What ordinary things make you feel positive about feminism?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I hope it's ok to start this thread - I wanted to because I was thinking a lot about violence and rape and all the awful things that happen, and frankly, I would like to think about some of the positive stuff too. I'd like to remind myself of the dads and sons and brothers and male friends we've got who do 'get' feminism, and the women we know who 'get' feminism and use it to make other people's lives better - it's not always a pitched battle or a lonely thing.

So, I want to know, who are the ordinary people in your life who make you feel proud to be a feminist (they don't have to be perfect!), and what ordinary things do you do, that you're proud of, that you do because you're a feminist?

I'll kick off: my baby niece makes me so proud to be a feminist. She is wonderful and gorgeous and clever (naturally ... she is not much over a year old ). But what makes me feel really proud of feminism is that she's growing up as the apple of her parents' eyes and the whole family thinks she is wonderful and can do anything - that's something we ought to be able to take for granted but women didn't used to be able to, and women in other part of the world can't.

And my brother makes me feel proud to be a feminist, because without feminism, I don't think he would have been able to take on the role he does as easily as he does, and he is really working hard (I know it's hard, he and his wife say so) to share the parenting.

For me, ordinary things I feel proud of - I've not completely managed to buy all books by women this year, but the majority of the books I've bought have been books by women, and I like this as a little feminist thing I can do.

What about you?

I am a single mother.
No one thinks I'm defective or of loose morals. I am not judged. Thank you older feminists and thank you society for listening to them.

Can't think of a specific thing to say right now, but want to share in the happy.

I've started consciously listening to music by women and making women-only playlists, and I find the music empowering. I like male artists too! But I found that without thinking too much about it they were dominating my music collection.

I am raising DS pretty much alone ATM, holding down a part time job, and part time degree study course Also asking to take on more responsibility at work and pulling colleagues up on sexism and them taking me seriously

Coming on the MN relationships board and seeing people find a new life for themselves after appalling treatment and abuse. That always gives me a warm glow whether I've posted on the thread or not.

That's a good one. Thank you older feminists

Fair enough trills.

Bertie - I must do that, too! I have been enjoying listening to women singers, I find that really interesting, since for so long they were considered second-best to boys' choirs.

I agree about seeing people get out of abusive relationships .... it's amazing.

I think the smaller ones are wonderful too - when you realize you've shifted the way you respond to little domestic niggles, and someone else has shifted too, and you're both agreeing. It just makes life that tiny bit better, in increments, even if it's just feeling confident that no, the washing up isn't automatically my job because I have boobs.

I am of the younger adult generation, a lot of people my age have children now.
theres a group on fb for people my age and slightly younger and its scary how often people post with 'my bf does nothing for the baby' etc.

But what is really nice is how often its met with, 'Get him told why do you tolerate that?'
I can't imagine anybody condoning that kind of behaviour in this day and age.

Up at the edinburgh fringe seeing fantastic female comedians being appreciated just as much as the male comics. I know it's a comedy savvy audience and there's still a long way to go but it's brilliant to see such talented women being properly appreciated as part of culture.

My DH is a great example. We had a few massive rows about him pulling his weight when I was pregnant with DS and I was very worried that he would be useless when he was born but the absolute opposite was true. From day one, he shared the night wakings, every single night, no excuses, no whinging, and I've always felt he is an equal parent with whom I can leave DS at any time without having to organise anything or worry one bit. Now that I'm pregnant with DC2 he has taken on more responsibility for DS to give me time to rest. He values the work I do as a SAHM and never makes me feel like second best in the relationship. He always treats me with respect. Basic things, really, but important and things that a lot of women don't even expect nowadays.

One thing I was very pleased about - he was watching Spartacus and I commented angrily that it was a horrible misogynistic show. He was a bit shocked but listened when I explained that I felt the constant stream of scenes depicting rape and violent sex in a "sexy" manner were fetishising sexual violence against women and turning it into something to titillate viewers rather than showing the real effect it can have. The women in the show were just basically there to be stripped off and fucked, by whatever means necessary. I noticed after that that he stopped watching it, and though we didn't talk about it again I know what I said made an impression because he made a pissed off comment about the nasty sex scenes in A Game of Thrones, which is one of his favourite programmes. I think he's far more aware of how violence against women is used as a source of entertainment in the media.

That's lovely to hear cailin (and personally I'm really glad to know that it can work out ... I'm looking ahead and it's good to have positive examples).

My DH is getting a lot better, too.

In terms of 'ordinary' people who make me proud to be a feminist, there's a good lot of women I know who're just a bit further ahead of me in careers and family life and it's so good to have the positive examples of how they make relationships work.

On a micro-scale, I like it that dd gives all of her fluffy toys (tigers, hedgehogs, that sort of thing) girls' names. When my dad refers to them as 'he' she politely sets him straight.

And in a wider context, I like it that nobody for years and years has asked me 'Ooh, what's it like?' when it comes up in conversation that my two bosses are women (last time was prob over ten years ago ? I've been here a while!).

I'm a single mum too and I'm proud of/thankful to the feminists who fought to highlight the double sexual standard (as far back as those who campaigned against the Contagious Diseases Act in the C19th) because they made it possible to be who I am without the guilt.

