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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Does your 'gaze' age with you? (Really this one's for the over 30s)

64 replies

StuffingGoldBrass · 31/12/2010 18:52

Mainstream culture is always banging on about the idea that older women are so unattractive as to be invisible but we all age, and not all of us older people are safely locked into monogamy, so I was just wondering - if you are over 30, do you find yourself less sexually interested in young men (or women) and more interested in your own contemporaries, or not?
I find myself more inclined to give a rueful pleased glance to a gorgeous 20 year old and move on these days, for instance, and genuinely more inclined to seek out over 40s if I'm in the mood to be on the pull (I am 46)... but at the same time I want them to look nice, not totally past it.

OP posts:
LesAnimaux · 31/12/2010 18:55

Well, I know what you are saying...I certainly don't fancy any of the boys from One Direction... but
"but at the same time I want them to look nice, not totally past it."

Can you imagine a man posting this and the feminists of MN getting hold of it....there would be outrage..... Grin

TheFeministParent · 31/12/2010 18:57

Well, I have always stuck to my age, not much older or younger...I am 36.

sarah293 · 31/12/2010 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MillyR · 31/12/2010 19:03

My gaze aged along with my chronological age until I was 25. It hasn't moved since.

sakura · 01/01/2011 01:28

Me too Milly!

ISNT · 01/01/2011 11:21

I think that for both sexes it probably ages with people, but at a slower rate than the person IYSWIM. And there's probably a maximum.

Personally I have never gone for men who are older than me, DH is 5 years younger. I saw a gorgeous man on the tube the other day who was prob mid twenties (I'm 37) but I definitely don't fancy the boyband types any more!

I also think that obviously there is a society thing of women "having" to be young to be attractive while men can be older, and I think that this can - not alter - but help to form peoples views.

saythatagain · 01/01/2011 11:27

Yes, my 'gaze' has grown with me. I'd not given that any thought until now! For instance, my crush on Kevin McCloud has not diminished and been replaced by, let me see....Justin Beiber!!!!, yuk!! (I'm 43 btw).

That was a terrible example too.

Lulumaam · 01/01/2011 11:28

I am 'locked in monogamy' and am 35. I would let a fleeting glance stray over a young man, but definitely more interested in looking at/spending time with /talking to men of at least my age or older. Far more interesting, worldy, more to talk about, not self obssessed and just after a shag. I can't imagine anything more boring than trying to have a conversation with a man under the age of about 21.

suzikettles · 01/01/2011 11:36

Absolutely. I can recognise that younger men are attractive but I'm not personally attracted to anyone under the age of about 30 and definitely find men in their late 30s/40s/50s more appealling.

The idea of Beiber and his ilk turn my stomach (but probably would have at 16 too).

ISNT · 01/01/2011 11:43

who is this beiber?

suzikettles · 01/01/2011 11:49

ISNT, I only found out about him when there were news stories about how many Twitter followers he had and that Google had 10 servers dedicated to his traffic or somesuch.

Basically he's a little boy who sings. We're not his demographic Grin

zoezebraa · 01/01/2011 11:54

my gaze died when I had children.. I just dont have the energy!

amigababy · 01/01/2011 12:02

my gaze often fixes on Rafa Nadal (happy as playing today, less happy as Sky switch to adverts between sets, when he changes his shirts Smile )
It's a harmless fixation for a slightly silly married 43 yo - and naturally relates to his tennis skill only!!

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 01/01/2011 12:03

I don't think I've ever looked at anyone and wanted to have a go on them based on visual appeal solely or even in part. Might be faulty wiring in my head, but there has to be something interesting about them - creatively or mentally - to wake up my shagging receptors. The physical package is secondary really. Does this mean I don't have a 'gaze'?

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 01/01/2011 12:04

I'm 38 and have a bit of a sad crush on Prince Caspian - I have no idea how old he is (too scared to look it up Blush)

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 01/01/2011 12:04

IDK. When I was a teenager I liked over 20's (I can't think of anyone who was my own age. Were there boybands in the 80's?) Now I'm almost 40 I still like over 20's Smile

I don't think I had an upper age limit then or now.

That's in the privacy of my head though. If I was single, I doubt if I'd have the confidence to flirt-with-intent with anyone significantly younger than me, and I think I'd rather be with a contemporary or older for an actual relationship.

thenightsky · 01/01/2011 12:07

I don't know about 'gaze' but I prefer to spend time and conversation with men over the age of 40/45. Younger men always seem so childish and self-obsessed (well the ones I talk to have anyway). I would choose personality, sense of humour, manners etc over looks any day.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 01/01/2011 12:07

Ben Barnes is a very respectable 29.

ISNT · 01/01/2011 12:09

Just googled beiber he looks about 12.

No thanks Grin

mrsdmitri in the 80s you could have swooned over wham, duran duran, adam ant (phwoar) or even limahl (ahem Blush).

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 01/01/2011 12:11

Limahl! Hahaha, no, surely not?

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 01/01/2011 12:14

Lovepink I have to say that I lose interest in attractive people if they don't match that with their personality, but my longest and most abiding 'crushes' tend to be on people where I haven't initially thought they were attractive but have really liked them. The attraction to their looks (quirky or not) has grown from a fascination with their personality. My 'namesake' is one of those. I was a bit 'meh' when I first saw him acting, but the more I learned about him, and the more I saw interviews, the more attractive I found him. Now I can't understand why everyone else doesn't see what I see Grin (well apart from all his fans and his equally awesome wife)

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 01/01/2011 12:17

ISNT I did, but John Taylor (swoons) was in his mid 20's (born 1960 iirc, making him 11 years older than me!)

Boy bands in the 80's were man bands compared to the kiddies you get now!

ISNT · 01/01/2011 12:22

Alright then...



Oooh and BROS!

I suspect they were there mrsdmitri, we just didn't fancy them...

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 01/01/2011 12:25

Oh god NKOTB and Bros. My sister really liked them, and I ribbed her mercilessly.

HeroShrew · 01/01/2011 12:29

I'm 33. I can't look at a male under 25 without thinking about how daft they probably are, no matter how pretty which is rather prejudiced of me, isn't it?

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