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Original poster

Mummy does the Cleaning...

121 replies

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 21:53

My first time on Feminism so be gently...

I have a 3 year old DD and when I asked her what does Mummy do?

She replied "Cleaning"

Arhhh, I am degree educated, worked in a recognised profession for several years and am now a SAHM and my DD thinks all I do is clean

I am worried about how she views a womens role to be.

She also thinks women sit next to men drivers, as I sit in the passenger seat when her father drives as he hates my driving.

Also I have a bad habit of when somthing breaks in house or batteries need changing saying that Daddy will fix when he gets home. I know how to do it, I just can't be bothered.

Another one I have just thought of that I do, when ever DD wants to buy somthing I say "ask your Dad". So I guess I am letting her know that men are charge financially.

Anyway any tips on how to make my DD think that women do more than pick up crap after thier family?

OP posts:
dittany · 02/05/2011 22:40

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nailak · 02/05/2011 22:40

i asked my dd3 what she want to do when she rows up and she said dont be silly mummy work is for boys, i will stay home, i then pointed out nana, cousins etc o to work so she decided she will stay home but sometimes o to the park...

she also told me now 4, that i shouldnt et anry when her and dd2 make a mess but i should just be happy and when daddy ets home she and her ds and dd will clean up, daddy will do it all for them

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:40

Timewasting - that is how I feel with Sahm, I feel like the family servant, however Dh also feels like the familys servant with having to pay the bills.

Dh would much rather spend time with kids but Dh worked because he had higher salary and I stayed home because didn't want Dcs in nursery.

I feel blessed to raise my Dcs however I feel very lonely too. Lots of mixed feelings.

I want my dd's raised knowing they can achieve anything in life and that women do more than cook and clean.

I have been given some great ideas on this thread, so thank you all

OP posts:
StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:43

Oh I see, nothing to do with map reading. Well the best sure for car sickness is to drive, and presumably he complains that her driving exacerbates her sickness - not true but understandable when you're feeling grotty. The first thing I do when we arrive at PILs is complain about DH's driving, if he has been driving.

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:44

dittany, I do plenty of driving. Probably 90% of our journies are to places we know. The odd few where we don't, he drives and I map read. I occassionally get sick, but it isn;t exacerbated by reading a map.

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:44

journies? journeys
that looks better

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:46

Dh gets car sick because of my driving, and anyone elses driving which is why he hates it,

Yes your right that's why I get Dh to fix stuff so I don't do everything round the house.

I am bad with budgets, it is realistic for basics but I used to enjoy shopping when I was free and single and now we have a house and kids I find it hard not to buy extras over budget.

We did not intencially divide jobs over sexes it just happened that Dh works long hours so there for I did house and kid jobs. Seemed fair to me

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 02/05/2011 22:47

Do the carsick husbands still drive when you go out and someone needs to be designated driver?

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:49

Yes

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:51

In fact probably slightly more than his fair share now - a year-18 months ago I was always the designated driver as was breastfeeding (still am but much less and to bigger children) so now he does most of the driving when I can have a drink to redress the balance.
Wow that sounds like we go out loads :)

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:51

Yep
Dh doesn't drink but I do :)

OP posts:
colditz · 02/05/2011 22:52

before the carsick husbands get pounced on, can I point out that car sickness is REAL and it is HORRIBLE and you don't get it if you're driving! I don't know why, but you don't.

And also, some people's driving is worse than others for making me sick. My mother's drivig makes me hurl, my sister's driving, in the same car, doesn't.

When i have a car, I will insist on being the one to drive. I'm not being matriarchal, I just don't want to be sick!

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:53

I think you don;t get it when you're driving because you unconsciously adjust for the moves you are about to make. Obviously you can't do tha as a passenger so your stomach just gets hurtled from one side to another!

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 22:54

Also can I get this thread back track of how to raise daughters in a non stero typical way when they have a Sahm?

Instead of how sexist is the dp/Dh for driving

OP posts:
StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 02/05/2011 22:54

Or so my parents told me when I was learning to drive and flinging it round the corners a bit :o

OmicronPersei8 · 02/05/2011 22:56

I've been pondering the division of labour thing recently. DH works long hours, I'm a SAHM (although I do lots of volunteering which DD refers to as my work). We've tried different ways of splitting household tasks, at the moment we've settled on him having a few set week-day tasks (doing the dishwasher, taking out the bin, putting the kids to bed if he gets in on time) and then at the weekend he hoovers and mops, and we split putting washes on/hanging them out/taking them in. He does all his own ironing. He also is supposed to cook once at the weekend - this has been disrupted by family parties etc, but I hope to get back on track next weekend.

I keep the kitchen clean day-to-day, and we've just agreed he will be responsible for our living room - just a quick tidy round in the evenings.

We haven't always had a good split - even before DC, I did almost all the cooking and cleaning while working full-time. Not very well (I can tend towards messiness), but it seemed to fall to me. I realised that if I went back to work full time it could well be me doing it all again.

Seeing my parents retire and dad sit round drinking tea while mum ran round cleaning (they are bit more balanced now) along with lurking here has convinced me that rather than just moaning about it to my friends, or doing as they suggest and stand over DH shouting until he does his share, we had to find a way where he took on some actual responsibility and did his share because it is the fair thing to do, and because he values me as a person in my own right and doesn't see me as some kind of a skivvy.

We used to have a cleaner - this made it harder as he assumed she did all the cleaning whereas I felt ground down by the day-to-day tidying, wiping down etc. Now we don't have one it feels much better, it was a good starting point for figuring out how to make it as equal as possible.

Sorry to ramble on - this has been on my mind a lot lately.

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 22:59

Why is the budget only for basics?

Can't you have money for extras for you as well?

Only being able to buy basics is miserable - everyone needs to splurge occasionally, as long as it's not going to break the bank.

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:00

Omicron this is my dilemma, see I feel guilty asking Dh to do house stuff when he has been at work for 12 hours that day already.

Perhaps the weekend is a good time for Dh to make a family meal or Somthing.
He often cooks cakes and biscuits with dd at weekend. Does that count?

OP posts:
everyspring · 02/05/2011 23:03

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HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:03

But lovmy2babies, you've also been working for 12 hours -at home. Your job is just as hard but far more relentless and with less status, than his. You don't have to feel guilty about expecting him to do his fair share when he gets home.

Do you have the same amount of leisure time as him? That's how you can tell if you are being unfair or not to expect him to do housework.

Original poster
Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:03

Basics budget is what we can afford.
I would love to shop till I drop but can't afford to

OP posts:
everyspring · 02/05/2011 23:04

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HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:04

LOL cross posted great minds everyspring

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:05

So you both get the same amount of extras spending and leisure time then?

That's a basic IMO

Everyspring no, I learnt it from Solidgoldbrass Grin

everyspring · 02/05/2011 23:05

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