Is sex working ever 'acceptable'

[neverthebride]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this board so please be gentle (!) but I'd really appreciate some views.

I have a friend who is a sex worker. Very 'exclusive' kind of thing, earns a lot of money etc. I've known her for a long time but it's only recently that she's confided in me that that's how she earns her living.

I've known several sex workers in the past (I work in MH) and those people have been at the 'street level' and were invariably drug addicts and/or very damaged individuals who were abused in so many ways in their personal lives and as sex workers and would not have been sex workers if they felt they had other options.

My friend has apparently been doing sex work for a long time. She is highly educated, has no history of abuse in her life and seems to have made an informed choice to go into sex work as a 'business'. Her clients are big-spenders and she works in an environment where all possible safety precautions are taken. She does not do anything that she doesn't want to do and has made an enormous amount of money (which she admits she is 'addicted to').

I'm really torn on this issue which I didn't think I would be!. On one hand,I think HER experience might be positive but it's perpetuating the idea that sex and bodies are for sale and I absolutely disagree with that and know that the overwhelming experience of sex workers is just horrific.

On the other hand, I think she's an adult woman who's educated and informed and who am I (or anyone else for that matter) to say that she can't make the decision about what she does with her own body?.

I won't not be her friend because of her choices but I feel so uncomfortable with either of my thought processes. Help!

It's disgusting. Not sure if you're on LLB but the full story about it is on there. No-one is going there now apparently. Thank god. The poor poor girl.

Yeah for a good few years. I've tried to build up the same rapport whilst workin in other parlours at the same time but it's never been the same. Just reading things on here hurts me sometimes. I chose to do this because I can. I don't have to. I'm educated. Others obviously don't hve that choice but I do.

I used to be on it, but never really posted.

And yes thats why I would never feel comfortable agreeing with taking the choice to do it away like many feminists wish to do. It was my choice aswell and I was happy and willing to be doing it at first, but feelings and stuff change and I do believe the reasons I were doing it wern't really the right ones. However I am lucky to have other options now but many women havn't. Taking the work away from them may really ruin their lives if they havn't any other support network, it would have for me.

I cant comment on anyone's individual situation just my experience and the way I saw it, and that was that the majority of the girls didn't have many other viable choices (to make so much/any money at all/in such little time etc) and were doing it for the reasons I mentioned. Never had any problems with any parlour owners or staff though, they were always nice people and were also always on your side if there was a punter acting a twat or whatever.

Belle, what hurts you to read on these threads ? Genuine question. Have you ever seen a feminist on here make a direct personal attack on working girls ? Sure, the men that choose to use your services are absolutely slated, but every post from women with direct experience of prostitution is welcomed and listened to. Just because you don't change opinion doesn't mean your outlook is dismissed and your input not valid.. There was one woman once who got a drubbing but she was just fucking rude, and I have my suspicions she wasn't quite what she said she was.

Who was it that completely ignored the distressing account posted by honey ? The punter on this thread, that is who.

Belle, what hurts you to read on these threads ? Genuine question. Have you ever seen a feminist on here make a direct personal attack on working girls ? Sure, the men that choose to use your services are absolutely slated, but every post from women with direct experience of prostitution is welcomed and listened to. Just because you don't change opinion doesn't mean your outlook is dismissed and your input not valid.. There was one woman once who got a drubbing but she was just fucking rude, and I have my suspicions she wasn't quite what she said she was.

Who was it that completely ignored the distressing account posted by honey ? The punter on this thread, that is who.

Bloody phone, sorry

AnyFucker not this thread specifically but I've read a lot on this forum as a whole about 'happy hookers' as people call us an the derogatory comments that follow. I don't know of these were from feminists, because I hope feminists would support me in what I want to do and try to fight to make me safe in my choice

It's just threads like this bring unfounded 'facts' out of the woodwork.

But I'm glad it's bein discussed. I don't post much at ALL but this has got me involved an it's been an interesting read

And I'm very thankful the rude woman was told, so many women hate us and I understand why in a way but I don't want any trouble ever.

The women that hate you are not feminists, IMO.

I hate the men that use your services, but they enable you to make a living. It's a toughie

I appreciate your input AnyFucker. I've seen you on the forum and know you don't pull your punches so it's nice to see that whilst you may not agree with what we do, you don't condemn us.

