Feminist Pub X: Regulars and new faces welcome, consciousness raising is a possibility.

[CaptChaos]

The old pub now has less than 10 posts to go, so I thought I'd start a new one. The old one can be found here

This is a place for feminist pom pom waving and talking about stuff which might not need a thread for itself.

Fill your boots.

terrariamum did you forget that when a man like that graciously bestows his wisdom and humour and attention on you, you must simper and smile and be suitably flattered?

(hope you're now home and with a cup of tea in hand)

Of course elephants all welcome .. any more takers?

bet he wasn't offering to lend a hand.

who was it that said anything done by a woman in public with children is an act of feminism? I so agree with that. Too often women/children are 'out of the way' somewhere (home) and the noise and chaos of young kids isn't allowed to invade upon the regulated men's spaces. It should be Ok for kids to tantrum in a public space. Why should the entire library have to be quiet? shouldn't people talk about books, read to each other? Giggle over funny bits?

How about - EVERY public space is public for all, women and (noisy tantrumming) children included. Those who want quiet space can have a little quiet place to focus in, called home.

Home now after the children had a lovely play in a nearby garden space which felt much nicer.

To be fair, there is a separate children's library at the library we were at. However, DD1 had hit (I am ashamed of this) another little girl in the face (she's never done this before) while I was chasing DD2 and she refused to apologise to the little girl. I did the apologising to both the little girl and her mother. I thought it best to take DD1 away from the situation to show hitting is never all right and because she was in a mood. This prompted said tantrum.

And no, of course the man wasn't offering to help and I did indeed forget my place as decorative object. Ooops.

Next time Terraria ask where one could obtain these extra arms. I could do with some too.

children hit each other. it's one of the reasons we socialize them rather than just letting them have a free for all. they bite each other, too. and spit. In fact, children are pretty nasty if left unattended. We should be more accepting of that as well, not blaming the (usually) mothers who are trying to teach them otherwise. Hitting/biting etc are natural instincts when feeling upset - you have to get them to unlearn them.

Terraria- on my phone so mostly reading, but just to say that I have had many, many of those days.

Some of the arsey looks may also actually have beeb relief-it-isn't-me-today looks.

Yes, that's what I did. We went and sat on a bench outside the garden and had a chat about it. I am trying hard to remember that I am bringing her up as she is only 3. She is still learning as you say.

But I think there is an expectation that children in public should already be brought up iyswim.

Forgot to say thanks for the quote about taking children out in public being a feminist act.

I'm almost glad that someone else has those days . But it is comforting to know that it's not likely to be something you are doing wrong (if that crossed your mind of course!). Think I'll shut up now as I'm digging a hole .

I agree completely kickass.

Three is such a flashpoint for behaviour, I found. Sounds like you handled it perfectly.

It's so true that children in public are expected to be already brought up. But then people don't like it when children act like adults, either. A friend was telling me about a distressing incident when she took her 4yo for his swimming lesson, which is usually with a very understanding teacher as he's really anxious and nervous about the water. Anyway so there was another teacher this time and she was asking the little boy to do things that would be challenging for him even with his usual teacher. He was saying "No thank you" and "I don't like the sound of that" and "I want to get out please" (pretty polite for a scared 4yo no? I mean he's 4, he's not going to turn around and give a reasoned debate about why he's scared.) but no, stupid teacher was saying "You're not really crying. Are you trying to trick me? No you can't get out!" Gaah! My lovely friend is so lovely as well she was really torn between her own conditioning of "he should be doing as he's told, she's the teacher" and her feelings of distress over her child's distress, and ended up not saying anything for fear of causing a scene. But grrr. I mean, way to teach that child "it's fine to ignore somebody's obvious distress and communication efforts when you want them to do something".

Hi, - Can I just make a cheeky request for people to help me out with something for my MA?

Thread over there

My eldest was vile when she was 3, I say this lots on MN but I literally sat down in the street and cried one day because I felt so crap about her behavior and how it must be my fault. My son is coming up to that age now, and honestly social expectations even at that age are SO strong. He has speech problems which means he sometimes lashes out and that is always always looked on kindly as 'just being a boy' he's even flashed on the bus and just been laughed at by other passengers.

When DD behaved badly at that age some people were lovely but some people were not. And there was absolutely an expectation that girls at that age being difficult are spoilt and bratty in a way that little boys aren't judged.

I'd love to, but I don't.

Are you on twitter? You might get a better response on there and I'll happily do loads of retweeting for you.

I've got a lecture series on gender coming up, but I doubt that's enough for you.

not on twitter - my teacher has a VERY loose definition of 'associated with womens studies'. She is actually a history professor who does one course for WGS, so I think that some of you probably qualify.

All the other students on this course are full time, they're in classes every day and know people - I will just have to go through the college web site (which is dire and almost entirely impossible to navigate) to see who does teach classes. The other problem is that I have done WGS classes, I've done a sociology & a lit. class, so even the people I know aren't WGS people.

The joys of being 'interdisciplinary' I suppose.

The shooting of the little girl in the head in Sussex has been described by the police as a "tragic domestic incident"

I really hate that phrasing.

There's a thread in In the News about it. She's died btw. Mary Shipstone was her name. Her poor mother . She tried to keep her safe.

Oh no

I will post on the Victims thread.

What I hate even more is the phrasing "isolated incident".

If they're so fucking isolated why do they happen all the fucking time?!

Yep. Gets my goat too Annie.

they mean there isn't a gunman rampaging about shooting random people. but they could just say that

obviously they try to use "neutral" phrasing before they've investigated fully, but as we've discussed on here lots, the phrasing isn't neutral at all and demonstrates exactly how society classifies these incidents

I know.

They mean that, if this man were still alive, he's not a general threat to people, just to women and children that he thinks he owns.

A tragic domestic incident is a house fire or a gas leak.

How about "this seems to be a specifically targeted act of violence"?

"if this man were still alive, he's not a general threat to people, just to women and children that he thinks he owns"

exactly that