I'm also happy to be a feminist because whenever some sexist bullshit crops up I have the logic and language to analyse it and recognise it for the lie that it is. That's thanks in large part to the eloquence of you lot!

I'm happy I've passed those skills onto DS because he is good at recognising the bullshit aimed at boys too.

lio - I love that, it's not micro at all really, surely?

messy - just , to you.

Thanks LRD. Well, in terms of my dd's development and sense of self I am HUGELY pleased, but I just felt quite aware that it's not really in the same league as single mums not being judged as having loose morals, for example.

I'm also grateful to this board for giving me the confidence to explain to my children why 'scream like a girl' is not a phrase I want them to use, without feeling like a humourless (good thread been going on about that) killjoy for doing so.

Feminists are just simply the coolest!

I've just been accepted onto a highly competitive graduate scheme which is very managerial focused. The majority of the candidates are female. It is well paid and should open up a hell of a lot of opportunities

And micro, micro - my current boss told me I had to wear heels to this interview and looked horrified when I laughed in his face. Got the fucking job

There are now more women than men training to be Doctors.

The last time I was admitted as an emergency all the nurses I saw were men.When I was at primary school I was caned for saying a man could be a nurse (Had two uncles who were).

I supose the big ones are that my pay is not decided by having a vagina.

Quote from a male friend "It's not like women were ever paid less for doing the same job" - yes they bloody were, but for someone in their 30s to think that would be so outragous that it had never happened, well that's progress.

I don;t contribute to these boards very often as I'm not as well educated nor as eloquent as the rest of you. But a couple of things I want to add, hope they make sense.

Since MN I have discovered my inner feminist, I always knew it was there but reading and lurking on so many threads has made me think about things a lot more.

My mum was a single parent in the 60s, whilst in nurse training. She did it. A big fuck you to anyone who told her she couldn't. Sadly she then ended up in an abusive marriage that she didn't get out of. She still inspires me though. She passed on so much wisdom to me. I remember her telling me that it had been hard for her, but it would be easier for me, and easier still for my children. As long as we all do our bit. It might not go right sometimes but it will get better for women as a whole. That might sound trite, but I can't convey the feeling with which she said it.

Oh and I have started watching films and questioning the roles of the lead female (sure there was a thread about it, must search it out). I think once you start noticing things like that you can't switch off from it.

But I have to say my DD is what makes me feel great about ordinary things about feminism. She dresses how she pleases, plays the games she wants, and she questions others if they dare suggest her outfit/hobby/game is more suitable for a boy. I know that sounds such a small thing.

I have probably got this whole thread wrong but hope some of what I say makes sense.

I work in a small team and it's probably half men, half women. I've noticed here, which has not been the case anywhere else that the men seem to be doing an equal amount of childcare, they;re the ones that get the calls when children are sick, they're the ones taking half days when it's sports day etc. A colleague's wife is currently retraining and he was talking about his long term plans and how if she ended up in another city he would of course have to look for another job - it was just a given. The general chat round the office also seems to be about children and our families, camping trips, weekends spent with kids, not the usual macho posturing and "how drunk I got" rubbish. I've never noticed this before! We work on women's issues - not sure if that has anything to do with it or whether it's just coincidence.
My boss is a woman (nothing new there) but she inspires me. She's a good boss and gets things done but the values and passion she has for making things better for women and children is always evident.

You reminded of my DH Stealth. (Feel bad I didn't think of him but going through a bad patch) as far as childcare goes and splitting the house chores, he always does his share and more so my DC are growing up knowing that running a house is joint responsibility, there are no men jobs and womens responsibilties in our house. We each work to our own strengths. DHs boss (male) is great too and very flexible.

• Voting

• The large number of senior professional mothers I know, being paid good wages. Still room for improvement but a big change from a generation ago, and I think women starting work now do have it better ( and there are a lot more)

• that bodies like the Olympic movement are under pressure all the time for ensuring female equality. I don't think it comes naturally....

• Abortion without stigma. This needs to be fought for again though.

To my mind the big area that needs to be campaigned for now is affordable childcare for working women, I think it's the thing that will make the biggest impact on their lives.

Ds saying 'mum when I grow up I'm going to be a feminist' :)

These are lovely, keep them coming!

sashh I can't believe your mate said that!

But the stats about women training to be doctors are nice to see. My cousin's wife is a doctor and training to be a surgeon (which is still an area there aren't many women in compared to men), and she just gets stuck in and bulldozes past anything in her way!

I bang on about feminism in my man's ear.

He recently finished reading a book (can't remember which one now) and turned to me and said he didn't like it because the author's a Misogynist because he only writes about two types of female characters- mothrly matriarchs whose only desire is to breed and care for people and immoral sluts whose only desire is to get fucked by whatever means (including rape) necessary.

Whoop whoop!

Mainstream feminism like Caitlin Moran's book.

-the most respected, capable and farking scary, authoritative boss I have ever had was a woman.

-her second in command (also an amazing woman) has just got a massive promotion to be the boss somewhere else.

-I currently work with a lovely, kind, educated guy who works part time so he can split child are 50:50 with his wife - and he does at least his share if not more. Turned up to a work social a bit late saying 'sorry was baking with the kids, lost track of time'. And NOONE batted an eyelid. He is totally respected. This shouldn't be extraordinary, but I work somewhere with majority male staff and a fair bit of misogyny and he is like a beacon for future hope!