Am I imagining a 'trend' of excusing misogymy with a lay diagnosis of ASD?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

It seems to be occuring a lot. Women excusing the behaviour of their H's by announcing they must/probably have aspergers or 'traits'.

It is insulting to people with ASD, insulting to women and probably insulting to the men in question.

I think some men ( and please take on board the use of the word some) will use it as a get out of jail card. And some women will let them.

That's not to oveqrlook the issues that people on the spectrum have- but it does no one any favours if a lay diagnosis is used to explain away bad behaviour. And women have always found ways to explain away men's bad behaviour. You see it every day one here -"he's tired/stressed at work/I should have..." Add "he's not being a dick,he's got Asperger traits" to the mix and men have got it made!

No, the woman isn't responsible for HIS behaviour, but she IS responsible for hers. Sometimes I think MN has a "leave the bastard" mentality. The man behaves badly (and we are not talking about abusive behaviour), and the women are falling all over each other to tell the woman he might have AS and to leave him as there is nothing she can do. Regardless of whether or not this man may have it (and god knows how these people know just by her perception of his behaviour - they are not doctors), regardless of whether or not her version is actually accurate or coloured by her frustration, regardless of whether or not they have any type of communication in their relationship.

So many of these things would be solved by better communication between the man and woman. Many of them if you post "perhaps you need to sit down with hiim and discuss it," you get roasted with replies about what's the point, he's a dick. Well, okay, if you say so. Or perhaps he simply has no clue she is feeling this way or WHY she is feeling this way. Just because he hasn't read her mind, doesn't mean he's got Aspergers. It actually just means he's not a mind reader.

Because in a normal relationship where there are sometimes arguments and misunderstandings (note - not abusive), the woman IS responsible for communicating clearly, just as the man is. Which means they have to communicate better.

I've been in an abusive relationship, so I'm not saying this from a vacuum. It's not the same situation.

Totally agree with you Triggles. Communication, in any relationship, is key.

but as this thread is specifically about AS and being a feminist, I am arguing that if you want to support women, whether they are in an abusive relationship or in an AS/NT relationship or just in an NT/NT relationship with poor communication, then the way to do it is to empower them. not putting them down/bashing because they have dare mentioning AS.
When someone is an abusive relationship, you know the only thing you can do is to point out the abuse. The rest, the realization it is not acceptable, the strength to get up and leave is up to the woman. It is usually happening either because they suddenly find some inner strength they didn't know they had or because they have reach the bottom of what they can accept and the only way is up.
Empowering people, education is one of the best way to give women this strength (and knowledge that they don't have to put up with it).

When in the first 5 posts, the woman is getting a bashing because she is mentioning AS, what has happened is that she has been put down AGAIN.
So instead of supporting each other we have supported the man who is abusing her (if this is the case), we send her back to being a victim AGAIN (whereas her posting is probably one of the first thing that she has done to empower herself and do something for herself).

I really think that most answers on here on the subject of AS and difficult relationship are done by people who trying to protect themselves/some close ones. They are attacking the OP 'How dare you say ...' in a self defence mechanism but are not supporting the OP in seeing the truth in her relationship.

One can argue that there are some very good reason for that (I can see them) but that has nothing to do with being a feminist and 'not accepting crap from men'.