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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

I know this has been done to death - BUT!

169 replies

BibiBlocksberg · 13/08/2011 21:15

If I read one more thread on housework division where some of the posters smugly explain that they have a list from which their darling DH, DP, DF whatever (usually male) has the wonderful grace to pick the jobs HE is good at and enjoys I'm going to scream very loudly and scare both of my cats to death.

FGS - why on earth should any adult get to 'cherry-pick' the jobs least bothersome to them and leave all the rest to the other adult in the house??

Wish that in my days of running around after some of the various males I lived with someone had given me a list to pick and choose from and then pinned a medal to my chest when I deigned it suitable to actually do one of them.

Actually, no, strike that, if I ever got to a stage where I was so bone idle and entitled I would actually find picking from a list acceptable - shoot me!

Can't say this in the 'mainstream' of MN as I'm too chicken

BTW this is coming from a recent convert to feminism - MN taught me all I know! :)

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 16/08/2011 20:57

i must get up to speed with passive aggressive wee humphy faces

Portofino · 16/08/2011 20:59

But SM, I am 43 and thought I was doing fine. I thought I was equal to anyone. I still am.

But MN showed me that many, many women don't feel that way. And even me, feeling that I was equal, had no bloody clue of the reality. It is ONLY because I saw discussion on these topics that I even realised there was a problem.

Portofino · 16/08/2011 21:00

I could have blithely carried on the rest of my life without changing a thing.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 21:03

As I may have mentioned, I have a teenage son.
He does his share of the housework; washing up, scrubbing and hoovering, shopping, cooking up to a point, can load and unload a washing machine.
If he ever gets round to having a relationship, I hope his partner won't go around undoing all my good work.
If DD ever lives with partner, she will certainly not tolerate the inertia of someone else's son sitting on his arse whilst she works and manages the home. So she may have to tell him that as her partner, his contributions are expected.

'It's down to me to nag dh til he complies ( or divorces me) to turn off fecking Top Gear and eat his dinner at the table. And to be a bit grateful that he doesn't beat me up.'

If she was ever so stupid as to end up with such a waste of space, I'd have to rescue her and send her to rehab. Whilst I looked for what was left of her brain.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2011 21:06

discussion is great.not disputing that,so not sure what you mean
i am sus of any book espoused as a self help set yourself free with this. a bit rise up and do as i say.

we can all think of books and particular literature thats had the wow now i get it effect upon us... mary wollstencraft was a goodie for me

its a truism some books will empower some people
there is no definitive book that has hit the mark for everyone
thats not hostility to books is acknowledgement some books catch a mood,an unmet need for some people. not all people read or experience books same way

if some women do enact,and habituate stereotypical roles,they need to have some self responsibility for resultant stereotypical roles.roles they enact out to their children,and other adults

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 21:08

At work I hear
'Oh, they just don't do it to our standards girls, do they'
'Oh. bless, I'm going away for a week but I've made all his meals and put them in the freezer'
' I don't think he even knows where the iron is'

if they accept this from their partners, they are also teaching their sons that this is women's work. They often use the same sort of language talking about men and babies and children, excluding them from the 'womanly arts' of raising and nurturing. Women are doing this to themselves, and are uncomfortable when they meet others who do things differently.

Truckrelented · 16/08/2011 21:09

Why does he have to turn off Topgear and eat his dinner at the table though?
I ate my dinner lying on my bed watching the cricket with my son. Very comfortable.

I don't get housework, after being married and it being a major part of my life, I've now lived on my own (with the children for varying lengths of time) and I rarely spend any time doing any now.

I've not ironed in 5 years, that's a good start.

I think housework (or too much of it) is a way of repressing the masses. And I think women judge each other or are worried about being judged on it.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 21:11

I've not ironed in 28 years

scottishmummy · 16/08/2011 21:17

infantalising men and ascribing tasks as womens work is toxic. like women who buy their husband pants.because he "doesnt like shopping or is rubbish at shopping" (apparently). so said man can earn wage,drive car,but cant buy pants.no siree his missus has to. fuck sake.you knwo what that's the female meeting some weirdy need and infantalising and the man acquiescing.because he can because some women facilitate it
pandering to belief women better than men at domestic tasks.usually accompanied by eye rollling and tsk you know what men are like...err no. I get what youre partner is like,dont lump mine in there

see it on mn...all the well when he has a womb, and gives birth then he can tell me about chidren.the ta-da trump card.

Portofino · 16/08/2011 21:19

I was being ironic (a bit). My dh is far from being a waste of space.

He does housework, he does hands on childcare with dd, and always has done. But he likes to have his dinner on a tray. And watch Top Gear, or whatever else is on. He is currently laying on the sofa watching DIY SOS.

This is ONLY an issue, because I have tried to adopt the pretention of us eating at the table. And that the TV is always fecking on, and I don't like it.

Truckrelented · 16/08/2011 21:20

28 years I'm impressed.

I can't see me ironing ever again, some of the mums I know seem quite horrified that I don't iron, but I'm trying to convert them.

Portofino · 16/08/2011 21:21

And I don't buy his pants, nor iron his clothes, nor make his sandwiches.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 21:22

Ironing was one of those jobs that I hated and he liked.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2011 21:23

of course i dont buy partner pants or clothes.he is adult

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 21:27

It's just that I don't see how women who have a job, go on holidays, watch the tv, talk to other humans, have had 11+ years of education can still be ignorant of the fact that The Stepford Wives was a film from 1975 and not an ambition to be achieved.
Even way back then, when I was a teenager, it was seen as a male fantasy that should be fought.

Truckrelented · 16/08/2011 21:28

I must admit my ex wanted us to eat dinner at the table and have the tv off and I did give in. But once she moved out, dinner on a tray in front of the television became the norm.

I suppose it's about compromise.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 21:33

We have a rule that people have to wear a certain amount of clothing, and that pets stay on the floor. People are allowed to read whilst they eat, unless we have visitors or it is a Formal Occasion.
Compromise indeed.

Portofino · 16/08/2011 21:35

I only insist on Sundays. No tv - everyone sits at the table. The thing is, like dh, I grew up in a working class household where "tea" was in front of the tv. We used to be given Pot Noodles ffs.

I haved tried to do something different. It didn't work. I feel very sad about it.

LeninGrad · 16/08/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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