What ordinary things make you feel positive about feminism?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I hope it's ok to start this thread - I wanted to because I was thinking a lot about violence and rape and all the awful things that happen, and frankly, I would like to think about some of the positive stuff too. I'd like to remind myself of the dads and sons and brothers and male friends we've got who do 'get' feminism, and the women we know who 'get' feminism and use it to make other people's lives better - it's not always a pitched battle or a lonely thing.

So, I want to know, who are the ordinary people in your life who make you feel proud to be a feminist (they don't have to be perfect!), and what ordinary things do you do, that you're proud of, that you do because you're a feminist?

I'll kick off: my baby niece makes me so proud to be a feminist. She is wonderful and gorgeous and clever (naturally ... she is not much over a year old ). But what makes me feel really proud of feminism is that she's growing up as the apple of her parents' eyes and the whole family thinks she is wonderful and can do anything - that's something we ought to be able to take for granted but women didn't used to be able to, and women in other part of the world can't.

And my brother makes me feel proud to be a feminist, because without feminism, I don't think he would have been able to take on the role he does as easily as he does, and he is really working hard (I know it's hard, he and his wife say so) to share the parenting.

For me, ordinary things I feel proud of - I've not completely managed to buy all books by women this year, but the majority of the books I've bought have been books by women, and I like this as a little feminist thing I can do.

What about you?

deffo LRD if there is one place where men's voices are rarely heard, it's the internet

No, actually, I agree.

I think the fact they were rattled - and then made themselves look like idiots with those banned adverts - does show that anti-feminism is becoming part of the lunatic fringe, not something acceptable.

And it's pretty impressive that the people on here who got quoted in that didn't let it scare them into shutting up.

at chibi.

I can earn as much or more than my DP without people thinking he's no use, or that I must be aggressively dominant. No one would ever suggest his career should take precedence over what I want / do.

No-one bats an eyelid at the fact that the motorcycle is mine and the ridiculous amount of baking equipment belongs to DP

No-one is horrified that I am in my 30s and we're not yet married / haven't got children. We both have the right to conduct our relationship as we see fit.

I can walk into a bar or restaurant on my own when travelling and am unlikely to be judged.

What makes me positive: that from my observation (limited, obviously) men in general, I think, realise and accept that sexism is unacceptable.

Doesn't mean that they necessarily always realise when something is sexist, but it's a very big step.

A guy at work who retired earlier this year told me at the last office Christmas party the story of how he had developed inclusive and enlightened views over the course of his career. Really touching, and encouraging.

Did he finish it with the joke about the blonde and the pencil?
(sorry...couldn't resist)

Talking to my teenage son, and him sticking up for his sister's right to have the career that she wants.

stealth hurr hurr

No, he didn't!

He is actually a really nice person, he just had Stone Age views for most of his life. Probably not his fault, I suppose.

People do change, don't they? It's encouraging. I think I've noticed how much my brother's attitudes are softening up - once upon a time he'd have thought feminism was all just a bit silly, a bit OTT. He can still come out with some shockers but in some areas he's become very aware and serious about it.

It was when he said to my dad 'you know, you're saying 'sexism' but you mean institutionalized misogyny really' I had a bit of a proud smile (he's my wee brother, I'm allowed to patronize him gently! )

Btw is there a joke about the blonde and the pencil? I'm really curious now!

No, not one that I know of, just seemed a good cliche

Pity!

I was wondering whether it involved eyebrow pencils.

Because I am an idiot, I googled 'blonde and pencil joke'.

Don't bother.

No the only pencil joke I know is the one about the constipated accountant (who could, I suppose, be the blonde)

Ooh, that reminds me of my all-time favourite joke (which tells you something about how sad I am).

Q: How many Oxford dons does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: CHANGE?!

I don't know why that makes me happy, but it does.

I don't think I want to know about that joke!

That related to the accountant joke, not yours, LRD!

Bit of a derail here, so apologies, but hopefully it won't take up too much time.

As some of you know I am new on MN and have just had a WTF moment from clicking, more or less at random, on an Active Topic that was in an area called dadsnet. A lot of men ranting about "entitled feminists", whatever that means.

Anyone got a potted summary of what that is all about?

By the way, I haven't got a favourite joke, but I have got a favourite limerick. Here it is:

There was a young man from Dundee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp.
When asked if it hurt,
He replied "Not at all:
He can do it again if he likes."

I didn't see that one - I think there's always a small minority of people (and they're not necessarily dadsnet posters or male posters, either) who kick off about feminism and seem bent on having a go at it.

A while back, the group Fathers for Justice got it into their heads that Mumsnet was a horrible, awful place full of screaming feminists trying to victimise them and they tried to run anti-MN adverts which promptly got banned. Every now and again they or other Men's Rights Activists (MRAs) will stage a wee board invasion, come along and make daft comments to try and wind people up, that sort of thing.

It's not great but, well, what can you do? Other than hope they knob off.

There are shedloads of lovely bloke posters around, and most regulars on the feminism board have male children or partners, so it's not like we don't know blokes like that are in the minority.

Thanks, LRD: that makes sense.

Delurking for this thread because FWR gives daily positive affirmation.

In the wider context; the youngest male in the office agreeing that "woman" is a much better generic term to use than "lady".

Increasing understanding that married couples don't need to have the same surname (although that still has a way to go).

Bicycles

and all the fantastic wonderful benefits from earlier feminists that I don't even have to bother thinking about (contraception, voting, owning property, equal pay-scales etc etc). My Grandmother had to give up work on marriage (Librarian)-I'm so grateful when I bother thinking about everything that has been achieved and even more grateful that I don't have to be aware of these on a daily basis.

We have a work experience student in our (mostly male) office.

I thought she was getting her A-level results today.

Turns out she is actually getting her GCSEs next week!

She is very confident and bright and as far as I can tell has not been treated at all differently for being "a girl".

The mostly-male office is also mostly-under-30 and I don't think it would occur to most of them to do anything that would end up on a "work experience horror stories" thread in the future.

Is "woman" really considered a better term to use than "lady"?

Funnily enough, I read that post just after looking up the etymology of "woman" (I already knew the gerneral provenance, but I wanted some of the finer details). "Lady" has a much nicer etymology!

In reference to the main topic: the fact that this section exists at all and has taught me so much and increased my book buying bills

Mmm. I think the objection to 'lady' is that it implies the same ideas about polarized gender roles being a matter of courtesy and civilization that 'gentleman' does.

I take your point about the etymology of woman but I get the impression most people don't immediately think of that whereas 'lady' conjures up all sorts of dodgy associations ('act like a little lady!' etc.).

But anyway .... these are great to read, especially about attitudes improving over time.

I like that I can put down a bank card in a restaurant, and - slowly, slowly - more and more places will not automatically assume it belongs to DH. I really don't think that happened often ten years ago and now it is much more common for them either to take a moment to read the name, or to politely hold the card machine in the middle of the table so either of us could take it.