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Original poster

Mummy does the Cleaning...

121 replies

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 21:53

My first time on Feminism so be gently...

I have a 3 year old DD and when I asked her what does Mummy do?

She replied "Cleaning"

Arhhh, I am degree educated, worked in a recognised profession for several years and am now a SAHM and my DD thinks all I do is clean

I am worried about how she views a womens role to be.

She also thinks women sit next to men drivers, as I sit in the passenger seat when her father drives as he hates my driving.

Also I have a bad habit of when somthing breaks in house or batteries need changing saying that Daddy will fix when he gets home. I know how to do it, I just can't be bothered.

Another one I have just thought of that I do, when ever DD wants to buy somthing I say "ask your Dad". So I guess I am letting her know that men are charge financially.

Anyway any tips on how to make my DD think that women do more than pick up crap after thier family?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:06

Divisin of hours is interessting, I do more hours.
However I also have more lesiure time as I like to socialise but he doesn't.

OP posts:

everyspring · 02/05/2011 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:08

I spend extra as I have more interests and hobbies than Dh.
Yes Dh budgets and is very good at cutting corners for himself.
I make his packed lunch only because I give him healthy food and he would eiher not eat a lunch or eat crap so I do it for his health

OP posts:

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:09

You have more leisure time and do more work? I don't quite understand the maths there (only got a CSE! )

That doesn't compute - it sounds like you have 28 hours in your day and he has 20. But you both have 24.

What is he doing while you are socialising? Housework?

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:10

Oh than he has more time not working I just spend my free time in a better way than him iyswim?

OP posts:

OmicronPersei8 · 02/05/2011 23:10

I used to think that he worked long hours, I was at home anyway etc so why not do the housework. Plus I had a cleaner so neither of us was doing it, right? Of course being at home with two small children means you end up doing loads of cleaning and tidying.

We try to do most of the cleaning together at the weekends, I hope that provides a good role-model for the DC. So far they think only Daddies hoover, mop and iron, because when I do any of those things (and I hardly ever iron) I do them while their at school.

Also, if you had to go back to work full-time, who would do the cleaning? Would you walk in from work and start cooking, give the bathroom a quick clean etc in the evening? I bet you would. I hope to go back to work when the DC are a little older, I don't want to revert back to doing all the cleaning. So we do the bulk of it at the weekend, with boring daily tasks for both of us chucked in too - I hope we will continue to do so.

One of my friends, her DH puts the dishwasher on in the evening, empties it each morning. How long does that take? You can still do that after a 12-hour day (which is what I bet you do too, looking after your DC).

(I sound like I've got it all sorted but this is still very much work-in-progress)

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:11

No he sleeps or watches tv

OP posts:

everyspring · 02/05/2011 23:12

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:12

Omicron what your saying makes sense and your right if I went back to work I would still do it all out of habit

OP posts:

AyeRobot · 02/05/2011 23:13

Sorry, Lovemy2babies.

I think you need to think about what you are modelling and it will start to flow from there. It's not just about being a SAHM. It's how you divvy up the chores. The battery thing is pretty lame, you must admit.

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:14

He is concerned by his health bu has bad eating habits.

I would rather cook for him than him make bad food choices, he is over weight and I am trying to help him.

I don want to mother him but I can't stand some if his choices like wearing socks with holes in them which doesn't bother him so I buy socks for him.

OP posts:

OmicronPersei8 · 02/05/2011 23:15

that I just wrote their instead of they're though.

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:15

Right, so he is in fact getting more leisure time than you. Yes it sounds to me like you're using your's better (i agree!) but it's his choice how he uses his - if TV or sleeping works for him, fair enough,.

However, just because you're doing better stuff with your leisuretime, doesn't mean you should hvae less of it than him.

And I agree that he should take responsibility for his own health. Sorry don't want to diss your DH but tht really does infantilise him. It's his responsibility to eat healthily both for his own sake and your's so you're not left a widow early and to role model good food behaviour to your DD.

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:18

Ayerobert this thread has awakened me that I do need to make changes and how to do so.

The battery thing is lame but I also have a 10 month old who I breastfeedmand with my 3 year old and I have no support so do it on my own all day I can't be bothered to go find the batteries and replace.

So I say your dad will sort it out.
No it's not great role model g especially since my background is in technology

OP posts:

OmicronPersei8 · 02/05/2011 23:19

If he makes his own lunches he would be doing his DC two favours. 1) taking responsibility for his own health and thereby showing them he cares about his/their future and 2) showing them that adults make their own lunches. So when they are teenagers they know that they can make their own lunch, as this is part of being/becoming an adult.

You are an equal person to him, not anyone's servant. This is a simple way he could show you that he understands that.

OmicronPersei8 · 02/05/2011 23:20

About the batteries - how about saying things will get fixed at the weekend? Then either you or your DH could do it when you've got more time/pairs of hands.

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:20

Herbeggs maybe I do infaltise him, i shall ask him to make his own lunches.

OP posts:

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:20

LOL I don't blame you not wanting to look for the bloody batteries I can never be arsed either.

Do what someone else said and say you'll do it later.

My remote control can go for weeks without new batteries because I can't be arsed.

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:21

Good points for role modleling and sharing work loads at weekends omicron

OP posts:

Original poster

Lovemy2babies · 02/05/2011 23:21

Good points for role modleling and sharing work loads at weekends omicron

OP posts:

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:26

As Omni said, it's not just for his sake - by seeing him take responsibility for his own lunch, his DD is learning that you're not responsible for it and therefore she won't be responsible for her DH's lunch.

If he objects, sell him that argument. He presumably won't want his little girl growing up assuming tht it's her job to make another adult's lunch/ do another adult's ironing/ clean another adult.

There's nothing wrong with doing any of those things for each other, depending on context. If you take it in turns to do each other's lunches on the way to work, for example, if it's a one off treat - but as a regular thing, part of the service you haev to ask yourself what the logic is of it being your job. And if the positions were reversed, and he was at home with your DD, would he make your lunches for you?

HerBEggs · 02/05/2011 23:27

Meant clean another adult's clothes, not clean another adult

(I have visions of adults being delivered to the cleaning service)

dittany · 02/05/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlingLoving · 02/05/2011 23:35

My 3 year old niece was shocked to see me driving and dh in passenger seat. Dh and swore to consciously not allow that kind of stereotype with our children. He tends to pay when we go out, from the joint account, but we agreed to stop doing that around any dc. It feels silly for me to pay, but we are practicing!

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/05/2011 08:08

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