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Original poster

I'll put this here as you lot might understand... warning upsetting content

57 replies

ManicPanic · 01/05/2011 12:08

Hi y'all

I am a fairly frequent lurker on the feminism topics, I haven't namechanged for this.

I am going to go to the police next week and report 'historic child abuse' from when I was 7/8/9 years old.

I have talked about this in other areas of the board and been told that mumsnet is not the place for it and am I sure I have not misinterpreted his actions etc which really fucked me off so I am putting this here in the hope that you guys will 'get it' / understand me (which I think you will)

I am, to put it politely, bricking it. To sit in a room with strangers and tell them, in detail, what this man did to me. What seems to lessen it in some peoples eyes is that he was 11 years old at the time - though no less a sociopathic, manipulative practised abuser for all that. I know that as far as he is concerned, he owns me. I have suffered for over 20 years because of his legacy. No exaggeration. My relationships, my view of sex, my (non-existent) trust in people, my confidence out in the world (again, zero) all have all been poisoned by him.

It all came out when I was 13 (as I basically lost the plot, started screaming about it and couldn't stop) and I had my idiot teachers and my evil mother explaining calmly how it was perfectly normal what he did to me (so all 8 year olds should have someones hand shoved down their knickers regularly? Really?) and how I was being over sensitive and overreacting and so on. Brushed under the carpet. mum said she might speak to his parents, decided the next day she wouldn't and that was the end of it.

It seems to me no matter how hysterical idiots people get about 'peedos' when it comes to children disclosing abuse nobody believes them, or they tell them that they are being silly. Sad This is killing me. I had a breakdown last october (because of this and other issues) and I can't take anymore. I need to report him. i almost don't care what happens after that, I need to stand up and tell what he is. I am concerned other chilldren are at risk now. I hope that isn't the case but I don't imagine the bastard will have changed (if at 11 he had grooming down to a fine art....?)

Please reassure me that I will be able to do it and that I am doing the right thing. (I know I am)

OP posts:
Original poster
ManicPanic · 05/05/2011 20:09

Couldn't sleep last night so I came downstairs and started writing on my laptop. Wrote out all the facts I could think of, area that he lives in, full name, siblings names, parents occupation etc. Then I wrote out how it started and everything that he did, and where he did it. To my shock, at a rough guess he abused me on 20+ different occasions Shock

It definitely helped me to see it as 'serious.' Also I saw, when it was all written down, how he was trying to get me inside houses in order to escalate the abuse. It's a pattern I just didn't see before.

That bastard needs putting away. I know I'll probably have to make do with him being arrested and questioned and denying everything. But it's better than nothing.

I have got Monday in my head as The Day. Feeling too woozy from the Prozac to be much use atm Blush

OP posts:
piginmuck · 05/05/2011 20:27

I am very sorry to hijack your thread ManicPanic and I think you are very brave to be even considering turning him in. I just wanted to ask a question. Because the op was so young but also the abuser was so young - is it still as serious? If the abused was 10 and the abuser 13 is this also as serious? It is a genuine question with a genuine reason for asking - it is not to suggest that the OP is in any way wrong for pursuing this. I just wanted to ask - actually I think I just want you to tell me that it is serious and validate my feelings. Again, sorry for the hijack and I wish you lots of good thoughts and luck in the road you are bravely about to take.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 05/05/2011 20:27

Manic you are being so brave!

It is interesting how patterns emerge once you start writing it down. It is often recommended on the Relationships thread especially when a poster is in denial about the amount of abuse they may be suffering. It helps bring clarity to the fact that it isn't every so often, in fact it is every week or month or whatever and the upset may go on for several days. This is generally a lot more than they thought.

It is great that you are getting it down on paper now. If you do decide Monday is the day then you will be so much better prepared and clearer with your thoughts. It is probably going to be tough enough anyway so any head start you can get will be good.

Good Luck!

InmaculadaConcepcion · 05/05/2011 20:49

Manic, if you are concerned about this thread being used against you in the event of a criminal prosecution, you can ask MNHQ to delete it once you've got what you need from it.

But best of luck. You are being very brave about this.

garlicbutter · 05/05/2011 22:31

Well done on your writing, Manic. It must have been upsetting. But also, I hope, constructive in that you've seen it more from the adult point of view: able to see the patterns and the deliberate intent. You are being brave :)

Don't force yourself if you decide not to go through with it - you're coming along way already. But good luck! Take good care of yourself.

baskingseals · 06/05/2011 22:18

agree with garlicbutter.

there's no pressure to do anything. do what you want to do. take your time and be kind to yourself.

ThisIsANiceCage · 13/05/2011 00:28

Manic, just checking in to see how the week went. You'd thought of going to the police on Monday; I wonder if that worked out for you?

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