If you were raped would you report it?

[darleneconnor]

A topical question.

I didn't in the past because I was in denial.

For the sake of my privacy I still wouldn't now. It'd make me feel so guilty leaving someone to go free and maybe do it again but psychologically I coudln't cope with a court case and all that goes with it.

I'm not sorry I went through it. I wouldn't be as self-assured as I am now, and I definitely wouldn't consider myself a feminist if I hadn't. I had to pull myself out of a really dark place (rape was honestly the least long-lasting of the damage from that guy, and I stuck with him for TWO YEARS).

There are lots of threads that are difficult to read, I just get pissed of when I find out more examples of women who are branded by things unrelated to the incident, especially when it comes to rape. Not that I should be surprised.

The rape part doesn't bother me so much anymore, because he no longer has any power over me.

hatwoman my experience too. He honestly thinks he's a nice guy. I want him to have a health warning tattooed on his forehead

I almost certainly wouldn't, because I was very promiscuous (my choice entirely, but not really coming from a happy place) before I met DP, and frankly I couldn't handle that being used against me in court, or my family having to listen to it.

But if DD was raped I mean, she is only a baby now I don't know, I don't know what I would advise her to do. I want to think I would encourage her to report it, but God :(

(to clarify, re DD, I was thinking hypothetically about what if it happened to her far in the future, not now)

I feel a bit sick even thinking along these lines about her future. World is full of wrongness.

if my child was raped, i know i would encourage them to do the thing that caused them the least amount of pain or suffering, not necessarily the thing that should be done or the thing that will get legal justice.

I think nearly every woman has a story of at least one time when she said no and he did it anyway, or when she thought she had one drink, and woke up naked, or she was just too young to consent, or whatever.

The thing is, ask a lot of people and that isn't what they think rape is. That is is sex without consent seems to pass them by.

It is not fair. I have two little girls, and at some point I am going to have to tell them how to be forceful when they say no, and what to do if somebody ignores that, and it is not fair.

Men always compare it to, for example, telling their son not to wear a Blackpool shirt in Preston, but this is me either telling my daughters not to wear anything showing their figure at all, never to flirt, never to walk alone, never to have a drink, never to try to gain back control if anything happens, but if they do, it will be their fault in the eyes of society, or basically giving them a rape alarm and self defence training and hoping for the best.

Really, what are we meant to do to avoid rape?

I didnt report mine. I had a couple of friends find out from someone I confided in (long story) and not one of them believed me. So no... There was no way I was going to set foot in a police station to tell them what happened!

Yes, I would. It's taken me 18 years to name what happened to me as rape, but I bloody well know now what counts. I know what the myths are and why they're not true. And if my lawyer didn't, I'd fucking well tell them and make sure they told the rest of the court too.

I'm quite naive and idealistic on the whole. See, I'm already assuming it would get to a court. Fuck's sake.

Two men tried to rape a friend's employee recently. The victim has been told that if she seeks any counselling except that offered by the police, her testimony can be thrown out. What the hell is that about?

for women to avoid rape, men have to stop raping

The problem with rape is that its (usually) one word against the other.

The police can do more but I'm not sure how. Unless its a stranger then most rapists if an example of the above happened will just say "we had sex, she changed her mind". Therefore any forensic evidence is explainable.

Best idea would be to stab the fucker in the head with some keys, that might convince a jury.

It depends on the circumstances of the rape, for me as well - like most of you, I'd only even consider it if the 'cliched' rape elements were there. Certainly it didn't even occur to me to report at 16, because I'd voluntarily got into the man's bed (alone, at the time - I'd had a couple of drinks on an empty stomach and needed to lie down).

I've probably said this somewhere else, but a few months ago I mentioned that rape to an old friend, because she was telling me that he was back in town and wouldn't it be nice to catch up, and I said no it wouldn't, he raped me when I was 16. And she said "...it's funny, looking back to your teenage years, isn't it? It's easy to regret the sex you had then and remember it differently".

