Just feeling really angry at all the murder, assault, rape of females that goes on

[BornStroppy]

I told my husband how horrible it is being part of a gender that is constantly attacked, murdered, etc. He had never thought about it. He doesn´t need to. So we have Tia Sharp, the lady who disappeard in London, an old lady in Scotland murdered by son´s friend, another one murdered in a taxi in Birmingham - this is just over two weeks.

I have one son, pregnant again and just hope its another boy to be honest.

Why is it OK? Apart from raising gentlemen, what the hell can we do? As a gender, we give birth, nurture, raise, care for them, and as a gender we are the ones who suffer at their hands.

its so depressing.

I don't know any men who are violent. When my DSs are in groups they are not remotely dangerous. Undoubtedly, there are terrible people in the world but we don't need to let them colour everything for us

Me neither. Putting LRD's stats into perspective, ther are roughly 30 million males in the UK, and if there are 880,000 episodes of attack per annum that's about 3% of all males attacked PA.

I'd bet most of us can easily work out pretty much where, who, and when most of that happens - so avoiding certain places/people at certain times probably is the best solution.

But not everyone has that solution - I do feel very sorry for the boys on the big city estates, as the gangs define certain streets as "theirs" so just walking from home to the cinema can be a "crossing enemy territory" issue. I think making just the main streets in an area safe would do more to help reduce overall violence than anything else.

To get back to OP and Tia Sharp, the case that got her starting the thread, the grandmother has now been arrested for murder. We automatically assume that it would be the man- rather a dangerous assumption. We will have to wait to find out what actually happened.

young boys are just as unsafe in their own homes as young girls, they report even less so current stats are meaningless

its just an unpleasant world we live in

Tia Sharpes grandmother may have been involved but its rare, most perpetrators of violence are male

To get back to OP and Tia Sharp, the case that got her starting the thread, the grandmother has now been arrested for murder. We automatically assume that it would be the man- rather a dangerous assumption.

Statistically its usually the Step-partner who does it and the woman colludes.

But female on female DV is possibly increasing (a police friend told me that, but I've no hard evidence) but is still hardly ever reported .

sexual violence and domestice violence are 'other'. they are a different type of violence, hugely underreported by both sexes due to shame and fear.

IME Men are much less likely to report violent crime and if there was a sexual element to that crime, well, none of the male victims I've known have reported It.

When I tried to report my partner for DV, I was laughed at in the Police station.

whatme - sorry, I think I get the gist of what you said about wiki but it 'bodies' a typo for something? If it's for figures or similar, no, my point was, I didn't have any idea where the stats were from because you get that 'citation needed' thing, which could mean anything from 'I made it up' to 'this is absolutely correct and well-known, but I didn't find a source'.

I'm sorry, I'm still not following the stats, just because I can't do numbers. The only one I can evalute is pornmonkey's which he or she clearly has just made up, since no-one mentioned anything like it on the thread before.

But I agree, there is clearly so much violence going on, that is the problem. Maybe we should take the same attittude as with rape: focus on the rapists, not people who have been raped?

meow - 'i'm sorry but the way women chose men encourages male violence.' Absolute rubbish. That is a disgusting thing to say. You are blaming women, and claiming it's something we do as a species makes it no less of a lie.

Do you know how many women (and men) can't cope with seeing violence? Trust me, it's actually quite a few. Men who've seen their mothers beaten up as boys, and women who've been subject to DV, and children of both genders who've been abused - lots of these people react strongly and physically to seeing violence. Our 'species' seems to cause that, too - that revulsion to violence, doesn't it?

Btw, sexual violence and domestic violence are not 'other'. I said upthread that the myths surrounding them are an attempt at 'othering' these types of violence, by implying the men (and occasionally women) who carry them out are other from the community. They are not.

not blaming women , i thought i made that clear.
'other' doesnt mean less inportant, it's just another type of violence, and different crimes need to be policed differently.

No, you didn't make it clear.

No matter how you dress it up, you said 'i'm sorry but the way women chose men encourages male violence.'

That is inexcusable.

It is also absolute horseshit.

MN runs an 'I Believe You' campaign - how do you think people like you going around and saying you think 'the way women choose men encourages male violence' fits in with that? You are saying that this is something to do with us as a 'species'. Suggesting it's innate or socialized to all of us does not make your victim-blaming better, it makes it worse.

I have already explained you have misunderstood my use of other, above.

