Grooming:
"?You have a masculine-oriented life,? he says. ?You work hard and earn money. You need to rediscover your feminine side. I think it?s important to reawaken your senses.?
In order to do this, he suggests we go upstairs. He gives me a sarong to wear (he is also wearing one) and says he is going to take me through a sensual ritual followed by massage ? and that we can be fully clothed or naked.
I blanch and tell him I?m fine with the sarongs. When I get to the top of the stairs, he blindfolds me ? after asking my permission ? and then leads me in to room and positions me sitting up on bed. I have no idea where I am. At first, I feel vulnerable. But then I realise something strange has happened: I have started to trust Mike.
This is his job, I reason to myself. He trying to help me, not to take advantage of me.
The first thing he does is wave scents under my nose. They are sweet and pleasant.
Then he gets some fruit ? grapes, I think ? and rubs them across my lips and gently starts putting them in my mouth. I don?t like this. It all feels a bit too intimate and I don?t like the thought of being fed something I can?t see. But I don?t know how to tell Mike I don?t like it.
To avoid showing my discomfort, I start chatting, saying ?Ooh, that?s a lemon!? and ?Another strawberry? Are they English? They are so delicious!?
The food stops finally ? thank God ? and Mike moves on to touch. He strokes my arms with what feels like feathers and then something more scratchy ? a fir cone ? which is lovely.
But then he does something so hilarious I can barely keep myself from collapsing with laughter. He puts a child?s soft toy in my hands and then scampers it playfully up and down my arms and shoulders.
It reminds me of something my children would do and ? bam! ? I?m out of my state of vague sensuality. I am right back to being a mother. That?s it, I think, I?m lost. I can?t get in touch with my inner goddess.
Here is this poor man feeding me strawberries and chocolate and then ringing bells in my ears, but all I can think of are my children playing with their cuddly toys.
?Usually I?d find this level of intimacy from a stranger petrifying. But it just feels tremendous?
I am about to tell Mike I?m sorry, genuinely sorry, but this really isn?t for me ? that, in fact, I feel like a fool and a fraud ? when he suggests he gives me a sensual massage.
I am suddenly beset by the absurdity of it all: what am I doing here in this small bedroom with a man I have never met before clad in nothing but a sarong and having a toy monkey scampered over me while I am wearing a blindfold?"