This is a friend of 16 years duration, who knows me well, and knows that I would have absolutely no possive motive for making that up - it was 16 years ago, why would I tell her that now if it was a 'regretted sex' issue? Surely i'd just not mention it at all? AND back then everyone knew he had form, wasn't to be trusted, tended to go for younger girls, etc. And still, and yet. Me, respectable married lawyer and mother, 16 years past the event mentioning it, and I can't possibly be telling the truth.

Thank god i didn't try and report at the time, then.

seeyouokay, yep

unfortunately it might convince the jury that you are an attemped murderer

Seeyoukay, most crimes are one word against another. I say my house burned down accidentally, who's to say I didn't set it alight? I say I was robbed, who's to say I didn't voluntarily give that money away? I say I was assaulted, who's to say I didn't start the fight and he was acting in self defense? Some men enjoy getting into physical fist fights, after all, perhaps it was consensual? The false accusation rate is exactly the same for all of those crimes.

takes long enough to find my keys at best of times, not sure someone bent on rapacious attack would be good enough to wait while I went on safari for them seeyoukay

"The problem with rape is that its (usually) one word against the other."

Unfortunately, his word seems to count for a lot more than her word when the word rape is mentioned.

I also want to say that if a young lady doesn't see adult women have the support of police and the legal system they are never goign to think that the police will believe them.

For me it would have been a clear case, none the less it is one of those nightmares. Someone said earlier it would depend on how "raped" they felt. I find that such a hard thing, rape is so often more about the psychological damage and not the physical damage and that is a nightmare thing for due legal process to heal.

So almost everyone says no.
Not exactly a surprise.

A girl in the flat downstairs from me in Halls of Residence was raped by one of her flatmates and didn't report it. She had been raped before at school but was so traumatised by the legal process it put her off reporting this second rape.

And to those doubters who might think 'maybe she wasn't raped', the only reason i know abour it was that the rapist confessed to my then boyfriend.

He moved out of that hall but was allowed to move into another by the University .

Looking back I feel really bad that I never told the girl what my boyfriend told me. She probably thought that no-one believed her.

"Unfortunately, his word seems to count for a lot more than her word when the word rape is mentioned."

That's the innocent until proven guilty at work. The accused is always given the benefit of the doubt as it were due to needing beyond reasonable doubt.

"Seeyoukay, most crimes are one word against another. I say my house burned down accidentally, who's to say I didn't set it alight? I say I was robbed, who's to say I didn't voluntarily give that money away? I say I was assaulted, who's to say I didn't start the fight and he was acting in self defense? Some men enjoy getting into physical fist fights, after all, perhaps it was consensual? The false accusation rate is exactly the same for all of those crimes."

I didn't say owt about false accusations :)

So he is innocent and, therefore, by default she is lying. 96% of reported rapes never result in a conviction - there seems to be quite a lot of liars out there.

You should report it, even if you don't intend to go to trial, because at least then it will be on record that someone reported him and it might give the next person who he does it to more of a chance of getting a conviction.

Of course, if you're going to take things into your own hands don't report it. Don't want to leave a trail

Maybe we should set up a hit squad! Get each other to bump off strangers' rapists. Like 'Strangers on a Train'...

littleaccountant - what do you mean by reporting leads to 'more chance of a conviction' for the next person ? Previous convictions don't, how can a mere allegation?

Seeyoukay, I know you didn't - but all of those crimes are one word against another, and nobody ever says "well it's hard to prove, isn't it, who's to know?". It's only rape where people throw their hands up and say, it's impossible to fix the conviction rate.

The point about false accusations is that there are a percentage of FAs for every crime. That proves that it's possible to falsely report crimes other than rape, that it's often one word against another.

So why do you think it's only rape that encounters the credibility problem?

Does anyone know if other countries in Europe, etc are doing a better job with rape convictions? I would like to know if the UK is particularly backwards on this subject and why exactly?

our conviction rate compares ok with other places if you take it from point of getting to court, somewhere in region of 50 or 60% (unless has changed dramatically recently)

are you asking about attrition rates though?