You did blame women.

"i'm sorry but the way women chose men encourages male violence."

Men can take ownership of their own violence.

I've met quite a few violent people.

They're not going to change, they like violence.
It's a way of life to them.

That's true. I think it becomes a pattern.

Yeah, I've met quite a few violent people too, worked in a prison many years ago. Some changed, some didn't. What a surprise. But I still do not know any man in my family life, social life or working life who is violent, sorry if that annoys some.

No matter how you dress it up, you said 'i'm sorry but the way women chose men encourages male violence

I'm not sure the females got a lot of a "selecting" option in that game.

I'd express it more that alpha males get to select more/better females, so that means the males will fight to determine dominance over other males. All species do it, not just humans.

And if the animal kingdom is anything to go by, the females being fought over quite often sneak into the bushes for a quickie with yet another sneaky male :)

Of course humans have developed more than animals so young men also use wit, art, music, wealth, brains, personality etc to compete, but violence is still an often used option - especially among young men who have no other skills.

What it does mean is that young males trying to establish their status are fairly dangerous to other (mainly young) males. This is also the dynamic that makes places with large numbers of unemployed young men so volatile (best predictior of revolt = % of young unemployed males.)

yes i this the 'i belive you' campaign is brilliant.
males competing or females doesnt make men violent towards women but towards other men.
thats why i describe it as 'other', maybe you read that in a way it wasnt intended, sorry if it offended you. you dont have to convince me that DV is an enormous problem BTW and i am by no means blaming victims.

in allmost every species where males compete for females there is violence between the males as they compete, thats just nature, not saying it's right .

this=think

I've met quite a few violent people

I'd bet there is an 80/20 going on, ie 80% of the violence is caused by a small minority (20%) of repeat offenders.

My police friend told also me that a small number of people in any town commit most of the crimes and most of the violence, the police know who most of them are, but its very hard to lock people up in the UK and keep them there for minor offences.

Of course you offended me - you offended me because what you said is offensive.

In our society, it is ridiculous to pretend men 'compete' for women through violence. This hasn't been the case, except in artificial and tenuous forms, for at least two thousand years.

You might as well suggest that because all animals walk on four legs, men who crawl are immensely attractive to us because after all, male animals on four legs are well sexy to other female animals.

well, of course, i diddnt say they ONLY compete through violence.

anyway, diddnt mean to offend you, i'm sorry.

I do not see how you could make that statement and not see it was offensive.

I read what you said, and it is rubbish to say men compete for women through violence. That view is offensive to both men and women, and only someone with a serious problem could imagine it's true.

If I, or most women, see two men having a fight outside a pub, I am scared. And I want to keep away. I do not think 'phwoar, my species-determined similarities to a roe deer make me find this powerfully sexy'.

Yes, I'm sure at times there are women who end up in relationships with violent men. To suggest those women are 'naturally' attracted to violent men, or that these men become violent as a 'natural' means of attracting a woman, is disgusting.

Women who end up with violent men need help. The children of violent men need help so they don't grow up into violent people.

It is not excusable or 'natural' at all.

I read what you said, and it is rubbish to say men compete for women through violence. That view is offensive to both men and women, and only someone with a serious problem could imagine it's true.

human being are a species where the males compete for the females , thats a fact.

no i dont think women are excited by two men having a bar brawl either.

your making a link between violent men, attractiveness and DV......i'm not.

Women who end up with violent men need help. The children of violent men need help so they don't grow up into violent people.
well of course, i wonder who your argueing with, because on most of your points it sure as heel isnt me!

I do not see how you could make that statement and not see it was offensive

It doesn't make it wrong though.

I read what you said, and it is rubbish to say men compete for women through violence. That view is offensive to both men and women, and only someone with a serious problem could imagine it's true

Actually LRD, anyone with a smidgin of scientific knowledge by and large will agree with it.

I do note that Evolutionary theory still offends more people than any other science, even after 200 odd years of being accepted :)

meow, that is not a fact. Evidence for it? I think you're talking rubbish.

whatme I think it is both wrong and offensive.

Evolutionary theory is fine - some of it. What is not fine is evolutionary psychology, which is not generally accepted, and certainly hasn't been for 200 years. I do not believe anyone with a scientific knowledge would agree that men compete for women through violence.

meow, If you have evidence, provide it. If you don't, admit you are lying in a way that is offensive to women, and shut up.

who did you say was being offensive?