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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I feel uneasy about this...

75 replies

BertieBotts · 13/02/2012 21:18

I was reading an article about "modern relationships" on the Independent, and one of the people mentioned was this man: www.mikelousada.com/5/Session-Types.html

As you can see as part of his therapy he offers "intimate massage" which includes, well, intimate massage. Obviously it's spelled out on his page and he states that he would not do it without full consent, but it still seems a little... odd to me. I can't quite put my finger on why, but it seems distasteful.

What do others think? Acceptable, or really not?

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 13/02/2012 22:10

I suspect (for no reason whatsoever) that his practice is frequented by wealthy women who know exactly what they are getting.

Mumcentreplus · 13/02/2012 22:14

wonders if pelvic congestion is equivalent to blue balls? Hmm Grin

AKissIsNotAContract · 13/02/2012 22:20

www.mikelousada.com/7/Testimonials-&-Clients'-Stories.html

The testimonials are quite sad. Alice, 50 has her first ever orgasm. I think exploring her own body would have been more use to her.

campariandlemonade · 13/02/2012 22:24

Naomi Wolf's article on his website is worth reading I think...can I ask has anyone else read it and what did they think about what she said?

TBE · 13/02/2012 22:49

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BertieBotts · 13/02/2012 23:41

I don't think there have been any Times articles linked, TBE?

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BasilRathbone · 13/02/2012 23:59

Oh FFS

Yoni massage forsooth.

He is Creepy McCreep of Creepsville and he is bringing off women credulous enough not to know that you can get what he offers for free without the spiritual woo bullshit.

What a chancer.

BertieBotts · 14/02/2012 00:13

Oh dear, I'm just reading the testimonials... "I think I spent quite a lot of time yelling 'Fuck Off' right into Mike's face. It was liberating."

Grin Sounds very liberating!

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TBE · 14/02/2012 00:15

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BasilRathbone · 14/02/2012 00:16

ROFL

Was that before or after the yoni twiddling?

campariandlemonade · 14/02/2012 09:12

TBE if you click on the sunday times logo above the Naomi WOlf link it comes up-I got the WIki page first too

campariandlemonade · 14/02/2012 09:15

sorry don't know how to copy and paste

TBE · 14/02/2012 10:33

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KRITIQ · 14/02/2012 10:48

Just had a peek at his site. One one hand, it comes across like lots of different new-agey type multi-modal therapist folks, but with, well, services that wouldn't normally be on such a menu. It seems to occupy the "grey" area between therapy and selling sexual services.

I was just trying to work out in my head whether if Mike were Michaela, what the site would look like and how it would be described, and would it be different if Michaela provided services to male clients or female clients.

Many years ago, I did see one of those late night documentaries (probably when Channel 5 started out,) which featured a female therapist to provided what seemed to be the same sorts of services to women and her clients were straight, lesbian and bisexual. I can't remember her name or where she practiced, other than it was somewhere in the UK. That probably would have been before things were advertised on the internet so much, so I'm not sure how she or other practitioners would have promoted their services.

Just sort of curious, but is the concern some are expressing related specifically to the practitioner being male with female clients, or is it that any therapy that involves sexual touching of any kind should be out of bounds, off limits, regardless of the sex of therapist and client?

WidowWadman · 14/02/2012 13:42

Here's a link to the Naomi Wolf article mirrored elsewhere so no fee:

www.heartdaka.com/?page_id=502

SardineQueen · 14/02/2012 14:32

Kritiq I guess for me there is a difference between talking to a sex therapist and having sex with a sex therapist. At that point it becomes something different.

Nyac · 14/02/2012 14:40

Predator, trying to invade Naomi Wolf's boundaries:

"Okay: I was sold, at least on Michael?s sincerity. On to the massage ? or the amount of it I would be comfortable with. He led me upstairs, into a seductive little bedroom lit with candles and fragrant with more incense.

