Feminist pub no 12: The Bluestocking Returns, this time with goats!

[YonicScrewdriver]

Welcome!

And also I didn't have any real strong connection to or feeling for my unmarried name.

In Iceland there is an option to be come xxxxdottir, instead of xxxxson. I quite like that idea.

most of the women i work with use their unmarried name at work and married name at home

i do rather like that idea - like an alter ego

I did that for quite a while - I was known and respected under that name so kept it until I moved companies. Pain in the ass for some things like security clearance though.

It did lead to some comedy moment when meeting people who knew me via phone only from my previous job

" Oh, you're THAT norma!"

haha

my parents worked together at one time (after their marriage, mum using unmarried name at work) and caused a scandal by being seen kissing each other goodbye before they went into the office one morning - everyone knew they were both married, just not that it was to each other!

I'm not British so I didn't change my name when I got married, because it's just not in my culture. Now a secret part of me wishes I had, because I wouldn't spend so much time spelling a furriner, double barrelled surname every time I deal with an utility company on the phone.

Which leads me to my rant of the day: when people notice my accent and ask me where I come from. I want to tell them "London", and watch them try to figure it out. I've been here for twenty years, I'm as British as I am , and frankly, and this point I'm not interested in telling you if I miss my country, it's weather, or how often I get to see my family.

In fairness, people are just trying to be polite and make small talk, but it don't know, some days it just gets to me to the point that I've even considered taking accent-removing speech lessons.

Ha Because I get the same thing all the time too

I get around it by talking about how much I like living in the UK (which I do) whenever the question comes up, it sidesteps the national tendency to moan about the weather....

Also I think (secretly) I quite like being an expat, it gives a certain licence in some situations to interpret them differently, so I don't really mind being reminded "you're not from around here, you're different".

because I say "Just down the road" when asked where I'm from. And "And where are you from?" and depending on response "so we are neighbours then! Have a nice time! Bye!".

That's on a good day. Otherwise it's a stony stare.

OK, new job, am meeting quite a lot of people and getting to know them. So far, the count is: 1 male misogynist, and 1 female handmaiden of the patriarchy. Fun times.

I have also been warned about another sales person in another part of the country who is male, very sweary (neither of these things do I mind, obviously), but from all accounts, he doesn't appear to respect women a great deal. Will have to see if my initial perspectives on these people pan out in the long term.

ah the privilege of the obvious native - no one asks where i'm from, with my RP english accent and caucasian appearance

it did happen a lot when i lived abroad though. and that weird thing where people think you will get on well with someone else they know purely because you're from the same country

zazzles how does that compare with previous workplaces?

My heart sinks when I am placed at a function between two men whom I don't know well. I know that they are going to bore me to death, whereas if I am placed near women I don't know well, it is more likely that we will test the water, and dialogue, and hint, and seed ideas, until we hit on the thing that we have in common that we can both enjoy talking about.

Just wanted to say how true I think this is. Certainly in my experience.

Oh Petula, I am only in my early days at this organisation, and I have a feeling that the 'honesty and integrity' speech certain people have been given me is going to be a bit of a lie. Also one of the sales people worded me up on the actual culture of the company (not the spin that I got at the interview), and I think the culture will just be indicative of the well-known sexism and misogyny that is prevalent in this country anyway. I am prepared to deal with it in a calm, but assertive way .

I am already setting expectations from the male misogynist that he is not to behave that way around me - "[He's] not that sort of man" ((NAMALT, my words to him ).

It is one of my ambitions to pretend to be from Siberia. But I need to mug up on Siberia. It would be just my luck that the person asking me where I'm from is actually from Siberia.

It would seem the only reason I don't lie is the fear of being embarrassed.

Some feminist humour (even though feminists are humourless) for your Thursday morning.

Hello, can I come in for a pint please? I would LOVE a feminist pub - I trust it looks like Mrs P J Gilligan's Saloon for Ladies?

Does that image get posted every fred?

On the subject of bosses and colleagues, I have recently started working under a senior clinician and professor who is female. She is completely fabulous, not to mention completely understanding of balancing work and young kids. However, at least twice recently other women have felt the need to tell me how much they 'hate working with women - they're so bitchy' Funnily enough I've never heard a man say they hate working with other men because they're so aggressive/patronising/dismissive/sexist/unfair/etc....

it's not, sheena (well, not in the last few threads i've been on anyway), but it should!

Hi, Sheena.

It's so sad when other women say they hate working with women. My workplace is about 85 percent women and all of the senior positions are held by women. It's the best job I've ever had. I've been there for more than ten years; it would be hard to go back to a job where I had to negotiate gender politics again.

the best manager in my workplace is a woman. she is brilliant at bringing together her team. she is very demanding, but likewise extremely supportive and advocates strongly for her team. (this last point is the reason i suspect she hasn't been promoted as quickly as she should have been). her manager is a woman, but nowhere near as good

Hey Sheena I like the saloon! Especially the sign - "women sometimes - ladies NEVER - spit on the floor"

All the women in my workplace get on really well, without any extra bonds of being friends outside work. I still have some great female friends from previous workplaces.

I can think of two women I've worked for in the past who were thought of as "bitchy". With the benefit of hindsight I can see that one of them was just acting the same as the male managers, and no-one made negative comments about the men's behaviour. The other was working under extreme pressure to unreasonable deadlines and standards, was the main earner, and also had a young family at home. At the time I just thought they were bitchy too. I'm older and wiser now and I feel bad about it

My workplace is 2/3 men and 1/3 women. All the admin staff are women. All the directors are men. BOO.

there used to be a woman here who talked unpleasantly behind other people's backs and made rather barbed unnecessary comments. she's gone now, and the atmosphere is much improved, and this is a women-dominated workplace. so it was just one woman's personality and behaviour, not the fact that there are lots of women working here