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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

365 replies

Manchesterhistorygirl · 02/10/2013 17:41

I blame you lot. Thanks.

Last night dh's friend was telling him all about his recent visit to a lap dancing bar. I told him he and his mates were a bunch of twats and I was disgusted at them all, especially since they all have partners.

I also told dh if I ever found out he'd done the same it'd be the absolute last thing he ever did.

So my nest of vipers, thank you for giving me the confidence to handle a situation I've always found disgusting, but wouldn't have ever spoken out about until I joined here.

OP posts:
BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 14:47

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Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 14:50

Shall we continue the debate down the strip club? I'll get the first round

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 14:50

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Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 14:52

Buffy - she didn't refuse to shut up, she just gave an opinion in her own home. Her default position isn't shutting the fuck up.

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 14:55

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comingalongnicely · 03/10/2013 14:57

It's not what you said, it's possibly the way you said it.

What's going to make him think about his actions more?

A bit of a chat, some adult discussion & some pointers to get him thinking

or

"some stupid cow swearing & banging on at me" (Which is what he'll be saying to all & sundry).

I don't think you're wrong to express your opinion, I just don't think you did it in the most effective way if you expected to make a difference....

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 14:58

Buffy - not controlling because she gave an opinion. Controlling and abusive for threatening death. Even if it was a joke DV isn't that funny.

Keepithidden · 03/10/2013 14:58

Sorry to be a bit of a dunce here, but if an equal society existed would the presence of lapdancing clubs of both kinds still be an issue? I find them distatseful and see why people view them as akin to an affair, but I can also see why some people don't take that viewpoint and see them as another kind of entertainment.

Assuming the market is there and the participants aren't coerced is there anything intrinsically wrong with these establishments (from a feminist perspective) or is it simply because they purr*petuate the male-centric path society seems to be heading increasingly down?

  • Had to get kiittens in there somewhere!
Twiddlebum · 03/10/2013 14:59

Yougotbale..... I'll see you down the club! GrinWine

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 15:02

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BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 15:05

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Keepithidden · 03/10/2013 15:05

Fair enough, thanks for one feminist's opinion Buffy!

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 15:06

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reelingintheyears · 03/10/2013 15:10

I haven't read anywhere the OP threatening to kill her DP, she made an off the cuff remark about it being the last thing he'd do.

Like you said, figure of speech, I read it being picked up on as goady.

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 15:12

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LurcioLovesFrankie · 03/10/2013 15:16

comingalong - in my experience, the sort of man who is enough of a saddo to go to lapdancing clubs will interpret "A bit of a chat, some adult discussion & some pointers to get him thinking" as "some stupid cow swearing & banging on at me" in any case, so you might as well have the catharsis of a bit of swearing (specially if they had the cheek to express these opinions in your own house).

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 15:17

Buffy - I didn't say it was the same as a rape joke. It's a joke about killing her partner. It's not the way to make a point IMO

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 15:19

Do you think DV and rape jokes are funny? Or one more so than the other?
Unbelievable

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 15:21

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Rowlers · 03/10/2013 15:24

My DP would expect nothing less of me, had I cause to tell his mate he was being a dick for going to a strip club.
In fact, he'd be perplexed if I didn't.

It's a no-brainer.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 15:25

Buffy - you assumed that my opinion on the OP's joke make me disingenuous. You might be ok with flippant remarks of this nature. I'm not.

If you'd like to tell me the difference between a DV joke and a rape joke, I'm all ears (eyes)

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/10/2013 15:26

FFS...

Goading, definitely goading.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 15:28

What's more goading than writing 'goading'?

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 15:29

Belle- Buffy offered to explain, I'm interested?

Thecatisatwat · 03/10/2013 15:30

I remember an old schoolfriend of Dh coming round a few years back and telling us about a fab holiday he'd had in Thailand and how cheap and good the prostitutes in Bangkok were. I said something along the lines of 'OMG how crap are you in bed if you have to pay a stranger for sex, that is so sad, I'm sure there is help out there for people with such problems etc.' He went quiet after that and hasn't been round since although he very occasionally emails Dh (although I am strangely never mentioned).

So well done for standing up for your beliefs OP, we all do it in different ways although I find the combination of sarcasm and sympathy particularly effective.