Heteromonogamy is really just another way to waste women's time, isn't it?

[solidgoldbrass]

All those books, articles, courses on how to Find The One, Make Him Commit, Keep It Exciting - keeping women occupied with the Perfect Relationship means they don't have time to do anything interesting with their lives.

[TheFrozenMBJ]

Yes, yes sAf but being a woman in this society makes it damn likely that you will wear make-up. It does not follow that in order to be a women one must wear make-up.

(although I will concede that there is a sector of society that does see it like that )

[TrillianAstra]

Is it all monogamy that you want to discourage, or just heterosexual monogamy?

I would offer that your sexuality is not a social concept or phenomenon.

[TheFrozenMBJ]

Sexuality is a real thing, though I will agree that monogamy is a social concept.

[TheFrozenMBJ]

The thing for me is though, that Iquite like my heteromonogamous life and you quite like your's being not so, sAf, so it is very difficult for me to argue entirely unemotionally about it. No?

[TrillianAstra]

If people could choose to be monogamous or not without all that shit it would be great.

I don't like the idea of attacking monogamy as if being in a relationship with/living with/raising children with one person is in itself a bad thing.

[TrillianAstra]

It seems as if we are mostly agreeing so I'm not sure how we are managing to argue.

People should be free to choose to be homosexual or hetersexual or bisexual, to be monogamous (with or without cohabiting) or whatever the word is for the opposite of monogamous. As long as all involved parties are aware of the setup and willing participants.

Do we all agree on that?

Finding "the perfect relationship" is not a very good hobby, and magazines promoting it as an important way to spend your time is a bit shit.

Do we agree on that one?

One person within a relationship being responsible for all of the emotional responsibility, the responsibilities for children, career changing, domestic labour, social arrangements, thinking of birthdays and presents etc, buying clothes and on and on and on. (to quote SAF) is also shit.

Do we agree on that one?

So, er, where exactly is the problem?

[DilysPrice]

Polygamy is not unassociated with downsides for women - I suspect that if you look at all polygamous relationships worldwide in most of them the women get the shitty end of the stick but that doesn't mean that either polygamy or monogamy are the problem - it means that women worldwide get a crappy deal.

[TheFrozenMBJ]

@ banning monogopamy. No - it certainly wouldn't happen, it benefits the patriarchy too much.

I do agree that the creation of the 'nuclear family' in particular is very detrimental but although, I agree that monogamy (and I'm separating it from the sexuality just to be clear that it is the constructed arrangement I am talking about) on the whole disadvantages women more than men, not in the least because they tend to be the ones to stick to the rules, I am quite comfortable with my personal situation.

iYCSWIM?

[Himalaya]

Surely magazines publish whatever sells? Their agenda is to sell magazines and advertising.

Plenty of predominantly male pastimes can also be described as timewasting - football, fishing, computer games, getting excited about transport (cars, trains etc...)

The modern condition is trying to find prposeful ways to waste our time given that we don't have to spend 100% of it on survival anymore.

I agree magazines are generally shit though, and I have given up reading them.

[snowmama]

I have no issue with heterosexuality and/ or monogamy, and know several couples who live very happily within these setup.

I do have an issue with combination being held up as the singular ideal to which I must aspire, and the underlying assumption that the set up is automatically of benefit to women.

[TheFrozenMBJ]

Yes, snowmama it's about it being idealised and sold as 'the right way'

Himalaya that argument doesn't really work in that the 'media' claims all sorts of things sell, like the 'Lolita' look or impossibly thin/young looking women or the page 3 girl etc. Saturation by theses images and ideas normalises them and pressurises individuals to conform and strive towards them

[noddyholder]

Agree with poncey it is very easy to just blanket state relationships that are good equal and do not compromise you in any way esp if you have never experienced it.

[BelleDameSansMerci]

Completely irrelevant but I bloody love you lot... Great debate and it's only 10am on a Monday morning.