There, once again, we got into a negotiation: he was intent on a yoni massage, and I ? reader, it was such a potentially sexual situation, with no lotuses, no vague deniability ? I couldn?t go there. I was in bed with an attractive strange man and there was no way to pretend that what he was proposing would not be sex. The nice Jewish girl in me once again drew a line."

Nyac · 14/02/2012 14:44

His blog. He addresses women as ladies.

Nyac · 14/02/2012 14:53

Grooming:

"?You have a masculine-oriented life,? he says. ?You work hard and earn money. You need to rediscover your feminine side. I think it?s important to reawaken your senses.?

In order to do this, he suggests we go upstairs. He gives me a sarong to wear (he is also wearing one) and says he is going to take me through a sensual ritual followed by massage ? and that we can be fully clothed or naked.

I blanch and tell him I?m fine with the sarongs. When I get to the top of the stairs, he blindfolds me ? after asking my permission ? and then leads me in to room and positions me sitting up on bed. I have no idea where I am. At first, I feel vulnerable. But then I realise something strange has happened: I have started to trust Mike.

This is his job, I reason to myself. He trying to help me, not to take advantage of me.

The first thing he does is wave scents under my nose. They are sweet and pleasant.

Then he gets some fruit ? grapes, I think ? and rubs them across my lips and gently starts putting them in my mouth. I don?t like this. It all feels a bit too intimate and I don?t like the thought of being fed something I can?t see. But I don?t know how to tell Mike I don?t like it.

To avoid showing my discomfort, I start chatting, saying ?Ooh, that?s a lemon!? and ?Another strawberry? Are they English? They are so delicious!?

The food stops finally ? thank God ? and Mike moves on to touch. He strokes my arms with what feels like feathers and then something more scratchy ? a fir cone ? which is lovely.

But then he does something so hilarious I can barely keep myself from collapsing with laughter. He puts a child?s soft toy in my hands and then scampers it playfully up and down my arms and shoulders.

It reminds me of something my children would do and ? bam! ? I?m out of my state of vague sensuality. I am right back to being a mother. That?s it, I think, I?m lost. I can?t get in touch with my inner goddess.

Here is this poor man feeding me strawberries and chocolate and then ringing bells in my ears, but all I can think of are my children playing with their cuddly toys.

?Usually I?d find this level of intimacy from a stranger petrifying. But it just feels tremendous?

I am about to tell Mike I?m sorry, genuinely sorry, but this really isn?t for me ? that, in fact, I feel like a fool and a fraud ? when he suggests he gives me a sensual massage.

I am suddenly beset by the absurdity of it all: what am I doing here in this small bedroom with a man I have never met before clad in nothing but a sarong and having a toy monkey scampered over me while I am wearing a blindfold?"

RealitySickOfSick · 14/02/2012 14:54

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WidowWadman · 14/02/2012 14:55

Another article: sorry, Daily Mail

I can't help but finding both what Wolf and Cavendish describe quite dodgy and threatening, so I'm really confused that both end in a pretty much glowing review. He's continuously trying to push boundaries, that's the opposite of respect.

Heyyyho · 14/02/2012 15:16

What a character indeed!

sonicrainboom · 14/02/2012 15:22

Oh god the toy monkey part! He sure knows how to get women in touch with their "feminine self"!

Sexual trauma healing?? No no mister skeevy, you just want to fondle yonis. And get paid for it.

BasilRathbone · 14/02/2012 15:34

PMSL at this chancer.

He is straight out of a 70's Carry On movie.

Honestly he's hilarious.

If it hadn't been so highly documented, I would think it was a spoof - a mate of Chris Morris or Steve Coogan or someone, taking the piss.

In fact, I'm still not entirely sure he isn't.

Grin
SinicalSanta · 14/02/2012 15:40

lol - I'm reminded of Marian Keyes feathery strokers.
Specially when he starts stroking with the feathers.

Imagine him clumping home after a long day, in a bit of a mood.
'Hard day at work, dear?'