I've got quite a simple question that I just can't answer - why would a woman not be a feminist?

[MarionCole]

Surely everyone wants equality of opportunity, don't they?

Would appreciate the opinions of those feminists far wiser than I.

also I want to be married so I guess that strikes me off from the start

I dont know for sure, just bits of probably ill informed snippets

see I was thinking about you two butterfly and griders when I wrote that thinking hmm maybe they are and I dont know

cause they will be intelligent real feminists

You can be married - or want to be - and still be a feminist! Feminism isn't against love, you know.

Trinity, that is really not true of the feminists on MN. Sometimes, institutions, traditions and conventions are discussed and unpicked on here, but there is rarely any individual proscribing and any that does crop up usually comes from non-regular posters.

Writer - for me, feminism is about equality of choice and opportunity, it doesn't matter whether you want to take that opportunity.

You should be able to have the big career if you want it and be on an equal footing to me in that career. If you don't want it, that's fine. You are allowed to be a SAHM, just as a man is allowed to be a SAHD. We are still a long way from equality of opportunity in the workplace.

I could never describe myself as a feminist because the very word has such negative connotations. I do not want to be associated with those.

flippinpeedoff. What connotations are those?

For me, I can't speak for others, the connotations are with very aggressive anti men, butch women, bulldozing their way forward regardless of the needs or feelings of others
In my past I have known women like that, in the 80's and all the Greenham common stuff, honestly and I decided if that's what feminism was count me out.
I think it has a bad name because of some hard core feminists, which is a shame. But mud sticks and I suspect that if I called myself a feminist that most people would have very similar reactions to the word and to me.

Apathy.

The status quo is comfortable.

They genuinely think women are so different from men there can be no equality.

different people have different views about what feminsim is..

eg.. wearing burkhas: should a feminist campaign to have them banned, or should he respect the clear right of women to wear what they like. Even if they are brainwashed women.. which of course they don't think they are.

eg..abortion: does a feminist believe it's the right of every woman to make her own choices, and does that mean that someone who is against abortion cannot be a feminist.

eg.. maternity leave: does being a feminist mean to have to support the ridiculous situation where a woman on extended unpaid ML (hooray that it's possible accrues paid holiday leave while she's doing it

It's not as simple as feminist or not

flippin has said it better than me

its not the feminism that is making me not want to be called one

its the hideous generalisations made about the word feminist

I dont need that crap

StewieGriffinsMom, I was thinking this the other day when I was keeping my enemies closer perusing an M R A site. They are apoplectic about feminists, yet almost all of their day to day complaints are about women who have clearly never had a feminist thought in their lives. I think it's very confusing for them.

I find it so frustrating that there are all these crappy assumptions built up around the idea of feminists. I'd really like to put massive posters up on billboards everywhere just saying: "Feminists - we want equality for women. You don't have to cut all your hair off, or wear dungarees, or hate men."

But I think it's important to define myself as a feminist whenever possible, just to challenge those assumptions.

Oh, I'm not either. It's not fair to fight the unarmed.

It's unfortunate that 30 year old preconceptions exist when there is a section on MN that is almost entirely free from that stereotype. It's a bit lazy, isn't it? And hugely disrespectful to those who put themselves out there to fight for changes in the law and society to benefit women as a group, that all of us gain from.

You raise interesting points there stubbornhubby. I do think I suffer some cognitive dissonance around the issue of feminism if I'm honest. I do recognise that we live in a patriarchal society that in a lot of ways devalues me because I'm a woman, but many aspects of that patriarchal setup actually suit me and benefit me so I don't necessarily want it all to change. The problem is, feminism tends to be quite hard-line - the attitude is that all aspects of the patriarchal system must be challenged and changed. I can totally see why this is the case, but people have grown up with the patriarchal system, it's the system they have come to know and depend on, it's what they're comfortable with (men and women alike). Psychologically people need predictability and stability and asking them to challenge and change nearly all aspects of their society is too daunting. It just seems like all the things we've grown up with are being trashed (perhaps rightly so) and it's too much.

But surely as long as intelligent women keep saying 'I'm not going to call myself a feminist because of all the unpleasant connotations of the word' - those connotations will remain, won't they?

You say yourself that they're hideous generalisations - and they are - so why would you want to bow to them?