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Original poster

Mummy does the Cleaning...

121 replies

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 21:53

My first time on Feminism so be gently...

I have a 3 year old DD and when I asked her what does Mummy do?

She replied "Cleaning"

Arhhh, I am degree educated, worked in a recognised profession for several years and am now a SAHM and my DD thinks all I do is clean

I am worried about how she views a womens role to be.

She also thinks women sit next to men drivers, as I sit in the passenger seat when her father drives as he hates my driving.

Also I have a bad habit of when somthing breaks in house or batteries need changing saying that Daddy will fix when he gets home. I know how to do it, I just can't be bothered.

Another one I have just thought of that I do, when ever DD wants to buy somthing I say "ask your Dad". So I guess I am letting her know that men are charge financially.

Anyway any tips on how to make my DD think that women do more than pick up crap after thier family?

OP posts:
dittany · 02/05/2011 21:57

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dittany · 02/05/2011 21:58

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TimeWasting · 02/05/2011 21:59

  1. Stop doing those things. Grin
  2. Get a job/volunteer thingy/basically anything organised that she can see you doing.
  3. I guess talking about women with careers etc.

Fact is, you probably do just do the cleaning right now. I do.
If you don't want to her to just see you cleaning, you need to do something else. Smile

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:00

dittany What am I supposed to do?

I am SAHM I cook and clean and take the kids out. What else should I be doing to be a postive role model?

I go to the gym, I read books, I teach my DD reading and maths (for her age).
How else can I set a good example?

My DH suffers from car sickness and does not like anyone else to drive when he is in the car.

DH also works long hours so is not around to help out in the house when DD is awake.

OP posts:
justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 02/05/2011 22:02

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TimeWasting · 02/05/2011 22:03

Do you drive her when your DH isn't there? Does he not have a day off?

SybilBeddows · 02/05/2011 22:04

roleplay, dolls, discussions.
buy her non-stereotypical toys (tools and guns and stuff)
if her teddy is a boy give him an apron and make HIM clean

and don't cop out and say 'Daddy will do it' - lie and say 'I'll do it later' Wink

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:04

dittany At the moment DH deals with the budget as I previously went over it on a weekly basis Blush

TimeWasting I attend an evening course but she is in bed when I go and when I talk to her about it during the day DD gets upset that I have gone out without her!

OP posts:
justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 02/05/2011 22:04

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TimeWasting · 02/05/2011 22:05

Is she always with you then? Does your DH take her out for a few hours now and then?

AliceWorld · 02/05/2011 22:07

Why don't you fix things, and leave cleaning for your partner to do in lieu of the fixing things he usually does?

KatieMiddleton · 02/05/2011 22:07

How about you stop leaving things for your DH because you can't be bothered. And maybe go back to work at some point? Not necessarily now but in the future.

She's only 3 - there's still plenty of time. Why not point out positive female role models when you see them? Women bus drivers/police officers/doctors etc?

And perhaps get your DH to do a bit of housework??

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:09

TimeWasting I drive when DH is not there, however when DH is at home she expects him to drive and says so if I sit in the drivers seat if DH is around.

justabout I will def change how I talk about finances with her and not just say ask Dad/

SybilBeddows great idea about role play with Daddy teddy doing the washing! We already have bought her mixed gender toys, car garage, bike, mechano type toys. Also good idea about lying ;)

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 02/05/2011 22:10

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bigbadbarry · 02/05/2011 22:10

My DD gets narked when DH drives my car (I have the "family car" so when we go out we take it; we split the driving). Technically it is his (company) car and he drives mine but that is a bit complicated to explain.
Definitely stop witht he ask your dad over money...and perhaps you could let her watch you pop a battery in from time to time? How about if he did a bit of cleaning when he got home?

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:10

Can you not have a conversation with her about mummy's job (you can explain you don;t do it at the moment because you look after her).
I assumed the "ask your dad" thing was a way of delaying the "no" until she has forgotten! In which case tell her if she still wants it she can have it on Saturday/when she's 4 / etc.
When your DH drives, do you map read?

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:14

justaboutWILL I have done lots with my life and will start showing her old photos of me doing things and talking about my old life.

TimeWasting Yes she is with me most of the time. DH & DD do the weekly shop together and spend time together at home.

AliceWorld I shall make an effort to role reversal

KatieMiddleton Pointing out postitve work role models is a great idea

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:16

StatelyPoshBeartrotha I can not read a map in a travelling car as I get car sick however I am an excellant map reader and have great sense of direction.

Yes the ask dad is a way of distracting.

OP posts:
StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:17

yes, DH is the same, so he drives and I map read (and argue with the sat nav :o)
Oh well, just a thought!

ZillahWhoDrankTooMuchGin · 02/05/2011 22:19

All DH can remember when he thinks of his DMum up to him leaving home at 18 is that she cleaned obsessively....to the point that he hates the sound of the dishwasher on when we're in the same room partic if he's ironing at the same time (not delved too deeply with this one - he just said he'd come home and this would be the noise / smell every night when he was young). And also 'everything in it's place' etc. - even when i started seeing him she would know if i'd touched an ornament...

The upside of this is that he'd hate our DSs to grow up feeling the same Grin - which is just as well really all things considered....

TimeWasting · 02/05/2011 22:19

Building in more/varies breaks from her will help too.

Probably do less cleaning too.

I am so cheesed off with SAHMing. It seems an obvious choice, but division of labour doesn't really benefit us as individuals. We become our families servants, whether that's how we or they think of it or not, cut off from the world of work, while they become cut off from basic reality.
I don't have an obvious solution by the way, just planting seeds. Smile

dittany · 02/05/2011 22:36

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StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:37

No she said she gets car sick so can't map read - it's my DH that gets car sick

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:37

well presumably she can map read, just not in a moving car

K999 · 02/05/2011 22:39

Dd1s shelf broke last week. I told her it wasn't called DIY for nothing! I took her to B and Q, bought the shelf and we put it up together! She is now thinking of attempting to build a bedside table!! Mind you, she is not as keen to help me with the washing!!