So many evil men...can't stand it

[SplitHeadGirl]

First of all, I know fully well that men will get upset at what I think and am about to say, so I would like to clarify that I am talking about EVIL men, not the good, wonderful dads and granddads and husbands and nice single blokes out there....the ones who I KNOW (my brain, not my gut, tells me so) are in a majority, but who seem to be few (is it their deafening silence?)

But any fool can see that the sheer amount of men, who are prepared to do unspeakable things to women and girls (and boys as well as other men, not to mention the vulnerable and the elderly...wow, the list goes on) is just overwhelming. I read today about Anene Booysen, and I was absolutely heartbroken, but yet not shocked. For men to be so diabolical to women is not shocking anymore, and that is men's greatest tragedy.

I have two little daughters, and a little son, and I fear for them at the hands of men. Not women...just men.

I feel like I am thinking out loud with this post, so no worries if no one feels they can respond. I just wish I didn't feel so helpless at the tsunami of male violence.

More men are raped in the US than women, yet does anyone think of that when it comes to rape? No, because the narrative is ALWAYS about women. Something needs to change. The answer is NOT to focus solely on women, who does that help ultimately?

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/feb/21/us-more-men-raped-than-women

"1 in 4 women get raped or sexually assaulted by men."

aspiringeconomist.com/index.php/2009/09/11/rape-statistics-1-in-4/

That statistic is thrown around a lot, but has anyone actually tracked it down to see where it originated from? This isn't a police or UN statistic, it was taken from a student survey done back in 1985 by a Mary Koss on uni campuses. Questions asked to the female students included if she had sex after drinking any amount of alcohol (and a "yes" answer was counted as "rape").

Out of all the students Mary Koss identified as rape victims, only 27% of those considered themself to be a rape victim.

Grennie said "Coerced sex may not legally be rape, but it is still rape."

No it isn't, and to suggest it is is disrespectful to women who have been raped.

There's a world of difference to agreeing to have sex when you don't really want to but your partner does, and being forced into sex when you've said no.

There isn't a woman in the world who's in a relationship with a man who hasn't had coerced sex. I know I have many times. It's not rape, and not the worst thing in the world. My DH is a decent man, works v. hard, a great dad, and a great hubby. Not a womaniser, or a drinker, or a gambler. Numerous times he's suggest sex, I've said I can't be bothered, he's said "go on, why not..etc.etc, and I've gone ahead with it, because he's a decent guy who is doing his bit and some de-stressing sex will be good for him. He does loads for me that he doesn't want to do and I twist his arm. I see it as normal give and take in a long term relationship. (35 yrs now).

Ps. There's been a few times when I've coerced him into sex!!

So what Kim? Does that make it OK then? I don't understand your reasoning there.

Have you read the entirety of the linked article about comparing apples with oranges?

I agree that prison rape should be acted upon.

Is there a fundamental difference between men who commit violent acts and those who do not? Or is it all about opportunity?

"1 in 4 women get raped or sexually assaulted by men."

That statistic is particularly misleading. It uses coerced sex/touching/kissing at part of it's numbers. Which is not the same as forced or unwanted, which has been pointed out.

'Is there a fundamental difference between men who commit violent acts and those who do not? Or is it all about opportunity?'

I think the demographic of the majority of offenders is the most fundamental difference. Although, of course, I'm being 'classist' to say that.

I said 'most', not 'all'. x 100

Are we talking poverty, education, wealth? Or are there other factors? Geographical location? Is there any useful research?

Kim -

Any rape is an issue.

Yes male violence is an issue. A societal issue in the main, created by the left, and not fixed by blaming only absent fathers and the media.

Education in schools, well yes. But unbiased education involving both sexes, not just women.

Is my short answer.

Biggedybiggedybongsoitis Sat 02-Nov-13 16:45:33
Is there a fundamental difference between men who commit violent acts and those who do not? Or is it all about opportunity?

My DH works with many women in his office. Mostly younger attractive women. He often goes to meetings with them, sometimes with them on trips abroad. He's bigger and more powerful than his female colleagues. So I guess he's had lots of opportunity to rape. But no one has ever reported him for rape, and at work functions that he drags me to, they all seem very fond of him and tell me what a decent guy he is. So I'm pretty sure that although he has had ample opportunity, he's never been violent to any of them. If he has, they hide their terror very well!!

"Yes male violence is an issue. A societal issue in the main, created by the left.."

SF, really? Male violence is a left wing problem? You've got to be kidding. Do expand IF you have the time, but atm that remains as nonsense.

I am asking because this area is a fundamental issue for feminism, so I would expect that some academic research has been carried out. I'd like to know what the findings were.

Yes Biggedy. A sense of entitlement.

I think so, maybe not in it's entirety. I'm not expanding on that. DH has just insinuated that I'd be unwise to, and I value his opinion as my equal

You'll just have to continue thinking it's nonsense.

Okay. A sense of entitlement. Two questions. First, can I have a link to any research please? And secondly, does the research identify the reason for some men having this, and some not?

'Are we talking poverty, education, wealth?'

Yes.

Most men aren't rapists, and yet of all the rapists, 99.999% of them are men. It is okay to notice which demographic is doing all the raping.

That's not a surprising or insightful statistic seeing as a woman cannot legally rape a man - she can only sexually assault a man so couldn't be a rapist. A woman can only be found guilty of rape if she is guilty under the joint enterprise clause (she was part of a group that committed a rape and she was deemed equally culpable of enabling the rape to take place).
So in effect saying that 99.999% of rapes are committed by men means absolutely nothing that we can't work out for ourselves.

Brenslo, nobody has said all men rape women. Clearly they don't