If you were raped would you report it?

[darleneconnor]

A topical question.

I didn't in the past because I was in denial.

For the sake of my privacy I still wouldn't now. It'd make me feel so guilty leaving someone to go free and maybe do it again but psychologically I coudln't cope with a court case and all that goes with it.

Has anyone read Lucky by Alice Sebold? It's the memoir of her rape (which was the stranger in a dark park kind) and she did report it. The book showed how 'perfect' your case needs to be to have a hope of it being pursued and brought to court. Very discouraging, but it's an amazing book.

Yes Bue - it really is an amazing book and I'd recommend it to anyone.

This thread is terribly depressing.

At times like this I can understand why people peering into the feminist section think that we've all lost the plot. Because of course obviously the thing to do is report these crimes and obviously the police will take it seriously. And what kind of feminists are we to be seemingly discouraging people from reporting sexual assault?

Of course the reason that a lot of women become feminists in the first place is because of the low level everyday sexual abuse and the experience of serious sexual assault and rape. Many women on these pages have experienced these things which is in part why they are here - and as such they have experienced firsthand / followed many stories which show what reporting this type of crime achieves.

And based on that information, know that if it came to it, they probably wouldn't report.

This is why we need to work hard to bring about changes in the police and society so that it becomes obvious that rape must be reported, and everyone knows that the police will take it seriously, and be understanding, and that there's a good chance that the rapist will be locked up.

ISNT - interesting that you think people might peer in and think we've lost the plot. I would have thought peerers would think "blimey, maybe they've got a point, maybe this whole issue goes so much deeper than I had thought, maybe there's more to feminism than employment law and equal ops". agree it's incredibly depressing though.

yes they might!

I remember some comments on a similar thread though - it's when people say that we are perpetually casting women in the victim role and saying there's nothing that women can do and it's all dooooooooom - those comments come up sometimes. And reading this I could see why people might come to that conclusion!

I reported it when it happened to me aged 16. Actually, no, that's a lie. My parents reported it on my behalf despite me begging them not to.

I was more worried that I would get into trouble as I had been out in a night club drinking. The situation itself didn't actually sink in until I had to go and be internally examined, standing on that white sheet like some dodgy criminal and then straight off to give video evidence about 10 mins from where it happened.

Apparently there had been 2 incidents that night, me and another young girl. According to the police, one of us was making it up...

It never went any further than that but I can remember thinking at the time, and even more so now that I wished my parents had let me deal with it my way (I know they were trying to protect me). There is no way on earth I would report it now if it were to happen. Absolutely no chance.

Why did the police think that one of you was making it up? Did they say?

I can't believe they said that to you.

Yes that's true as well.

This thread just feels very defeatist IYSWIM. I wish things were different.

I'm not personally that downhearted, although it is a depressing thread, I'm more sort of looking in and thinking how this thread might make others feel downhearted. Or something

I sometimes wonder what would happen if every woman who had ever been raped and/or sexually assulted arranged to attend their local police station to report it at the same time. The queues would run for miles and might be a stark visual reminder, especially to the police, that it is a real and horrifically common problem.

actually slug thats the best idea wouldn't be amazing . maybe the first step is the sheer amount who are telling us on here tonight ... and last night etc ...

bloody hell slug, what an idea

the properly frustrating thing is when other women collude with the male viewpoint that women make it up, over-react or are asking for it by their behaviour/dress

you know, those types who see no harm in porn and prostitution and it's "just something men do" that takes nothing away from women

it drives me quite wild..have had to restrain myself on a thread very recently

there is also a female poster talking about "male urges" on one of the other similar threads to this, saying we should make allowances for them and that the sexual assaults thread is a mistake because all it does is paint men in a bad light

what an awesome idea for a campaign.

I've seen that idea come up on other forums slug. Sounds amazing, but I doubt that many victims could do it.

there are potentially different levels of the same idea: a protest where everyone who had been raped/attacked/assulated had a placard with a simple statement of their experience eg "I was raped by my husband" etc. or a web-based one - a petition type one. I have a feeling one organisation has done it. It's hard to reach people though and get the mass sign up that the issue so clearly merits.

Thing is if they were all reported to the police, they would doubtless get some names coming up again and again and serial abusers would come to light.

I did report an assault BUT only because my mum bless her called the police before asking me - she has since many times apologied.

The police really try but they didn't have a clue - no real fosenics done nor exam until i went to doctor a couple of days later for sleeping tablets. So i doubt it would be any use but it may be linked and provide a pattern?

It was 11 years ago and pushed firmly away BUT it can still stop me in my tracks.

For many years i hoped he wouldn't be caught as the idea of court sounds like hell.

As for being common i believe i am only one of two victims that i know from many women from many walks of life

I totally get what you mean that it can still stop you in your tracks mrspear - I only have to hear a certain song and a wave of sickness flows over me and I go cold. I was raped 18 years ago this month. You'd think it'd lessen with time, but it doesn't

I doubt I would report it tbh. I was assaulted by someone I used to babysit for when I was 15. I told someone - my husband - about it for the first time ever last week. I'm 38 now

I am sat here in bits, you are all amazing ladies.
goldencarp I wanted to say to you that you did what I would like to think I could do if it happened to me again. I would want that anger/drive totake me forward and see me through the system.

I am so saddened by all this, alloverit it is 25 years for me just past it mid october 1985, not over it yet

grey