What ordinary things make you feel positive about feminism?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I hope it's ok to start this thread - I wanted to because I was thinking a lot about violence and rape and all the awful things that happen, and frankly, I would like to think about some of the positive stuff too. I'd like to remind myself of the dads and sons and brothers and male friends we've got who do 'get' feminism, and the women we know who 'get' feminism and use it to make other people's lives better - it's not always a pitched battle or a lonely thing.

So, I want to know, who are the ordinary people in your life who make you feel proud to be a feminist (they don't have to be perfect!), and what ordinary things do you do, that you're proud of, that you do because you're a feminist?

I'll kick off: my baby niece makes me so proud to be a feminist. She is wonderful and gorgeous and clever (naturally ... she is not much over a year old ). But what makes me feel really proud of feminism is that she's growing up as the apple of her parents' eyes and the whole family thinks she is wonderful and can do anything - that's something we ought to be able to take for granted but women didn't used to be able to, and women in other part of the world can't.

And my brother makes me feel proud to be a feminist, because without feminism, I don't think he would have been able to take on the role he does as easily as he does, and he is really working hard (I know it's hard, he and his wife say so) to share the parenting.

For me, ordinary things I feel proud of - I've not completely managed to buy all books by women this year, but the majority of the books I've bought have been books by women, and I like this as a little feminist thing I can do.

What about you?

I need to salute my DH. Never had any qualms/ debate about housework, child care, etc. He does at least as much as I do. We never have needed any discussions about this, it's just as it is. More importantly, the two moves across country we have done since being together have been for my job and he has happily followed and when needed, got a new job. I earn more than he does and he doesn't have any hang ups about that.
I don't have any DDs to influence, but have 3 DSs and am sure with his (and my) influence, they can grow up with a full understanding of feminism.

Oh, meant to add a story from when DS1 was at preschool which made me very proud.
He was role playing with another little boy and a little girl. They were playing "doctors and nurses" and the girl wanted to be the doctor. The other boy said girls can't be doctors, to which DS piped up, apparently very indignantly, that yes they could and he knew because his Mummy was one. . That was about seven years ago and I still remember it with pride.

Hmm, I find myself using Ladies because I am making a vivacious effort not to use Girls and Women doesn't work in an "addressing a group" context. I think it's ok because I would use Gents in the same way (eg "Gents, time for the meeting") but I do cringe a little because of the "be a lady" type background.

Vivacious = conscious

I actually quite like that autocorrect!

Good on your DS coffee!

ennis - yeah, I prefer a vivacious effort.

I find I don't notice so much about using 'ladies', but I have to really stop myself from referring to a mixed group as 'guys' and I know some women really don't care for that.

Yeah, especially as "guys and ladies" doesn't work, it has to be "guys and girls" (or Guys and Dolls )

coffee that's lovely. My DS also says things that make me beam with feminist pride. I always thought that not having DDs would mean I couldn't make a difference, but actually bringing up our DSs to value women as equals will have a huge effect.

What about "gentlewoman"? I quite like that as it sounds suffragettey (proper word that ). Is it my imagination or did gentlewoman come to mean prostitute, hence the change to "lady"?

Aww, messy

DS1 chose a big pink outdoor toy. DS2 gets upset if he doesn't get the pink plate.

Hope they come out with more articulate comments as they grow up!

That is so true, messy

I would kinda love to rock up to class and address them all as 'guys and dolls'.

I already have to bite my tongue not to call everyone 'love' because I grew up with it - MN has mostly cured me of that, though!

messy - did it?! Wow. Poor gentlewomen.

I suppose if I got snotty I'd say I don't like the class aspect of gentlewomen. Didn't the suffragettes get poncey about working class women, or am I forgetting and doing them a huge disservice?

Ooh, sounds nice. Or guys and 'gettes, maybe?

Maybe I'll go with French, German or Italian - we don't have a direct translation of "mesdames et Messieurs", do we?!

Gentlewoman in my mind sounds as if your father is a gentleman i.e. he has no trade but just lives by being a landowner.

You are a gentleman, I am a gentleman's daughter, thus far we are equal.

What about 'sir'? Being a massive geek - ahem - familiar with certain excellent works of televised fiction, I've seen 'sir' used as gender-neutral in a rather cool way, and although I react against it because it's the male becoming default, there is something nice about women being 'sir' too?

trills - yes, indeed!

How about 'sisters', LRD?

I've never heard of gentlewoman being a euphemism for prostitute.

I thank feminism for, oh so much. Belonging to myself, allowing me to raise my children as individuals, the freedom to make my own decisions and many late nights having my eyes opened even wider, my preconceptions challenged and my understanding stretched on the FWR board.

LRD don't want to burst your bubble but on Tuesday night DH and I were out to dinner and as you do were discussing the everyday sexism project. He scoffed at the restaurant card thing as being unlikely in this day and age... So we tested it, I asked for the bill, made a show of reading it so the waitress could see, got my card out and placed it in front of me. She picked the card up, put it in the machine.... And passed it to DH which is one way of losing your tip

It was so blatant it was funny.... For about 2 minutes

I do like sisters, hester. I never used to but I like it now.

felicity - oh, no, I get that too! In fact DH and I have a pact that I will always pay and taste the wine, just to see what happens. But I am only happy that it happens more often (IME) that they don't always give the card to DH ... I know they will still do it a lot!

It is annoying, isn't it?

That is shocking, Felicity, and depressing.

messy, when I said "that is so true" I meant about raising sons!

gentlewoman is certainly used in shakespeare, not sure what it means though, but i imagine the same as gentleman?
i dont use lady, i try to use woman, but woman can be an insult, the tsarina of russia was known as the 'german woman' by the prolatariat, somehow a woman being no better than she could be.
it's all wrapped up in nuance and culture and it's a shame there isnt a term without baggage

messy I totally agree about the importance of bringing up boys.
felicity I am [shocked] at that. I often pay when DH and I go out as I am the one who likes to scrutinise the bill and I don't think this has ever happened to us.

No, 'gentlewoman' refers to the female of the species, so it doesn't mean the same as 'gentleman'. Even in Shakespeare.

It's ok to get this wrong, though, meow. I mean, I don't have a clue about MRA 101, it's ok not to get everything.

Meow, FWIW, I think "woman" isn't a generally offensive term. Maybe language has evolved since the time of the tsarinas.

Pleased people are shocked, thats got to be a good thing,

Just to depress you further it was in a 'young trendy' chain restaurant in the heart of Leicester square, so not a dingy local where the staff are set in their ways...

Although, I have paid before and it doesn't always happen so it isn't universal.

But then alex has a point about etymology, in that a woman is a man with a womb, which is harking back to the old idea that women are somehow not-quite-men.