So, not everyone's a feminist

[Vivacia]

Plasterer arrived today for the first of four days. I am working from home but everyone else is out.

So far we've had,

"You're not one of these modern women are you?" - don't know, not sure what that means.

"Are you a feminist?" - "Of course I am, aren't you?".

Someone on MN recommended this book, which I'm just reading

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Gift-Fear-Survival-Violence/dp/0747538352

The subtitle is " survival signs that protect us from violence "

The central thesis is that we instictly know when someone thing in someones behaviour isn't right, that our intuition send us signals to be wary .

But we don't listen to ourselves because we think that there isn't anything in the the persons ( usually a man) behaviour to explain the alarm we feel . The author argues that we need to learn to trust our instincts and learn what risk looks like .

There are too many people telling women the opposite . So we end up in the crazy situation of a women barricading herself inside her own home for several days , paying the man who is harassing her and all because she needs some work done on her home

While at the same time we have another poster telling her she has no right to feel anxious because she has a university degree and drinks the wrong sort of tea ( ie she is a stuck up bitch who doesn't have the right to refuse any man )

It's just more male entitlement isn't it ? The plasterers desire to have a bit of sexual banter and a cup of tea trumps her need to feel safe in her own home . And the reason she objects to it can't possibly be that it's threatening and inappropriate and unprofessional -oh no, it must be because she's a snob

< invitation for Op to justify herself and her background to random male poster >

< random male poster tell her that her background doesn't meet his approval >

Interesting that some men become so angry and personally attacking, not even when they are turned down but when a women turns down another mans attentions.

Coincidentally, I read that book when I was a teenager, or perhaps an earlier edition. It has simple, strong messages that I've remembered a good many years later. I think it was one of the factors which meant I didn't feel I had to be polite. Still not great I had to hide.

Good summary of the thread Kristina.

Update

The work ran over on to Saturday in the end. DP was home all day and our plan was for him to have all interactions, which he did. Predictably the plasterer was a lot less chatty with him. And he didn't make any comment on the attractiveness of his eyes.

I think they got off on the wrong foot early on though:
Plasterer, "Your missus let me down, she doesn't make cups of tea".
DP, "Neither do I".
Plasterer, "..."

"Interesting that some men become so angry and personally attacking, not even when they are turned down but when a women turns down another mans attentions."

God yes, they have so much personal identification with another man who harasses women, don't they?

Normal men of course, think these men are dicks. The devil's advocates don't because they are these men too and they see themselves in the tossers.