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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Men in a van

246 replies

alphamummy · 03/03/2011 22:01

I'm unsure why this bothered me so much, i'm not upset more annoyed that it happened.

Sorry i'll explain, i was walking on main road to playgroup 10am ish, with my 2 children in double buggy. I was dressed in jeans, winter coat and walking boots( not that it should matter at all what i had on). A van drove passed me pipped their horn and the driver shouted out of the window at me " fat split arse" and the bloke in the back also shouted "show us your fanny".

Why would you behave like that? I had my children with me.

I think its the fact that they pipped to get my attention to shout abuse at me.

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HecateQueenOfWitches · 03/03/2011 22:03

oh my god. That is disgusting.

I don't suppose the van had a name on it?

I wonder if they'd be happy for their partner to be pushing their children down the street and have that yelled at them.

I don't know what is wrong with some people.

Prolesworth · 03/03/2011 22:18

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alphamummy · 03/03/2011 22:27

Thanks it happened a few days ago but keeps popping into my mind. I just ignored them and carried on walking. They were all laughing. It just made me feel so small.

Nope no name just a white van with like two rows of seats to carry 4 men. They has hi-vis's on so could have been anything!

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HerBeX · 03/03/2011 22:32

Woman haters.

The sort of men who, when you say you're a feminist, call you a man-hater.

Because they project.


dittany · 03/03/2011 22:55

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dittany · 03/03/2011 22:57

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dittany · 03/03/2011 23:00

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HerBeX · 03/03/2011 23:17

No that's true, they don't.

And most men have no idea of how often this happens to women.

The bliss of privilege...

ButterflyAnn · 03/03/2011 23:31

We need to find a way of raising awareness of street harassment. Women and young girls experience this every day and it needs to STOP.

Hope you're ok xxx

alphamummy · 03/03/2011 23:43

I am ok. Thankyou all for being so lovely.

Its hard to explain but i felt kind of ashamed it bothered me so much. Its good to know that it should have bothered me. iyswim?

Dittany - your so right , numbing yourself to it.

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dittany · 03/03/2011 23:49

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dittany · 03/03/2011 23:53

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dittany · 03/03/2011 23:55

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amiheartless · 04/03/2011 08:48

Did you see the company on the van?

that is really awful, the being with your children too I think is even more disgusting on their behalf.

I've noticed, 'Van Men' are prone to this sorta behaviour.

Happened alot to me going to school, and I was wearing a uniform so they could tell I was young Shock

any..sorry not trying to make it about me.

how are you feeling now??

queenofthecapitalwasteland · 04/03/2011 09:01

Gods alphamummy, that's awful. I always feel like crawling into a corner when that happens, I like to think I'd come up with some scathing put-down but most likely I'd want to cry.
To shout things to you when you're with your DCs is awful, those men are truely scum to subject small children to this verbal assult. So angry for you Angry

AliceWorld · 04/03/2011 09:05

alphamummy - you have every right to feel crap about it. It's a horrid thing to happen. Like Dittany's big foot thing, visualisation is great for getting the memory out of your head.

I once reported something like this to the police. I remembered the number plate, as I have plenty of practice used to memorise the number plates of cars parked outside the house as a child, what was that about and they took it surprisingly seriously. Of course I'm sure it depends on who you get.

AliceWorld · 04/03/2011 09:08
InmaculadaConcepcion · 04/03/2011 09:12


A bunch of guys in a van shouting vulgarities to a woman with two young children?

You have every right to be furious about it.


thefinerthingsinlife · 04/03/2011 09:54

What a bunch of tossers. I hope you're okay alphamummy

Glamour · 04/03/2011 10:06

i wouldnt call them women haters, just tossers.

what a horrible thing for them to do i would be very upset if i was with my DS.

although normally i dont mind a white van man, they are usually harmless, a whistle and a ''alright love'' dosent bother me one little bit.

if it was me i would have just said something back

alphamummy · 04/03/2011 10:21

What should i have said?

Surely me shouting abuse back just lowers myself to there level?

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scottishmummy · 04/03/2011 10:24

dont think they are necessarily women haters,was rude and disgusting,particularly in front of children. However,this doesnt men all men are like this. not all men engage in such boorish behaviours. is outrageous that a woman cannot be out and about with being subjected to disgusting derogatory comments

scottishmummy · 04/03/2011 10:28

i dont think a "whistle and all right love" is acceptable either. is low intrusion but still unwarranted and unnecessary,usually sexual in connotation. so no i dont see that comment as acceptable all

i do wonder how the all right love and whistle crew would feel if they saw someone do that do their partner/sister/mum. probably not chuffed

it isnt a cheerie salutation

Unrulysun · 04/03/2011 11:10

Glamour I think you've missed the point hat the op felt humiliated, whatever she had shouted back she's unlikely to have been able to humiliate them. And she had her children with her.

Sometimes these incidents are worse than they sound if you're there iyswim? I was walking down the street near uni when I was 19 and I remember I was having a nice day and feeling really good and a lorry driver tooted his horn and made a cunnilingus sign at me - really graphic using both hands and his tongue. He was a middle aged bloke. It made me feel really sick and humiliated and angry. It wasn't a big deal maybe but I've always remembered it even though some much worse things have happened to me. I think it's maybe because I felt it expressed so much hatred.

BooyFuckingHoo · 04/03/2011 11:23

eugh!! that is disgusting!!

i am really very tempted to post a request on FB asking anyone who does this to try and explain why they do it and how it makes them feel when they do it but i fear i would only be inviting an influx of rude messages from disgusting people. still it would be a good method of finding out who i shouldn't have as a 'friend' on FB.

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