Belle I do sympathise with you because I do think on these topics theres far too much black or white speak and thinking, someone either is or isnt a 'happy hooker', and from my experience there is a lot of grey areas. I know anyone would have thought I was a happy hooker, for definite, and I was. I gave a good service, looked good and made the choice to do the job. I also used to post on forums defending my right to do the job (I still would feel uncomfortable agreeing with removing that right). But I still had severe issues in my past that I believe contributed to me entering the industry, and lots of the willing and happy girls I met had similar lifestyles and backgrounds that could be described as vulnerable in the very least.

I just don't think anyone should be propagating the idea a prostitute is either happy or not, 'privileged' or not etc its really damaging because from mine and the girls lives I met there was huge grey areas with regards to their choice to do it and their lifestyles (sorry if I havnt explained this very well!)

Some of the beginning comments, namely someone saying it would probably be better taking women's children off them so they arn't exposed to prostitution (subsequently agreed with by Sabrina, who claims to be a feminist?) are utterly shocking and infact really anger me and show such a lack of respect and understanding to women who work in prostitution. Theres no need for them to be 'exposed' to the job anymore than there is the children of a police officer, firefighter or whatever to be exposed to their parents job.

It also does not mean whatsoever in anyway possible someone isn't a fit mother. Do people just assume prostitutes see clients in their children's homes or have sex with clients with their children in the building? No, its like any other job where their children will be at school or being looked after by a family member while the woman is in a completely different place working, with the children never being exposed to anything to do with the job.

That sort of opinion really does make me think its a moral issue for a lot of women on these topics who claim to be a feminist and looking out for the rights of the women. To then say they'd agree with taking their children off them purely because they do sex work is utterly abhorrent and disingenuous in the extreme.

It totally stinks of 'nothing else will stop them poisoning society with their prostitution, make it mandatory to take their children off them 'for their own good', that'll stop them'

Disgusting.

22Honey, where did I agree that women should have their children taken off them??

Really, honey ?

Incidentally, I think women who are addicted to drugs, alcohol or generally living an unsafe lifestyle should very much be scrutinised as to whether they are suitable parents or not

the same for men of course

I wouldn't directly agree with "have your kids taken off you if you are a prostitute" though

No-one has said that honey.

I hope feminists would support me in what I want to do and try to fight to make me safe in my choice

Belle you should read some of the other threads on here about the issues of choice in feminism. A lot of feminists don't believe that just because a woman makes a choice, feminists have to support it. I would not support anyone's "choice" to go into prostitution because of the huge numbers of women whose choices are at best, constrained and who suffer as a result. I also believe the existence of prostitution is harmful to all women by continuing the notion that women are a sex class for the benefit of men and that women's sexual gratification is not important in sexual relations. I don't regard having to dissociate your sexual feelings and desires to enable you to have sex with any Tom, Dick or Harry is sex positive. Despite these beliefs, if I thought prostitution could be made safe for the women, I would support measures that reduce harm. However, I don't believe this is possible. Prostitution is inherently harmful as an activity because the source of the danger and exploitation is the punter and the pimp.

The fact that a choice was made between two or more bad options, in my view takes any meaning away from the concept of choice. If I have a choice of being punched in the head or punched in the stomach, and I chose the head, is that "down to me" because I chose it?

Sorry, I think it was on another thread discussing similar as cannot find it on here now, but right at the beginning of the thread was a post by some random user saying 'maybe it would be best if their children were removed so they arn't exposed to prostitution' and then Sabrina, the poster on this thread, said to that poster that they agreed. I will keep looking to see if I can find the posts/thread. I was sure it was on this one!

'I think women who are addicted to drugs, alcohol or generally living an unsafe lifestyle should very much be scrutinised as to whether they are suitable parents or not'

Yes, but what has that got to do with prostitution? Thousands of parents have drug and alcohol/dysfunction problems, most of them arnt involved in the sex industry, and most of them don't lose custody of their children. So why should a woman working in prostitution be any different? The country hasn't got the money to go round taking the children off anyone whose lifestyle/morals they don't agree with.

I would agree with taking the children off ANYONE who is putting them at risk, the point is the mother being a prostitute doesnt equal the children being at risk.

I dont disagree with anyones points just pointing out how disingenuous and ignorant it is to state you 'agree' with taking the children off a woman purely because they are a prostitute, that is not feminism at all in my eyes its moralistic controlling bullshit.

You wont find it, 22Honey, because I've never said it.

However, I agree broadly with AnyFucker's post above ^ I would never say that children should be removed from mother's purely because they are working in prostitution.

Yes, but what has that got to do with prostitution?

That was precisely my point.

honey, you are putting words into people's mouths

flora I understand what you're saying, however I don't agree with the analogy you created. Prostitution wasn't a bad choice for me. I had many choices I could take. I took the one that offered me a lifestyle I enjoy.