What should you do if somebody grabs your ass in a club?

[Annie11111]

I've always wondered what the appropriate reaction would be. The couple of times it happened to me I just ignored it or walked away.

Do what a woman on a busy commuter train I was on once did?

Grab the hand, hold it aloft and shout out "Excuse me? Has someone lost a hand? I just found this on my BUM!"

That sort of thing is beyond the bravery of most women mrscosmopolite! How did everyone react? I would imagine they looked the other way and ignored her! I commute in London though it probably is different in different places.

Nobody did anything as I recall but the bloke looked extremely embarrassed and got off at the next stop.

Good!

I just wish that men didn't do this shit in the first place. For every woman who has a witty comeback or a mean armlock technique there are loads of girls and women who don't, who just end up feeling upset and/or angry and always powerless which is a shitty feeling. Being reminded of their place if you like. You're going about your business being a normal person and thinking about work or holidays or whatever and your peace and peace or mind are ruined by some arsehole putting his hands on you just because he can.

Haha Mrs Cosmo, that's a good one!

I didn't do anything. I wish I had now

I always physically push them away and then slap them. They are very taken aback usually and I hope it makes them think.

Those that advocate slapping and pushing, How do you know that you have the right man?

I have known several work colleagues who do the same thing as the older man in CiderwithBuda's post.

Nice colleagues you have there, boney.

Boney I can tell which man has touched me why wouldn't I be able to?

I probably wouldn't hit back so much if I didn't have I didn't have a weight and height advantage usually. I get that for most women men are are much larger than them. I also do get really angry by this and act impulsively.

That's a lot of repeated words I managed there!

When drunk enough in my younger days I have turned around a punched a few blokes. Managed to knock one of them out The way I see it of someone puts their hands on me they can't then complain that I put my hands on them. I'd just rather punch them than pinch their arse.

Two different scenarios in my younger days

• bum squeeze whilst manoeuvering through a very crowded club to get to the bar, people moving in all directions: usually by the time I'd registered "no that wasn't an accidental brush, that was a definite squeeze", and craned my head around whilst people behind me were jostling forward, the culprit could have been any of the people moving in any direction. Even if I could have known who I thought it was, not worth fighting my way back against the flow of people to confront, as the opportunistic ass grabber will deny everything - that's why he chose his moment in the crush and flow of people so he could get away unidentified
• the even more sleazy horrible ones who come up behind you when you're innocently and happily dancing with your mates and get their hands on your waist/arse/wherever whilst pretending to dance with you/behind you, totally unsolicited without even so much as any eye contact beforehand. Two can play that game of pretending to dance, so my dancing would immediately involve lots of the passive aggressive foot stamping whilst stepping backwards that somebody else has mentioned, plus as many vigorous sharp backwards movements of fixed pointy elbows as I could manage.

The sleazy behind-you dancer has no sense of guilt so any direct confrontation would probably have to involve shouting and loads of aggression to get them to back down, so on the couple of occasions that the violent dancing didn't deter them I told the bouncers and got them chucked out (bouncers in Dublin late 90s didn't seem to like girls being harassed and would generally take you seriously and swiftly evict the sleazeballs) Generally speaking both scenarios were pretty unsatisfying though - opportunistic crowd groper gets off scot-free; sleazy dancer usually got just enough glancing blows to make him think "oh she's not interested" rather than the rare but satisfying accidentally-on-purpose perfect direct hard stomp on foot or jab in ribs

Sabrinnnnnnnna

I know longer work there, but I suspect that the MD and his son are still as bad as they ever were.

itsbetterthanabox

I was just wondering if you would actually know who had groped you, your back is to him and in cider's example it was someone in a group.

Hmm I realise that both my scenarios involved me not making a scene. I have the typical female don't want to make a scene mindset; plus I think bouncers dislike scenes very much. They tend to move towards scenes rapidly and just chuck out everyone involved, especially if everyone's a bit pissed, the music is loud and it's hard to work out who did what to whom - easier to chuck everyone involved in the scene out. Much better to avoid scene with sleazeball and his mates, and go and calmly appeal to bouncer to get sleazeball ejected.
Went against the grain to appeal to a man to deal with another man for me when a good in yer face roaring and hard knee in the bollocks would have been more empowering and exactly what the sleazeballs deserved - but such things would not lead to a happy long stay in the club for me and all my friends, I thought.

I have done the wrist lock thing, really hurt him according to his squeals and his mates just laughing at him. I recall it being quite quick and me being very angry as it was a bum grab but I had a skirt on and he went under my skirt. In a club, very busy on a dance floor but because my reactions were quick, I knew who it was. I definitely hurt him and he was definitely shocked by my reaction.

I have ignore in the past too.

And I've responded with "that's how you try to get to know a lady, no wonder you're single" and that has been embarrassing for them.

If the music is too loud, commenting won't work (give a glare and say, 'Funny/revolting little man/school boy'). Grabbing the hand and asking who owns it is good, if you can figure out who did it.

Remember this from my church hall dance days 45 years ago. Women may have evolved but a lot of men (and I would guess it's much more often men) haven't. Resorting to stamping or hitting out may result in the one who was grabbed being thrown out or reported.

The answer is for idiotic, entitled men (or women come to that) to stop. Sadly, that'll be doomsday, I fear.

Back in my younger days I was always chucking drinks and throwing the ashtrays at them. We dont have the ashtrays in clubs anymore and Ive chilled out a bit now Im 30!

i think the best response is the one that inflicts maximum embarrassment and humiliation on the groper - so whatever response achieves that.

I've done the hand grab, raise and shout thing in the past, the step back and 'accidentally' scrape stiletto heel down the shin thing, the grabbing and snapping back of his little finger thing and, most satisfying, the picking up his pint and pouring it over his head thing (wouldn't dream of wasting my own drink doing that ).

I've done two different reactions
First one I grabbed his crotch and went "is that ok?" When he said no, I replied "then why is grabbing me ok?" He looked mortified, his mates laughed at him
Second one kept persistently doing it, told him twice I would put my drink over him if he kept doing it. He kept doing it, pint of cider and black over his white shirt

Well that sounds fair, GAIG.