Feminist Pub IX. Newbies and regulars welcome - pop your cognitive dissonance down outside and have a gin.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Right, thought I'd better start a new pub. I warn you, my knowledge of Roman numerals conks out shortly after this one, so either buffy will have to start the next thread, or we'll have to go Arabic.

Everyone is welcome in - if you want to chat, or just jump in with a question/link/gin, please do. Especially if it's too small for a thread or you don't feel up to thread-starting.

The old thread has, at my count, about 9 posts to go, and it was here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/2126791-Feminist-Pub-VIII-not-as-prolific-as-the-Swaggerers-but-there-are-cushions-and-consciousness?

We were just chatting about feministy light reading, and will doubtless meander onto other topics shortly.

Gin, not gun. Please stay away from guns.

This is right, this is a new phase, you have learnt new ways to cope and to live and to grow.

When do you move? Are you moving straight to your new city or is there an intermediate place?

All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well xx

LRD all the decisions you have made (new job, divorce) have been in your own best interest, which is as it should be. Changing the status quo takes a lot of strength, so I'm sure you will carry this through to create the life you want

LRD it sounds scary but it will be exciting. and moral support.

It sounds tough LRD and it's hard to not think about the past like that. But you're a different person now with better coping skills. Remember that now is now and things will be different and MN exists

Do you have a pet or can you buy one? They make a lonely home feel less empty.

LRD I think having a small wobbly is a perfectly normal reaction. You are doing what is best for you, which is often exciting and scary at the same time.

I moved to Cambridge just over 12 years ago to do a post doc. I'd just come out of a long-term relationship and I was scared about being on my own. I needn't have worried! I loved my time in Cambridge, I went back to doing an old hobby (ballroom dancing), I socialised with people fri work, I joined a boat club. In fact I had a fabulous couple of years there. I'm sure you will too.

Hi all. I'm sorry I'm so crap at these long running threads. Problem is I miss a couple of days and it takes me ages to catch up and the conversations I'd like to join in on have passed!

LRD you know you've made the right decision really. Not sure how you ended up single when you were 21 but was it your choice? Because that makes a difference. Seizing control of your situation. And of course you are going to have wobbles. Tis only natural.

Plus you are older, wiser and more feministy. It'll help! And you have a new job in Cambridge . And and and you have a thread or even a whole forum to moan on! You'll thrive x

No Buffy you aren't being prickly. There are some shitty posts on that thread.

Along a similar vein I have an overwhelming urge to post passive aggressive remarks about how a certain poster only shows up on certain threads where women are being explicit about their boundaries and tries to tell us we are all wrong and we just don't understand the ways in which women's boundaries should become public property

Isn't it that specific poster who basically hounded SGM off the board again, scallops?

And no Buffy, you're not being over prickly, not at all!

I know Pan and SGM didn't get on but I don't think it was him who hounded her off - ?

I think that thread should be preserved as an example of mansplaining for future debates

I wasn't thinking of Pan, sorry, different thread.

Yup Capt! If you look at the threads he tends to crop up on: abortion, rape, women choosing the way they give birth, women choosing whether to bf, women saying no to men they are in relationships with. They are all about women setting their own boundaries and without reference to men (or going up against men).

I've probably said too much and overstepped the mark here. Don't they call it subtweeting on Twitter?

No not Pan. Although I could start a whole other subtweeting about that too

Ah, ok, sorry for confusion!

No worries, it was naughty of me anyway.

I've just read that thread. I won't comment as it'd just be more of the same. But it's one of those classic mansplaining threads.

How hard is it to write 'it seems to me that ...' or 'my concern is ...' or whatever, rather than the oracular 'most men and women will react thus-and-so, foolish woman, not as you speculate'.

Thanks for nice comments, everyone (and the offer of coffee and cake, buffy ). I feel better now and will look at groups I can join and so on. briar - I've been wanting a cat for a while, so might get on if I can find a house that allows pets. abland - Julian of Norwich! Thank you.

Best of luck with the house move etc, LRD

When one has previously experienced mental or physical health problems, i think one of the most difficult things is the worry that it will happen again, that it is waiting around the corner to catch you unaware. It's difficult to manage sometimes, especially combined with the feeling of personal guilt that often manifests when a relapse occurs ("I should have been more tuned in to the warning signs", "i shouldn't have done x, y, z that obviously has caused this".....)

Please be kind to yourself.

Thanks .

That makes complete sense, too. I'm really glad I have the pub to come to.

Right, this is me taking my hard-earned turn as humourless feminist, but ... someone just followed me on twitter so, as you do, I clicked on her timeline to see who s/he was. And this post came up. listefun.com/best-ways-to-scare-your-girlfriend/?ref=1

I am sure it's all 'just good fun' but eugh. Creepy as fuck.

Why would you want to do that to someone, let alone someone you are supposed to care about? It is creepy and not funny and more than a little indicative of an abusive nature.

I know, right?

I think it's the fact it's a 'ten best ways' list that creeps me out. I have a couple of mates who I know for a fact would find a couple of those things hilarious - because they have standing relationship in-jokes. But they point is that this is how they are as a couple, so she'd be highly unlikely to be freaked out if she walked into the house and found a fake spider in the fridge.

The idea that this is a normal thing to do, and you'd just pick up tips from the net is plain bizarre.

Capt - I know! you are so right! His position is something like

• the status quo is great. don't mess with it. there are no substantive disadvantages to women in it, let's not change a thing
• plus, if we were to start meddling with things, the loss of advantages to people like me would be too great

It is incoherent yet patronisingly expressed and INCREDIBLY ANNOYING

LRD - don't worry! you are an adult now and you have mn. And, I bet, a ton more confidence and skills in terms of, like, lyfe.

Are you looking for a new place to live, or have you found it? with housemates, or alone?

Have just had a call about the job I interviewed for and I got it! So, for the year between now and going off an making something of my life, I am gainfully employed.

Whoop whoop!