School's response to a pupil transitioning female to male making me uncomfortable...

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Hi everyone.
Long time MN'er, and although I haven't posted in this topic before, I am an avid reader and have learned so much from the posters here.

I suppose I am looking for a feminist viewpoint on a situation that has developed at my daughter's school which makes me feel uncomfortable.

A child in my daughter's year at Secondary school has chosen, since Y7, to live as a boy. She was a girl through Primary, a footballing superstar, and was described by many as a 'tomboy', though I dislike the expression myself.

Most of the children in his year have only known him as a boy and are unaware of his past, though there have been many rumours and much gossip about this.

After a few incidents on social media where children have made comments about him actually 'being a girl', he asked to address an assembly to set the record straight.
During this assembly he told the entire year group that he is a boy, has always been a boy, and would like people to stop saying otherwise as it was very upsetting for him.

Since transition he has changed radically, particularly, conforming to social gender stereotypes by having relationships with numerous girls, calling girls 'slags' on FB, and becoming friends with a group of disruptive boys who truant ,drink alcohol and spend lots of time discussing girl's physical assets on FB. Not pleasant.

My daughter's friend has begun a 'relationship' with this boy, and it has gone further than kissing. He has told her he has always been a boy which she believes, and has explained his use of the toilet in the staff office by telling her he has a hormone disorder.

I think school have been complicit in his deceit by allowing him to address the other children during assembly and I worry that my daughter's friend is being prevented from making a fully informed choice with regard to her relationship with him.

I would just like to hear other's thoughts on this, and what, if any, action you would take.

To add, I absolutely support other's choices to live 'as' the opposite sex, though I feel uncomfortable with the idea that he has the right to tell others he has always been a boy, as despite his feelings, this is biologically untrue?

Sorry it's a bit jumbled.

Explain to us what "identifying as a woman" means, pinky. Come on: we're all ignorant bastards. Educate us :)

School is between a rock and a hard place here aren't they.

On the one hand obviously being supportive of the boy is a given.

On the other hand - and because he is engaging in a string of sexual relationships with girls - there is a potential for real problems for the girls and/or the boy, if the girls are being misled as to what body he has (assuming they don't know and assuming his body is female).

The whole thing is muddied as Buffy says by the fact that most children, in fact most people in the UK, when presented with the statement "this is a boy", will take it to mean a child who has been born with a penis and brought up and socialised as a male and currently has a male body. Unless people are educated around that then it is not their fault if they take the statement "this is a boy" to mean that and not understand that the statement might encompass quite different scenarios.

Op seems incredibly unknowledgeable about trans issues.

How am I showing lack of understanding here?
You are disputing biological and scientific fact.

pinkyredrose what do you mean by "identify as a woman"?

When a child is at risk of emotional harm it is everyone's busy to try and stop it happening.

Pinky, we are talking about young teens.

If someone told me they were a boy and had always been a boy, I would have assumed at that age it was not just a mental state, but physical as well.

I would say that not to tell someone you are in a relationship with otherwise, is deceitful.

If he has led his girlfriend to believe that he has and has always had a penis, then that is deceitful and I would be very upset and worried for my daughter in this instance. She deserves to know.

OP, the law often uses woman to refer to whether someone thinks of themselves as a woman or not (how they feel) and female to refer to somebody's biological sex.

They can't let other pupils know whether or not the boy is trans. They are not legally allowed to do so.

Schools should stop using the term woman, man, boy, girl to refer to biological sex, then most of these issues would be cleared up.

Wow. Just wow. I can't believe that people including the op don't understand the term 'identifying as

Until you explain further what is meant by 'identifying' as a woman I cannot answer your question as to whether or not I do.

a woman' pressed send too soon!

Enlighten us.

Please bear in mind that the children involved are young teens.
I just asked my 13yo if she 'identifies' as a girl, and she said 'eh? I am a girl!'.

This is why the schools response has been inappropriate given their age and level of understanding.

Tell us what it means, pinky.

If my 14 year old dss discovered his first girlfriend had been born male and had male genitalia, I wouldn't be thinking of her needs. I'd be seriously worried about his feelings. That's why this isn't just about trans issues.

Yes, Pinky, do tell.

Oh please don't enlighten us. There are a million and one threads on this.

OP, your work is relevant because I would have thought, even though you work in primary, that you would have had some training re transgender issues.

You are a female human being - biological fact. You identify as being a woman - this is your gender identity, not biological fact. (I know that does not define you as a person and I'm not suggesting it does.)

The situation for trans people is not as simple as "choosing" to live as the opposite gender. They feel they are the opposite gender, they just have the "wrong" physical characteristics. The boy in question no doubt feels he has always been a boy, he may just not have the physical characteristics of a male human being. So no one was lying when he said he was a boy. Like I say, he didn't say he had a penis. It's not the same thing.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity

Hi op have a look at the link as it might answer a few questions. I just re-read my previous posts and I think I may have come across a bit harshly. I apologise for that, trans issues are close to my heart. I've had 2 previous relationships with trans people and seen first hand the daily abuse, ignorance and misunderstanding they faced. I posted quickly without thinking how my posts sounded.

On another thread though someone was saying, what does x and y actually mean?

Here we have someone who knows what "identifying as a woman" means and I am interested to hear their thoughts.

"You identify as being a woman - this is your gender identity"

How do you know this is true of the OP? She has identified her sex as female, certainly.

www.transgenderzone.com/

This is a good site for information with a forum too if anyone wants to have a look.

I'm a teacher. I have taught for 13 years. I've never received training on transgender issues, and I see no reason why the OP would have.

I don't believe I have a 'gender identity'.
I conform to some of the social constructs of both masculine and feminine identity traits.

Having read the wiki link you posted I could find no evidence of gender identity other than social constructs: language, family expectations, stereotypes etc.