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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Feeling cross about the little things?

75 replies

RedHairDontCare · 16/02/2015 14:37

I stumbled upon a zombie thread about those little sexist things that happen that make you angry, but seem too insignificant to argue/post about, I agreed with lots of the posters and what they had written, so thought I would start another one for venting!

One thing that winds me up is men apologising for swearing in front of me because I'm female, next time I'm going to try apologising to them when I swear to point out how weird it is!

OP posts:

MehsMum · 19/02/2015 20:12

Children's shoes: don't even start me on this. I have a houseful of DDs and they started walking in 'boys shoes' because I wanted navy blue or brown ones that wouldn't show the mud, and the girls ones were pastel pink. Likewise, it usually seemed easier to buy blue or brown boys trousers that wouldn't show the dirt rather than pastel pink/mauve/green/cream leggings that would. I wanted them to be able to play outside without wrecking their clothes.

When DH and I got married, the registrar said, once the ceremony is over I will introduce as Mr and Mrs Husband'sName.
No, I said, I'm keeping my name, so I'd rather you didn't do that.
He did it anyway. I still grind my teeth at the memory.

My SILs mostly declare themselves to be feminists, but they still tend to call me Mrs Husband'sName on letters - because they can't be arsed to learn to spell my name.

Children's picture books: have you ever noticed how many of the characters are male? Even when it wouldn't matter at all? I did once go through a couple with Tippex and a black biro. I have calmed down since then, but it still annoys me when I notice.

OFrabjousDay · 19/02/2015 22:07

All this 'Who killed Lucy Beale' hype about Eastenders is winding me up. I never watch Eastenders so I don't have any context and it just feels like murder-of-women-as-entertainment.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 20/02/2015 07:46

I think the behaviour of waiters has improved, they normally give the bill to whichever of us asks for it now. DH and I don't drink a bottle of wine but when I go out in a regular mixed group of friends they tend to ask whoever ordered the wine if they'd like to taste it.

alsmutko · 20/02/2015 12:29

Re children's toys. I can't find it now. But there was a diagram posted on FB recently.
'Is this toy for boys or girls?
'Do you operate it with the genitals?' Yes: This not a toy for children.
No: this toy is for either boys or girls.

StillLostAtTheStation · 20/02/2015 21:43

*The way the waiter always pours the man the first glass of wine to taste even if I or another woman ordered"

This is a nightmare for FIL who is a recovering alcoholic and does NOT want glasses of wine in front of him*

Don't think I have ever seen this happen. The wine waiter offers the tasting to whoever ordered the wine. I usually can't be bothered and just tell them to pour it.

PetulaGordino · 20/02/2015 22:01

Well obviously I'm lying about it then

TheBookofRuth · 20/02/2015 22:57

Waiter tonight: "we have two other cocktails which aren't on the menu. One is just for the ladies, the other could be for either."

I resisted the urge to ask if I had to drink the first one with my tits.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 21/02/2015 09:38

Thebook assuming the 'ladies' one is pink and sweet? How ridiculous.

OP posts:

funnyvalentine · 21/02/2015 12:52

At a recent conference I was sitting chatting to two women. A man came over, sat down with us and started completely dominating the conversation. Not even paying the slightest bit of attention to what we were already talking about.

Also, getting a man's t-shirt at said conference. I asked about women's, and was told "no, we only have s,m,l"

StillLostAtTheStation · 21/02/2015 14:14

Well obviously I'm lying about it then Well obviously I'm lying about it then

I did not say that. Equally your reply could be interpreted the same way. No doubt if I'd posted about my experience of being oppressed by patriarchal wine waiters that would have met with approval. Just that I can't think of a single occasion it's ever happened to me.

PetulaGordino · 21/02/2015 14:17

you can't have it both ways. you have regularly said that based on responses you get on here that people are saying you have imagined certain situations, and no one has said that to you either. i'm sure you haven't experienced wine being put in front of someone who didn't place the order, so much the better. but you see how strange it is that when someone has a different experience to you they then accuse you of saying that they have been lying when you give your own experience?

