Is this for real?

[TheRealMBJ]

Fucking Hell

I don't even want to know about that...scary stuff

What's all this obsession with control about anyway?

As far as I'm aware a marriage (or any relationship) shouldn't be about the control of one person by another anyway.

I get the impression this is all about sex. No doubt all about sex for the man.

I hope your court case goes well. I sincerley do

It will love, even if he doesn't show up (highly likely), he was so fucking shocked that I came back with two armed pocliemen that he spoke without thinking and dropped himself right in it for the "red flag" minor charge. So his record will speak volume when he does it again. And he will.

I'm doing this for the for his next victims, so they are believed cos he has a paper shaped ball and chain around his ankle trailing him when faced with future accusations. Which means I'm able to take the personal aspects out of it and focus on that. I'm insulated emotionally cos I'm treating it like a personal crusade against men not having their minor infractions loaded up against them in files to point to escalation or earlier attempts.

And huge hug back love. I know I was lucky. I wish everybody else had the same fortune.

fastweb, I think this is the wrong thread, but I hope everything goes OK

Taken In Hand is basically femsub BDSM for rightwing Christians who don't want to consider themselves into kinky sex. It's not really any worse than the likes of John Gray (Mars&Venus and YOU'RE TALKING OUT OF URANUS!).

It's obviously written by cranks. I wouldn't pay it any attention.

great just what we need advice on how to overlook accept abusive behaviour

its a shame there is not more control on what can be put out there over the internet :( there are too many vulnerable women about with abusive partners reading and using these tactics

Oh Freudianslipper FFS there is shitloads of unpleasant and dangerous stuff on the internet - there are websites telling people not to vaccinate their DC, websites offering a load of 'proof' that some races are inferior to others, and websites telling you that the best way to deal with a headache is to shoot yourself in the foot.

Bbut I agree with Freudian. Wouldn't work in practice, but would be so nice to be able to get rid of anything like this... No need to add the "ffs" for her opinion...

i know there is a lot of crap and dangerous websites, its reading things like this i wish there was more control over the internet, there isn't and there will not be it can't be controlled but at times i wish it could be

Taken In Hand is basically femsub BDSM for rightwing Christians who don't want to consider themselves into kinky sex

I think some of them are, "closet bodice rippers" was my first impression

But some of them are not right wing, not religious and very upfront about the overlap between BDSM and their thing in the sexual sense.

Sort of get the feeling that for them having a compartment like approach where the sex has dominant and submissive features is not enough, they don't want to role play it, they want the dom\sub thing to the their normal life.

Interesting that the BDSM people have written to them several times and taken issue with the lack of safety control in terms of drawing clear lines between reality and fantasy and other features used to keep people safe.

There does seem to be a clear loathing for feminism that I'm guessing isn't a feature of BDSM ?

And that seriously angry man ranting about his ex, her "legal violence" against him and how he always approaches women with the mindset that they will be submissive ..well he is a bit worrying.

I think there is other stuff mixed up in it beyond my original impression that it was repressed fetish seeping out the only way.

SGB, you are right, there is are millions of dangerous loons on the Internet but, I don't agree that this type of stuff is 'just' BDSM for right-wing Christians this is about more than their sex lives. Yes, SubDom sex does play a large part in but it is about over all control and dominance of the woman in all parts of her life. It is about total submission and acceptance of the man as the 'head-of-the-house'

And about then sanctioning if using 'physical discipline' when the woman does not comply.

Oh well, We can't fix it.

People who are into subdom sex sometimes (though not always) go in for what's known as 'lifestyle' or '24/7 where one partner is the slave/property of the other. THough a lot of the people who like this are actually men who want to be a woman's slave.
But anyway, I think there are far bigger and more important threats to women than this one website (which was set up by an author of erotic fiction originally) that's just about a minority fantasy and which most people will look at, roll their eyes and move on from.

Yy. It's still shocking though.

Is the surrendered wife thing, that originally started this discussion on another thread, something else entirely, or a covert form of TiH (or even Christian Domestic Discipline, cos it seems that TiH has a bit of competition) ?

Is it possible that the "belief foundation" of a large proportion of hardline christians with very rigid gender roles, is repressed kink ?

Oh, no fastweb you've given me something else to google .

I was going to ask about the BDSM connection, as it looked a bit like that but without an opt out/ safety word .....is that aspect an accepted corner of BDSM, or would it be considered problematic, in the way abuse in conventional relationships/traditional marriages.

I guess on reflection it is very a 'surrendered wife' concept which is a minority group within traditional marriages.

....sorry meandering post, made my mind up part way through it!

I think that's the problem I have with it snowmama there seems to be no opt out.

SGB is right though, there are bigger fish to fry.

Was going to say what SGB said. It's a page for lifestyle BDSMers with some God bits added in.

Likewise, I agree it's worrying that there is no discussion of consent, boundaries or safe words, which are usually a big part of BDSM relationships.

Also, I wonder if it might be a bit wearing having to 'live' your sexual fantasy 24/7. You know, "Not now! The washing machine needs fixing and I have to phone a plumber".

The other problem is that lifestyle BDSMers know that it's about preferences in their relationship, so would probably dial it down a bit when they had children, these guys think it's a righteous path, so would be modelling some very odd behaviour for their children.

Oh, no fastweb you've given me something else to google

I warn you, there appears to be a lot more of the CDD people than the TiH people. I've decided to leave it before my vanilla head explodes.

But it has set of some wondering. Did anybody else see that Louis Theroux programme on the family in America who picket funerals and come away with the suspicion that anybody that obsessed with sex had something a little unusual sexuality wise bubbling away furiously under a lid of repression ?

I am now looking at the hardcore Christians in a new light and wondering if rather a lot of them are running around the bedroom getting off on the roles they have created entirely for that purpose.

And I am not sure what I make of that to be honest. Mainly I have the feeling that perhaps what is making me uneasy is that the covert nature of the kink (so it can feel "real" cos role play doesn't cut it ?) means the sorts of conversations and boundary settings that the BDSM people talk about could be missing from the dynamic, which raises the concern of how consensual the practise is in reality.

Dunno. I can't get a number on it with such a quick skim and undoubtedly bringing my "vanilla" raised eyebrows to the equation is going to colour my view. Maybe somebody who is more knowledgeable about BDSM in general would be able to form a more accurate picture of what is going on.

so would be modelling some very odd behaviour for their children

Especially when you think about the Pearls and all the other ones who bang on about physical dicipline and spankings for children as being the godly way to raise your offspring.

Yes, coming from an evangelical background, I can see how this will be sold to each other and their children as the 'righteous' path, the way a 'Godly' relationship should be. That women (and mothers) are required to obey men and if not these men are entitled to disciple them, physically or otherwise and not only for erotic pleasure. Which is totally different from BDSM couples who choose to act out their fantasies in the bedroom, away from their children. And from what I understand (am fairly vanilla myself ) have a robust understanding of consent and mutual respect.

Also, had a quick look at the CDD site and it seems slightly 'better', I dunno why, perhaps because they are open about it being about eroticism and sexual fantasy and that they do say that this model can be found in homosexual and female-dom/male-sub relationships. The focus there also seems to be on the woman's choice to be involved whereas the TiH lot seems to be a lot more about male control. They also seem to keep the children out of it.

Fuck. Me.

One of the comments

'I don't usually think in terms of rape imagery, because I believe so strongly in my husband's right to my body. It is not possible for him to rape me because he has automatic consent.'

yes I picked up on that automatic consent thing.

Ummm, heck.

Can you explain what this vanilla head thing is about? I don't know what that means and also why were they picketing funerals?