Can you be a feminist housewife?

[wigglybeezer]

Can you be a feminist if you don't have a career but your DH does, especially if this situation has been going on for a long time (13 years in my case)?

I don't feel downtrodden by the way, merely a bit bored and lacking in choice ATM. I earn a small amount of money, so don't have to ask DH for everything but I'm wondering if my Granny (who was a hospital consultant) was a better feminist than me. I just found a photo of her and her pals at medical school where she has noted on the back that there were 18 female medical students out of 180!

Freelance writing is unregulated and not inspected either.

because if you chose to give uo earning youre dependent upon someone else goodwill or hope they pay a pension or retirement plan for both of you. thats what is so precarious.the no safety net and financial social dependence upon someone else

May I ask how you work it Lenin? Please don't answer if it is too personal.

freelance writing has copy standards - not paid if commissioning ed desnt like it
you have to do it a set time frame
usually to someone else house style and a content they want to print
so there are parameters within being freelance

TheReal that was me. I believe I am responsible for my own financial security.

I am not married, no intention of being, but I live in a family unit (when the boy is born). In the UK I have very little legal protection of my financial call on my OH and I don't believe I should marry for legal reasons.

Financial independence may not be your answer but it suits me fine. We share house costs and for the duration of my time off work he will pay my share without me losing equity in the house - so in effect I am paid. But I still have my independence as I have saved for it.

It maybe my over developed sense of independence that drives my kind of feminism though i am generally gender neutral in all my dealings. If OH was taking a year off I'd pay his house costs. We see the absence of nursery fees as a saving so the time spent raising our own child is a job as the financial benefit is real - even if it is cost avoidance.

Lenin I don't think I am crazy for saving to maintain my standard of living during mat leave? Why would you think that?

House costs will be made good by OH but I don't want any extra from him. If I want to spend money on myself I should earn it - I've lived by that all my life. No credit, no debt, just work hard.

I'm not having The Boy for my OH we are having a child together so that is equal responsibility. Equal to me includes financial. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a bit crappy to my OH as I don't let him treat me that often everything is 50:50. If my income in the long run was compromised (we currently earn the same, well i'm a bit higher) then we would discuss what that meant in financial terms.

i think your approach is v sensible pam.i saved when ttc and when pg to have my own money on mat leave and spend as i wished.also had mat pay.but would never consider approach dp for money.we maintain seperate personal accounts,and joint for mortgage,utilities,nursery and house stuff

Saving for mat leave is a good idea - but saving to pay 'your half of the bills' or for your own personal spending money when you are having a baby 'for both of you' is a load of bollox. How is your husband going to contribute to 'his half of the pregnancy' and bringing in a cup of tea won't cut it.
The savings should be as a couple. Why should one half of a parenting couple be penalised?

we split on all our baby costs. i had a spreadsheet.all equitable.yes baby is a joint undertaking both pay all costs

but, i am not going to partner for an allowance or money to spend on mat leave. never reliant upon him before so not going to stat needing allowance when pg

and i went back after 6mth when the mat pay ended.had it all planned out ttc

I want to preserve my independence - don't think I like that being classed as bollox. OH will contribute by doing his half of parenting as he does his half of house work now.

I don't feel penalised by using my savings on me - I don't even understand why anyone would?

It feels counter to feminist feelings to victimise yourself as an injured party because you are having and raising a child. The word penalised makes it sound like a punishment.

Not trying to flame I just don't get the point?

I do see how that set up gives you independence Pam and I'm not knocking that. I just don't think it is right. You staying home (even just temporarily on ML) is of benefit to the whole family, regardless of marital status, and therefore the financial burden of the loss of income should be borne equally between you.

i saved and had adequate mat pay.i wouldnt want a shared pool of money.i have never been dependent upon dp and certainly wouldn't want to be.the point of savings is a buffer when you need them- and spend your savings as you wish

pam plan sounds v sensible to me

I take the the opposite tack SM, he's relying on me to have the baby if I want money to fritter down the pub, no not allowed shops then I'll take half of what's left at the end of the month. No way would I deprive myself, while undertaking a significant 'hit' for the team. It works both ways. We can either afford the basics+ treats (including free time) or we can't, regardless of which account the money first bounced into.

We'll have to agree to disagree then. I don't feel a financial loss as I have saved to cover the period for my personal spending. I know this is very different to SAHM as it is for a defined period of time - if all goes well.

This thread was about can you be at home supported and still be a feminist. I think you can but for me to feel like me and be happy with my choice then I need to preserve independence.

Just to be clear - my savings only cover what I want to spend - not what I have to spend. For example maternity pads = joint account, large apple turnover = my account. :)

i dont want an our money.its an anathema to me to be dependent like that.taking wee wifey pin money.no thanks

i understand and share your ethos pam

I don't see it like that at all SM and actually find your characterisation if joint financial responsibility very insulting.

Sorry for calling it bollox Pam, if it works for you then great.
My point is that if you as a couple are having a baby, then you as a couple should should bear the financial hit, not you as an individual. Saving for a period of reduced income is a good idea, but both of you should do it.

And I disagree about the 'penalised' point - if you are soon not earning because you are having a baby - and you are the one sacrificing your weekly magazine, say, so you can have it when you are off work, and your husband isn't, how is that not a penalty? (Albeit a trivial one compared to no pension, but yswim)

I want a large apple turnover now

Seriously it's no point arguing the toss over one way of financial mgt and another - it's what feels right for you and your family that counts.

Not just personally but to all women who do not work in paid employment. As Lenin sId above, there aren't enough jobs for all the adults in this contry, no matter how you look at it. So it is to societies benefit that some are out of the job Market, whether that be willingly nor unwillingly.

By dismissing women being supported financially by their partners or society you are further devaluing their input into the family AND society.

if you want to take offence,go ahead.i have no intention of raiding my dp account because im up the duff. and no i dont feel need to receive money from him.i like to maintain independence. to me it would be pin money. i would feel beholden and dont want that