School's response to a pupil transitioning female to male making me uncomfortable...

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Hi everyone.
Long time MN'er, and although I haven't posted in this topic before, I am an avid reader and have learned so much from the posters here.

I suppose I am looking for a feminist viewpoint on a situation that has developed at my daughter's school which makes me feel uncomfortable.

A child in my daughter's year at Secondary school has chosen, since Y7, to live as a boy. She was a girl through Primary, a footballing superstar, and was described by many as a 'tomboy', though I dislike the expression myself.

Most of the children in his year have only known him as a boy and are unaware of his past, though there have been many rumours and much gossip about this.

After a few incidents on social media where children have made comments about him actually 'being a girl', he asked to address an assembly to set the record straight.
During this assembly he told the entire year group that he is a boy, has always been a boy, and would like people to stop saying otherwise as it was very upsetting for him.

Since transition he has changed radically, particularly, conforming to social gender stereotypes by having relationships with numerous girls, calling girls 'slags' on FB, and becoming friends with a group of disruptive boys who truant ,drink alcohol and spend lots of time discussing girl's physical assets on FB. Not pleasant.

My daughter's friend has begun a 'relationship' with this boy, and it has gone further than kissing. He has told her he has always been a boy which she believes, and has explained his use of the toilet in the staff office by telling her he has a hormone disorder.

I think school have been complicit in his deceit by allowing him to address the other children during assembly and I worry that my daughter's friend is being prevented from making a fully informed choice with regard to her relationship with him.

I would just like to hear other's thoughts on this, and what, if any, action you would take.

To add, I absolutely support other's choices to live 'as' the opposite sex, though I feel uncomfortable with the idea that he has the right to tell others he has always been a boy, as despite his feelings, this is biologically untrue?

Sorry it's a bit jumbled.

Everybody has the right to live exactly as they choose. I certainly don't care how other people live their lives nor should anyone else, however this should not be at the expense of another person's choices.
The girl is 13. Fair enough if she chooses to have a boyfriend who used to be a girl but if she is not aware of the situation then how on earth is that right?
I cannot believe the school allowed him to stand up in assembly and say something which is not true.

OK, OP:

1. There is a group of boys at the school who act in an unpleasant and misogynistic way. The fact that one of these boys was born female is (for this purpose) not relevant. It is not appropriate for any boys to act in such a way, so I would complain to the school. I would point out that it is damaging for the boys to be in an environment where they are thinking and acting out in this way - or see other boys doing so, and it is damaging for the girls to be the direct/indirect individual or collective victims of this behaviour. Ask them to address it and gender respect/equality issues and ask them how they will. It should be addressed by open and proper discussion and education in appropriate classes, assembleys, visibly clamping down on such behaviour.

1. The relationship between a girl who isn't your DD and a teenage boy who may have been born female and isn't related to you is nothing to do with you so don't expect the school to discuss anything with you.

1. However as some of the posts about gender deception, rape and the law indicate, there is a broader question of consent. Negotiating consent and being honest (about all manner of issues) with sexual partners is a vital aspect of a healthy sex life and a vital life lesson. You can I would say, ask the school what they are doing to address these concerns through the curriculum. If they aren't doing anything, google some of the organisations which provide materials for the school and pass these to the head or deputy head.

1. You can also ask the school what safeguarding procedures they have in place to prevent sexual exploitation or sexual bullying between students. It is very likely that they won't have any. This, I would argue, is a mistake - look at all the issues around sexting, or the high rates of sexual harrassment/bullying within schools (easily googlable). In the modern world, it more than behooves a school to consider these carefully and have something in place.

No-one's privacy is invaded and all the issues can be dealt with.

I don't think the school has handled this very well at all. The whole thing has been handled badly. I think the school needs to get some experts involved in this as they haven't got a clue. But it doesn't have anything personally to do with you as far as I can see. Personally, I don't agree with such young children deciding at 11 on such a major issue. But I don't expect others to agree with me. It's just a personal opinion.