School's response to a pupil transitioning female to male making me uncomfortable...

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Hi everyone.
Long time MN'er, and although I haven't posted in this topic before, I am an avid reader and have learned so much from the posters here.

I suppose I am looking for a feminist viewpoint on a situation that has developed at my daughter's school which makes me feel uncomfortable.

A child in my daughter's year at Secondary school has chosen, since Y7, to live as a boy. She was a girl through Primary, a footballing superstar, and was described by many as a 'tomboy', though I dislike the expression myself.

Most of the children in his year have only known him as a boy and are unaware of his past, though there have been many rumours and much gossip about this.

After a few incidents on social media where children have made comments about him actually 'being a girl', he asked to address an assembly to set the record straight.
During this assembly he told the entire year group that he is a boy, has always been a boy, and would like people to stop saying otherwise as it was very upsetting for him.

Since transition he has changed radically, particularly, conforming to social gender stereotypes by having relationships with numerous girls, calling girls 'slags' on FB, and becoming friends with a group of disruptive boys who truant ,drink alcohol and spend lots of time discussing girl's physical assets on FB. Not pleasant.

My daughter's friend has begun a 'relationship' with this boy, and it has gone further than kissing. He has told her he has always been a boy which she believes, and has explained his use of the toilet in the staff office by telling her he has a hormone disorder.

I think school have been complicit in his deceit by allowing him to address the other children during assembly and I worry that my daughter's friend is being prevented from making a fully informed choice with regard to her relationship with him.

I would just like to hear other's thoughts on this, and what, if any, action you would take.

To add, I absolutely support other's choices to live 'as' the opposite sex, though I feel uncomfortable with the idea that he has the right to tell others he has always been a boy, as despite his feelings, this is biologically untrue?

Sorry it's a bit jumbled.

[CabbagePatchCheryl]

Sorry WhentheRed but I think it's a bit of a huge logical leap to suggest that the school may have given carte blanche to this boy to lie about his biological sex in the context of a romantic relationship, just because he was allowed to say he was a boy when he was only 11 years old in order to prevent bullying.

For all we, and the OP, know, this boy may have told DD's friend ages ago and she may just be covering for him because she cares about him.

I totally agree, though, that kids need better guidance on all sorts of issues including LGBT and consent. And I don't think it would be unreasonable of the OP to give the school a nudge to check that this is being provided. But I would hate to think anyone was suggesting that the school should disclose (or imply) confidential medical info in the interests of the girls around this boy.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Involved in as a volunteer is unconnected to work and that is how I know that this boy was, until 11, a girl.

I am designated CP officer and am well aware of the term 'at risk' and its meaning.

My daughter is very close friends with this girl. Dd is definitely being truthful. Her friend may be lying, but I suspect not.

If the child is, as I strongly believe, physically a boy, he is placing the girl in a position of risk of emotional damage. She has a right to know the physical sex of her partner.

I am unsure what posters mean by 'gender' or 'always been a boy'. Being a boy is a biological fact.

I will be speaking to school and asking them what further support they will be offering. I think their well meaning, supportive stance has had consequences for other students which they did not predict and they need to be prepared to provide support and information to those affected by those consequences.

The boy's behaviour is totally unacceptable. That is an issue for the girl, boy and respective parents.

The school's support in what I believe to be the deception of female students is an issue for all parents.

I'm afraid I cannot accept that this boy's rights trump those of young females to know the sex of their partner.

Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Sorry for gap in post, phone trouble.

[howdoimakehimnoticeme]

But morecrack you have no way of knowing what conversations the two young people have had.

You are assuming the boy is lying when you simply do not know.

[pinkyredrose]

Op he's always been a boy. A boy trapped in a female body but still a boy. You don't seem to know much about trans people, you'd do well to do some research.

[howdoimakehimnoticeme]

I suppose what I am asking as well is - how do you know that the school are involved in the deception of female students?

[pinkyredrose]

Being a boy or girl is a lot more than biological fact. As you're a designated CP officer you should really be a lot more enlightenment on this matter.

The boy is not being deceitful. You are completely ignorant of trans issues.

[howdoimakehimnoticeme]

The boy's bullying and misogynistic behaviour is certainly unacceptable. Absolutely. And the school should be addressing that with him.

I don't think you know enough about any of his behaviour around his relationships to be able to comment on those.

[pinkyredrose]

enlightened

[CabbagePatchCheryl]

I'm sorry OP but "being a boy" is not a biological fact. There is a difference between physical sexual characteristics and gender. I am surprised, given your work, that you would not understand this.

The child was permitted to stand up and say "I am a boy" because he is a boy. He did not say "I have a penis." There is no deception.

That said, of course the school needs to try to inform and guide the children on these issues and, separately, the boy himself will need to be counselled on how to deal with disclosing his situation in friendships, romantic relationships, the working environment etc. I strongly hope both of these things are being done.

As I've said, you're within your rights to check, but it sounds like you are saying that the school should "out" this trans child and I find that unacceptable.

[lildupin]

You are completely ignorant of trans issues.

People disagreeing with you is not the same as people being ignorant. I think most people on this thread are up to speed with current transactivism and the blatant gaslighting rhetoric that much of it is based on.

[thoughtsescapeme]

It's completely valid to talk to the school about your concerns. I would in this situation. And to be honest with your dd about what you know to be true about this kid and about the whole issue of transitioning.

In our school there is a child who was born male and began to live as a girl aged 7. It was all discussed in class (very well) and all the children are aware of the situation. If they all end up at secondary school together I'm sure they'll continue to be supportive of their friend and help her deal with any flak. I wouldn't expect my dd to announce her friend's situation to new people but nor would I expect her to cover up the fact her friend is trans. I'd fully expect it to be dealt with honestly.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

"The school's support in what I believe to be the deception of female students is an issue for all parents."

And yet the school is unable to tell anyone about the boy due to the legalities of the situation.

If you go in to the school demanding that the school disclose the trans nature of the child you are not going to gain anything.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

'There is a difference between physical sexual characteristics and gender. I am surprised, given your work, that you would not understand this.'

I am a woman. This is a biological fact.
I do not 'feel' like a woman, I feel like a person with characteristics, personality traits, hobbies and beliefs which could be held by any other person, regardless of biological sex.
Can you explain further how my work is relevant?
I have no issue with a person who is biologically one sex, choosing to live as the opposite sex.
Biological facts cannot be disputed.

Telling a sexual partner you have always been a boy when that is not a fact is deceptive.

[pinkyredrose]

I stand by my statement. OP you are completely ignorant of trans issues. More than that you don't seem to want to learn.

[pinkyredrose]

OP do you identify as a woman?

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Then please explain further?

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

I am a woman. Biological fact.
I don't understand what you mean by 'identifying' as a woman.

[lildupin]

OP you are completely ignorant of trans issues. More than that you don't seem to want to learn

OP seems very knowledgeable about trans issues.

[pinkyredrose]

Exactly. You don't understand. This is why you should do some research into trans/gender issues.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

The school chose a simplistic, kneejerk response to a complex issue.

Absolutely this. The consequences for others and their ability to make choices around sexual relationships was not thought through.
I suspect this is unchartered territory for the school and after the boy's request to speak in assembly they chose the path of least resistance.