If you were raped would you report it?

[darleneconnor]

A topical question.

I didn't in the past because I was in denial.

For the sake of my privacy I still wouldn't now. It'd make me feel so guilty leaving someone to go free and maybe do it again but psychologically I coudln't cope with a court case and all that goes with it.

this one bothered me.
she must (apparently) have been lying because she was seen flirting with him beforehand, didn't cry out for help, and performed a sex act on him later.
we don't know, we absolutely don't know, what went on there, but none of these things are absolutely proof that she wasn't raped and were treated as if they are.

God, how fucking depressing is it that all of you say you wouldn't report it

I think I would- I wouldn't want to get the guy beaten up and then get in trouble for that on top of the rape. At least I think I would feel that I have tried to fight for some justice being done and didn't just let the guy to get away, whatever the outcome.

"Yes, if I did not report it and then he attacked someone else, I could not live with that."

I saw something on TV a while ago though about men being arrested for assaulting different women, sometimes charged and sometime going to court for rape five, six even seven times and not being convicted once.

for those who are saying they would feel guilty if tehy didn't report it and he went on to do it to someone else. by teh sounds of things even if you did report it he would be able to go on to do it to others so i wouldn't let that be your guilt. that is his guilt and teh failings of teh judicial system.

Bythepower
You did not fail. The adult you put faith in failed.

And our justice system is failing us women daily.

Before today I would have answered this question with YES, damn right I would report it.

Now, I don't know.

well said booyhoo.
I think if you have been raped you would have to do whatever you had to to survive; having been raped once you don't have an obligation to let yourself be raped again emotionally by the legal system. People who are strong enough to do it deserve all our gratitude, but you shouldn't feel responsible for anything subsequent a criminal does - it is his crime.

yes, woman who castigate other women for not having the strength to face the penal system tread very dangerously close to blaming her if he reamins free to do it again

a swift look at the stats for successful rape prosecutions should disabuse them of that idea, pretty sharpish

bloody awful typos...hope you get the gist

Never been in even a remotely similar situation but initial response is yes of course I would. I would report it if I were mugged or if my car were broken into and rape is more serious so of course it needs reporting.

The analytical side of me that reads crime novels says I shoudl report it ASAP without having a shower first.

Yes it is not the fault of a woman who doesn't report rape, if her rapist goes on to rape again.

It's his fault.

What was horrible about that Daily Mail teenage mother being sent to prison article, was the bile directed against rape victims in the comments underneath.

Most people genuinely believe that rape is rare and that most rape allegations are false. That is why most rape victims never bother to report rape - they know they won't be believed. What is the point of putting yourself through the humiliation of the police process and then a court process (if it ever gets to court) when the rapist has a 94% chance of walking free with a smirk on his face?

AF I would never castigate anyone for their decisions with these things. They need support to get through things and for some it is the legal route and for some it isn't. I was only talking about myself.

I was and I didn't. Still wouldn't now.

grey, I wasn't talking about you, or about anyone in particular x

In dh's family the victim was repeatedly raped by her long-term partner, when the family found out her uncle sorted it, there was never any thought of involving the police. It's vigilante justice which ought to be abhorred but given the low conviction rate am not at all appalled, the family and victim do take some comfort from what was done.

phew! sorry for being over sensitive

dinah, sometimes it is all they understand (the perpetrators)

Vigilante justice is not abhorrent if that's the only justice available Dinah.

I was about ten years ago and I didn't.

For some reason my then-boyfriend had me convinced that it was terrible that I "let him" force me to have sex with him.

So yeah, for a few years I thought I consented, and for a few more I thought our sexual relationship lived in some nebulous grey area of consent, and only now am I getting around to calling it what it was.

Oddly enough, in retrospect, I realize now that we only ever had sex when I was getting too independant and the guilt/shame side of it was another way to control me (he was my first, but claimed I must have lied because I didn't "feel like" a virgin).

So now, being older, and hopefully stronger, I would like to say yes - but also knowing about rape in the judicial process I would probably say no, I wouldn't report it. I would want to move on and not have to justify every aspect of my sex life to any scumbag who feels like asking (and education, and childcare choices, and spouse choices etc - you saw the headlines "teen mother makes false rape allegations" like having a baby in her teens had anything to do with it).

I should have just hid the thread. Just thinking about the way things are makes my eyes roll so hard they hurt.

Although it would be better to have legal justice, of course.

But that doesn't look like it will be on offer any time soon.

with my best Margaret Atwood hat on, this is how I see society going in the medium-term future

more vigilantism

I don't agree with it, but I see why it happens

so sorry for all of you here that have experienced this, and very brave for sharing.

Maren, I am sorry you went through that, and that this thread is difficult for you to read

Yes.

I didn't when I was 15 because I didn't think anyone would believe me. Wish I had now but couldn't have survived the process at the time.