questions asked. Instantly while the waiter was still there I picked up the burger plate and said "I'm not on a diet, but thanks for thinking I was..."

OP posts:

PilchardPrincess · 16/02/2015 19:51

oooh captain that reminded me

work do a couple of years ago and ads up around the building
Men: Suit
Women: Dress to impress

Really pissed me off every time I saw it!

PuffinsAreFictitious · 16/02/2015 20:06

Red.... DH and I now have a little game, we order each other's food, just to see who gets served what, and I invariably get given whichever isn't the steak even if I have ordered the bloody thing, and then I will ask for the bill, you'd be amazed how many times DH then gets handed the bill.

We now work out how much to tip based on whether the server gets it right or not.

thatstoast · 16/02/2015 20:34

My little things which have been bugging me are:

Male colleague calling my team 'girls'. We are all women.
I attended a session on 'equality' and we had to name all the 'protected characteristics'. The group had named everything except pregnancy/maternity so I went to answer and I found myself saying "is it pregnancy related?" rather than just saying the answer. So I'm annoyed with myself for sounding unsure even though I was 100% sure. Stupid brain.

TeiTetua · 16/02/2015 22:09

I actually wrote up the memo for a "work do" some years ago. This was a technical company where the general clothing style was if you cared about your appearance, you had your clean jeans on, so some guidance was necessary. I said:
"Gentleman, coat and tie. Ladies, your second-best pearls."

Was that so very wrong?

alsmutko · 16/02/2015 22:35

Good to let a little rant out every so often.
I used to work in a hospital. A clerk in Medical records in A&E. If I ever told someone what I did for a living 'I work in a hospital! (Because they wouldn't know what a Bed Bureau was and that would cause sniggering anyway) I'd get 'oh you're a nurse'.
No. I'm not a nurse. If I was a nurse I'd say 'I'm a nurse'.
Why assume I'm a nurse? Is it because I'm female?
Because of course, all men who work in hospitals are doctors and all women are nurses. And hospital staff are ALL doctors or nurses. No cleaners, cooks, phlebotomists, radiographers, porters, occupational therapists or dieticians. No.

alsmutko · 16/02/2015 22:39

Oh and btw ThatsToast, the manager in that Bed Bureau (before I took over) used to call her staff 'my girls'. The female manager.
Serious not ironically.

EBearhug · 17/02/2015 00:11

I was was on a conf call for a women's group at work today, and someone addressed us first as girls and then corrected herself - to ladies. I would have argued the toss, but it was a conf call, and difficult enough to hear as it was, and I was focussing on other things.

I too hate the swearing thing; either them saying "not in front of a woman," or telling me off for doing it. (Don't wind me up by being a twat, and I am unlikely to swear.) I can swear in more than one language (that is one of the times I've been told off for swearing, actually.)

Same with the dodgy jokes. If you can't say it in front of me, you shouldn't be saying it in the workplace at all. I suspect it's not coincidence that the main culprit for this grew up in a military family.

lavenderhoney · 17/02/2015 00:33

I was described as a damsel in distress today. I wasn't impressed. I wasn't in distress, I was merely reprogramming the boiler, all on my own, without any tears or drama.

I said " don't be ridiculous" and carried on.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 17/02/2015 08:50

Puffins I love that idea, might have to try that next time. Although usually its both of us ordering steak so might not work as well.
I do find people looking shocked when I order my steak blue and the strongest cheeses, like enjoying good food is a typically male trait.

What makes me more annoyed at anything is when you point out these little things and someone makes a joke about periods. I would like to throttle those people but feel it would just add to their idiotic theory.

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