Is sex working ever 'acceptable'

[neverthebride]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this board so please be gentle (!) but I'd really appreciate some views.

I have a friend who is a sex worker. Very 'exclusive' kind of thing, earns a lot of money etc. I've known her for a long time but it's only recently that she's confided in me that that's how she earns her living.

I've known several sex workers in the past (I work in MH) and those people have been at the 'street level' and were invariably drug addicts and/or very damaged individuals who were abused in so many ways in their personal lives and as sex workers and would not have been sex workers if they felt they had other options.

My friend has apparently been doing sex work for a long time. She is highly educated, has no history of abuse in her life and seems to have made an informed choice to go into sex work as a 'business'. Her clients are big-spenders and she works in an environment where all possible safety precautions are taken. She does not do anything that she doesn't want to do and has made an enormous amount of money (which she admits she is 'addicted to').

I'm really torn on this issue which I didn't think I would be!. On one hand,I think HER experience might be positive but it's perpetuating the idea that sex and bodies are for sale and I absolutely disagree with that and know that the overwhelming experience of sex workers is just horrific.

On the other hand, I think she's an adult woman who's educated and informed and who am I (or anyone else for that matter) to say that she can't make the decision about what she does with her own body?.

I won't not be her friend because of her choices but I feel so uncomfortable with either of my thought processes. Help!

I cannot find it either, maybe I made a mental mistake but I did definitely see a poster state that it would be better for the children to be taken so they wernt exposed to prostitution. My head is really blagged that i cannot find the thread now!

If I made a mistake with regards to you agreeing I'm sorry, I could have got threads/posts mixed up. I just don't think that taking the women's children would help them one bit (but obviously would agree if the children were at risk) and it kind of riles me if someone who claims to be a feminist agrees with doing so purely on the basis the mother is a prostitute.

I just don't think that taking the women's children would help them one bit (but obviously would agree if the children were at risk) and it kind of riles me if someone who claims to be a feminist agrees with doing so purely on the basis the mother is a prostitute.

that is what everyone on this thread is agreeing with, honey

'It's also not something said by feminists.'

I would hope so, as it doesnt seem a very feminist stance to me!

Belle, are you basically saying none of the other choices you had offered a lifestyle you enjoy?

And do you not find, after several years in prostitution, that your health is declining albeit slowly and you get random colds and illnesses, sickness etc more often?

The affects on your immune system and health are actually discussed often on the SAAFE forum. I developed IBS whilst working aswell and am convinced (as are other working girls) that coming into such close proximity to a number of different people each week caused me to be ill much more often than normal.

It wasn't me that said it, honey.

I'm sure some people do think it, and have posted it - not everyone who posts on here identifies as a feminist. I see anti-feminist/anti-women comments on MN all the time, unfortunately.

It's quite funny, following this thread I've got a graduate job and decided to take it.

The thing is I will never have the flexible hours, the £200-300 a day I had before.

I just don't know what to do. Obviously I don't really want to stay in the scene, but money rules these days.

Any advice appreciated.

whentheread thankyou. To be honest I don't even know what I'm seeking. Maybe approval? Maybe the opinion I've done the right thing despite the money drop? I don't know. I'm confused.

I was very happy in my job. Truly I was. But on the whole it went against everything I believed in and I wanted my son to grown up knowing his mum had a good job, not sneaking out at all hours. Felt like I was a hypocrite posting on these forums despite agreeing with 99% of it.

I know I'll suffer money wise. But long term I'm not so sure. I have opportunities now I think

I've told you im happy for you (sorry had to use the account) I just want beter for you and you to be happy. I want to see you both happy and living a proper life not one as an 'escort' or whatever.

See the other thread you commented on :) if you want to speak to me, you can do it by coming down the stairs Dana.

WhentheRed wrote - "Even in a full decrim utopia, prostitution is unsafe and dangerous. Once you are in a room alone with a man, you lose a large measure of control. Even in NZ, 4% of women working indoors are raped every year."

Legalised prostitution in New Zealand exposes prostitutes in that country to an annual rape rate about 16 times higher than the rate for the total female population of England and Wales (where the rate is about 0.25%).

Bellezeboobian, good luck with your new job.

Belle, good luck in your new job/change in direction of your life

I think you are doing the right thing to accept it. I am sure you know my stance on prostitution, and it cheers me to think you have a way out of it. I wish every woman in your position did. You will adjust, and don't take this the wrong way, but as you move away from escorting I hope that you will start to put less emphasis on the material things that money can buy and realise that self respect is actually priceless. I get that you feel you have that now though and am not attempting to undermine it, I promise.

The "16 times" figure in my previous post is for NZ prostitutes working indoors. The rate for NZ prostitutes working on the street is much worse.

I would also advise you to take the job, Belle, and I am not an abolitionist. I think your graduate job has better prospects for the future and will be less stressful.
I would say the same to anyone who had been working in a demanding and psychologically draining job (which sex work can be) and wanted a change. Of the sex workers I have known, only a few have done it long-term (and one of those is very much someone who considers herself a therapist/healer with a vocation) others saw it as a means to an end that they were happy to do for a while, or just got tired of it and wanted to change direction. One is now a paramedic, another a photographer, another an events manager (sorry, not giving any more details as no wish to out anyone)

GOod luck!

Good luck Belle.

Thankyou everyone I really appreciate it. I've had some scornful comments from other 'girls' (as we call ourselves) saying I'll be back within a week, I'll not stick a 'real job' and all that but I know I will.

I don't want to be like some of the women I see who are still in it topping up their pensions :(

Thanks

Congratulations on the job.

I agree with the pp who have said that this will offer youfuture prospects rather than day to day money.