Amal Alamuddin has changed her name professionally

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

I'm actually disappointed. Her choice blah blah but honestly. Successful women who change their names professionally always strike me as either stupid or coerced and I'm sure that's unfair I'm not really but honestly why be so committed to the concept of the obliteration of the unmarried self that you allow it to impact on your professional reputation and renown?

That's kind of what I think showme
I know lots of women who didn't change their name. I don't know any that gave their children mum's name rather than dad's.

profanity I too am known internationally in my field. But all that recognition actually came after my marriage and thus is in my married name. I didn't have a problem with changing my name, I went from one dull one syllable very common surname to a dull one syllable but unusual surname. I like my husband, I'm glad we have the same name. I'm the one who's made it well known in a niche professional field, so I don't regard it as his name but ours. As for Mrs Clooney - why not. It's her choice. Its not like nobody will know who she is.

I don't think people do automatically think that a woman will take her husband's name. No one assumed I would. People asked if I would. And I don't think it matters what a name changed symbolised in days gone by. Symbols change their meaning, and this is an example of this. And even in the old days it was normal for a man to take his wife's name if she came from a higher status family. So name changing symbolised cultural values of social status as well.

Yy showme. I've also seen lots of comments on similar discussions that women took their husband's surname so she would share her name with the kids; its just assumed children will have their father's surname.

Yonic, probably because that's not what people do!!!! Like it or not, traditionally the husbands name becomes the family name.
Why is this such a huge issue?
People are free to choose whether or not to change their name, combine their name, make up a new one.

I never understand the fuss over this, if you get married and you don't want to change your name, that's grand. If you do, that's grand too.
No-one else's business.

Maybe in the future traditions will change and the majority of women won't change their name or more families will take the wife's name or double barrel, but maybe it will just be this way and so what?

"Yonic, probably because that's not what people do!!!! Like it or not, traditionally the husbands name becomes the family name"

why do you think that is?

when so many women make this "individual choice" and so many men don't, it's obvious that it is more than a choice made in a vacuum

whether someone sees that as a problem or not is another question, but i don't see the issue with acknowledging the fact

when you take the history of ownership into account, regardless of whether individual marriages now are based on that premise or not, it is a hangover from that time

some people will see that as a signifier of inequality on a societal level, others won't. i certainly do - while many marriages are "equal", there are an enormous number where that concept of ownership is ingrained and the recognition of personhood of women in our society is fragile at best. so it is something worth discussing

I agree with you Buffy, re the whole symbolic aspect to this. There is an aspect that dates back to women being acquired by men rather than entering an equal relationship, and that is worth questioning. How do you feel about what the OP said re stupidity and coercion? Should people use terms like this?

Petula, like I said it's traditional. That's reason for a lot of things. It's traditional for the man to propose, it's traditional to send cards at Christmas etc

Of course that's not always the way it goes these days, but things change slowly over time. In 50years maybe it won't be so common for women to take their husbands name, that's just how things evolve IMO.
Of course these "choices" aren't made in a vacuum but are influenced by upbringing, culture, society and tradition. That doesn't make the choice wrong, stupid or anti-feminist.

yes, but what i'm getting at is how did that become "tradition" in the uk? and is "tradition" a good enough reason? it is ok to question these things

i don't see women moving away from that as a natural evolution - women have fought long and hard for changes and real choice and they don't have that choice free of external influence yet

Taking your husbands name makes you no more or less of a woman. I choose to take my husbands name but it in no way means I'm less than him or that he gets top billing in our relationship. It was MY choice and for me it showed our status as a family unit ourselves rather than being seperate. Just because its not your choice OP does not make it wrong or make the women who make that choice stupid or oppressed.

i don't think there's any question of anyone being less of a woman

Just to say FWIW I know several (4) men who have taken their wives surname...some as long as 25 years ago so not common but not unknown and they don;t know each other, many who have double barrelled, 3 women who gave their surname to their children even though their husband had kept "his" name.

I don't live in a trendy area, or even a wealthy one...I am not "well known internationally in my field" and neither are they...these are all "normal" or "usual" families with different arrangements.

I think "normal" or "usual" is changing.

And I think Mrs Clooney has every right to make whatever choice she wishes to without it calling into doubt her intelligence or equality in the relationship.

To be honest I really don't go round wondering about this sort of thing.
I've no idea how it became tradition, clearly less people are doing it today than say 50 years ago, so I'm assuming that trend will probably continue.
Women aren't stupid you know, if they want to change their name when they get married, then I say why not?

It certainly doesn't mean they are "owned" by their husbands. That may have been the original meaning of the practise but that's not relevant these days.

And yes, it is ok and right to question these things.
And yes, tradition is good enough reason if that's what you want to do

I didn't change my surname when I got married and someone recently told me that I can't call myself 'Mrs'. Apparently I am legally still 'Miss'. Is this true?

i haven't said anything about women being stupid . i also haven't said anything about whether an individual woman should change her name or not

it has become tradition because upon marriage a woman became the property of a man, and in most of the uk at least, that included taking his name. whether that is the case in law today (it isn't) doesn't mean that many areas of society don't still uphold some of the assumptions and inequalities that go with that idea of ownership

i think it is a good thing to question traditions and whether they are perpetuating inequalities, either overtly or covertly, and whether that is a problem

I changed my professional name after I married because as far as I was concerned, my maiden surname was already patriarchal anyway - so I swapped a patrichiarchal name I was born with for another patriarchal name but at least one I was choosing to use.

Society assumes women will change their surname. Cases where it doesn't are isolated. I didn't change my name upon marriage, and was quite careful to tell the vicar this (before we were married), and the reception venue so they wouldn't introduce me as Mrs MarriedName. It was in one ear, out the other. Seconds after the vicar pronounced us husband and wife he introduced us as Mr & Mrs MarriedName, and when we arrived at the hotel all the signs said Mr & Mrs MarriedName. I've been married 6.5 years and still have people asking me why XYZ paperwork is still in my maiden name. I wasn't a 'maiden' when I got married either.

I don't think anyone who changes her name is stupid (OP has a pretty poor opinion of much of the adult female population if that's the case), but I do think many, many women are coerced by society in general because they don't realise there's an alternative, or don't believe keeping their own name is a viable choice.

I'm not suggesting every woman who changes name is coerced.

I changed my name because I wanted to have the same name as my husband. We then had children so all of us have the same name.

However, I did want to ditch my surname for various reasons (it was not the one I was born with anyway) and dh had a straightforward practical surname. I think it would be best if couples marrying could choose which of their names they liked best - whether that involved the woman or the man changing their name. Also this would work well for gay/lesbian marriages, some of whom hyphenate both the names. But as we move down the generations, kids are going to be called Jack Smith-Jones-Green-Taylor etc so I'm not a fan of hyphenation.

Besides, I think being Amal Clooney is not going to remotely harm her career/chances of people looking her up. I'm sure she will be inundated with work and be offered more than she could do in 100 years!