ScotsWhaHae · 22/02/2015 08:58

I was singing on karaoke at a pub and the dj gave me the mic and told me to hold it right up to my mouth, like a cock.

rosedavo · 26/02/2015 17:26

At work (work in a petrol station) i was taking in a delivery, which i do every day, one of the drivers (man) told me to 'stand there and look pretty' i was like wtf, told my manager how sexist he was and got told not to bother reporting it as it wouldnt get me anwhere - after this incident people at work decided that i am a raging feminist...WTF!

PuffinsAreFictitious · 26/02/2015 18:09

A lawyer yesterday told me that, because my DBro is a lawyer and I'm not that, he must have got all the brains, while I got the looks.

So, I'm thick, and he looks like the north end of a cow heading south. Nice

StrangeGlue · 27/02/2015 08:48

Dh goes out to do shopping with the kids cue at least one woman every trip saying 'ah it's so nice you give your wife a break'! It infuriates both of us! They're his kids too and he loves them and wants to spend time with them he's not a random baby sitter and he's equally their parent so just being a parent not doing anyone any favours! Gah!

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 27/02/2015 09:06

Me and my DP met these two blokes at a pub and were having a really nice chat with them, one was in his 60s which is much older than I am. It was lovely to chat to them until the 60 yr old asked me to 'stroke his chicken'... Still not sure what it means, not sure if I want to know.

OP posts:

MehsMum · 27/02/2015 09:46

Last weekend, I ordered half a bottle of wine in a restaurant, since DH is currently not drinking.

And lo, who is offered the wine to taste? DH.

Just sayin'.

ScathingContempt · 28/02/2015 01:33

Ohfrabjousday, to be fair to EE, their other big whodunnits like that were Who Killed Archie and Who Shot Phil, so I don't think it's always about violence against women.

AntiquityIsOld · 28/02/2015 13:47

Talking to another mum of a child with the same special needs as mine and we were interrupted by a man who wanted to tell us how he felt for us and what a hard job we were doing. FFS.

Enormouse · 28/02/2015 13:58

My motorbike instructor calls me 'love' or 'pet'. Dp uses the same instructor and does not get called 'love' or 'pet'. He is called his name or (very rarely) 'mate'.

Motorbike instructor also says he doesn't go in for all this pc malarkey and only knows 3 languages - English, English and English.

mimithemindfull · 02/03/2015 20:25

Just got on a train after awful day. Nearest seat availlable next to young woman who has her bag on it. I look at her, look at bag, she pointedly ignores me. Im about to say excuse me which usually works if the look doesnt then her phone rings. I give up and stagger exhaustedly to seat three rows away. Two minutes later a man does the hovering thing -she moves her stuff so he can sit down. Im so peed off i can barely articulate this but would love to have a word with her...

PuffinsAreFictitious · 02/03/2015 20:32

In the morning team meeting, a department head said that her department was top in the region for something. The big boss turned and tried to give her a bear hug. She just froze, but he continued to hug her for about 10 seconds.

That was seriously awkward.

99redbaboons · 02/03/2015 20:36

A guy in our Admin dept (HR link) frequently reminds female staff putting in requests that "this is not guaranteed" or "don't assume you'll get this" or "it'll depend on a number of factors."

He NEVER says things like this to our male colleagues. Or if he does they don't admit to it. I really want to call him on it, but then of course risk never getting anything approved again...

99redbaboons · 02/03/2015 20:39

Oh - puffins - the hugs I used to get from a colleague after xmas breaks. He used to pull me right in and squeeze my body against his. The first time I was in shock, the second I tried to pull away, this year I marched briskly past calling Happy New Year.

Original poster

RedHairDontCare · 02/03/2015 20:47

Oh my god hugs at work are so inappropriate! An old boss used to put his hand on my shoulder really close to my neck so it was proper skin to skin contact and that used to make me shudder

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