Why sexual abuse should be taken seriously...

[tabouleh]

There is a thread at the moment where a MNer has discovered that her DS is abusing her DDs.

Very very sad.

What is fucking shocking is posters trying to trivialise this abuse as "doctors and nurses" and suggesting that the behaviour is more innocent that it seems.

I don't want that support thread de-railed.

So I have linked to here.

So yep I have form for thread about threads lets debate it here.

I agree Elephants that the 'urges' are multilayered. And also about the consequences thing. Debt and obesity do have consequences for society as a whole but some people just blank that part out. Just as those who behave inappropriate somehow must blank out the bit about the consequences (to themselves as well IYKWIM).

It could be a product of the society that we live in and there is no doubt that there is much awry with our society and it's treatment of women.

I haven't really thought this through other than it is how I live my life, but from an early age I read Desmond Morris (the whole Manwatching thing) and then later Freud etc in an attempt to get my head around sexuality.

From what I can see, some people just have not evolved past the stage of just taking what you want - much like the drakes ganging up on the female duck in the park.

How to treat sexual offenders - educate them.
How to treat victims - educate them.

It is a lesson in Biology.

I don't get it either - what do you think your comments will add to the other thread?

Do you think if some people went around slapping strangers full in the face, it would be written off as "giving into urges"?

The lesson is that it is not about you. These people are deeply selfish.

For them, the lesson is that it should be about you. They should not be so deeply selfish in what is supposed to be a civilised society.

I am saying that they should be capable but that when they are not that is their fault not ours.

school run, back later

thank you for talking things through

I agree with Larry.

I was sexually abused as a child over many years before someone says I don't understand it.

Someone close to me now works in an area of child protection and he thinks:

Many boys and girls have their first sexual experience with friends or siblings, they play sexual games that would horrify adults. It comes at a time when they are curious and confused.

It does not mean this boy will become a sexual predator. The boy and the girl now need to be protected. The boy must not be demonised and the girl must obviously be protected.

What happens to this boy now could make a great deal of difference to the path he takes and should be handled very carefully.

I think that it is acceptable to deal with this without SS, but I also think they know enough to help without over reacting.

Some strange views on here.

Is it seriously being suggested that many males do not have the ability to control their actions, that like toddlers thinking and acting are the same? That is cobblers. Men are perfectly capable of choosing whether or not to act on their urges, the same as women and children as they get older. If a man has an urge to sexually assault someone, and he acts on it, then he has committed a crime.

I can't believe that anyone is seriously saying that men cannot help but act on their urges

I am also concerned as to how a thread where people are simply relating their experieneces, ie talking about actual things that have actually happened to them, can be described as "irrational".

"Many boys and girls have their first sexual experience with friends or siblings, they play sexual games that would horrify adults."

Yes this is true I'm sure. However the experimentation happens with peers and is consensual. In this case a 13yo boy has been making his much younger sisters do things that they don't want to do. That's completely different.

What would your friend do in this case? Your post is not clear as to why you think it would be a bad thing if these children are reported to someone like your friend.

You seem to be saying that your friend would say it was harmless experimentation, and that he works in child protection. Is that right?

Yes I think it was the other thread that was "irrational" but it's just people telling stories so I don't understand that really.

Yes wait and see later

I don't think the other thread is irrational at all. But I do think that some rationalisation could prevent it from descending into something very dark indeed. There cannot be that many sexually deviant/depraved people out there, can there?

About the urges, I agree that people have the choice on whether or not to act on them but at the same time the other thread is not populated by people who lives have been 'maimed' because of the wrong choices of others. Choice is for the civilised among us.

So whilst I'm not saying that these people have no choice I am saying that they are compelled by something, I think.

My friend didn't say it was harmless, just that it was not unusual and if dealt with properly then both of the DCs could come out of it without long term damage.

He thinks that the boy, is behaving in a way many boys, who grow to be good men, have behaved.

He said that how you deal with the boy is extremely important and should be handled by someone who is trained.

He thinks Larry's points were all valid but that as my friend is connected to SS he thinks that people are underestimating what help they would be given. That those in child protection would help both of them and not be concerned with punishment.

Do we talk to our DC about 'urges'? I tell mine it's OK to feel angry but it's not OK to hit. I have told my 9 year old DD that sometimes adults or other children behave inappropriately in a physical with DC and that that is wrong. Should I be telling my DC that they may have inappropriate sexual urges that they mustn't act on?

He thinks that the boy, is behaving in a way many boys, who grow to be good men, have behaved.

agree about many boys doing this

less sure about them growing up to be good men

thank fuck women aren't human, or people could get really angry about the sort of shit they have to suck up and smile

pheeeeew indeed