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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Sex Porn and Teenagers 8pm Monday 4/10 BBC Radio 4

229 replies

LadyBiscuit · 04/10/2010 19:57

That's in 5 mins :)

From the BBC website:

" "Shag bands" are thin coloured rubber bracelets, indicating how far the wearer will go sexually if the band is broken.

Purple for a kiss or yellow for a hug may seem comparatively harmless but some of the other colours such as black for full intercourse or blue for oral sex ring alarm bells.

A Wakefield MP recently campaigned to stop shops selling them after complaints from parents including a mother who innocently bought some for her 6-year old's party bag. Elsewhere schools have banned "shag bands" after finding pupils wearing them.

Part of playground culture, they're often worn innocently or in a show of bravado but there is a darker side where early sexual exploration strays into the easily accessible world of internet porn. Where children once passed notes, they now use their mobile phones to share explicit images and there's peer pressure through social networking sites.

Presenter Miranda Sawyer, herself a mother, investigates whether society and parents are aware of just what their children are getting up to and asks how concerned should we be about the sexualisation of children in media, advertising and fashion such as sale of padded bras for pre-pubescent girls or sexual references on T shirts for primary-aged kids.

Even though teenage pregnancy rates are falling, Britain still has the highest rate in Western Europe. As many as 1 in 4 teenagers have underage sex with anecdotal evidence of sexual experimentation including anal sex to avoid pregnancy. However sex education is improving in schools and access to contraception and STI screening has never been better.

But there are concerns that unlike the 'dirty mags' of their parent's day, teenagers now access porn which can be addictive, desensitising and threatening to healthy relationships in the future."

Scary but essential listening I think

OP posts:
sunny2010 · 05/10/2010 21:51

'They would just check their private email at school/local library and set up two FB accounts: one which they wouldn't tell you about. '

Yeah but wouldnt you be on facebook anyway so would obviously have them and all their friends on facebook so you can greet (eg stalk) them lol.

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 21:53

Sorry AF, I know, but I think it needs to be spelled out. This is what is happening and it's horrific.

Thanks for the BBC3 tip Sunny I'll look out for it.

The problem with your argument, is that you are assuming that your DD is going to be confident and assertive. Something might happen to make her not so - she could be raped for example, which could destroy her confidence, in spite of all your good parenting (this has happened to a dd of a friend of mine, it's fucking tragic). And also, even if she is, what about every other teenage girl out there who isn't. Don't we have a duty to protect them and not rely solely on their parents to instill in them self-esteem and self-confidence?

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/10/2010 21:55

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AnyFucker · 05/10/2010 21:57

I know, HB Sad

AnyFucker · 05/10/2010 21:58

anybody fancy half a box of Thornton's ? Envy

dittany · 05/10/2010 22:05

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sunny2010 · 05/10/2010 22:07

Yeah but stewiegriffinsmomif you have all their friends then just go through all their photos and find them. I do this myself and stalk loads of my family online. There is no getting away from me then I set up a fake profile and add them so I can see their page lol.

I see what you are saying herbeutitude but with porn on the net (of which in iself for adults I have no problem with so dont think should be banned) I really dont see how anything is going to minimise the ability to access it regardless of parental controls putting it in certain areas. the majority of young people are way better at using the computer than their parents so it isnt exactly difficult to outsmart them in that area.

You wouldnt allow a 15 year old to watch an 18 DVD so why would you let them on the net on their own to access whatever they like? Also yeah they can access it at friends but that is minimising the amount of time they have to do it and they wont be engaging in adult activities such as webcam if all their mates are there with them.

As I said I wasnt allowed to do loads but I still did it all (I probably did it worse in fairness) but if you talk to them about stuff then they will be more likely to respect you rather than the we dont like porn, we dont think you should have sex at this age approach as your kids wont listen to a word you say and will be complete rebels.

sunny2010 · 05/10/2010 22:09

A ten year old on the internet on their own I think is severe neglect by the parents personally. Regardless of if it was the kids parents or a friend of the kids parents.

You wouldnt ban alcohol because some trampy mum/dad had left it out for their kid to drink. You would just blame the parents and that is what I think about porn personally.

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:10

So what are you saying Sunny?

That we should just lay down and allow the pornographers to dictate how a generation of westerners sees and does sex?

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:12

I think millions of ten year olds seeing porn is neglect by a whole society.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2010 22:13

sunny...you don't think then that society as a collective has any responsibilty at all??

yes, you are a vigilant parent who wouldn't let your 10yo unsupervised on a pc with no controls

so am I

but I worry about all the vulnerable kids whose parents are unintereted in/are unable to police their activiies so closely

I would like a society that doesn't give 10yo's the opportnity to access this kinds stuff in the first place

Malificence · 05/10/2010 22:14

Sunny, when I say you have extreme views on what is acceptable sexually, I mean the fact that you like to perform sexually on camera for people other than your husband and that you like to watch others have live sex - that's not monogamy, no way.

I too have been married since the age of 18, my DH and me have only ever had sex with each other and we don't ( and never have) use porn, hence all our sexual behaviour is natural and not influenced by the fakery of porn.

I'm actually very glad our DD is a grown woman now and is in a relationship with a very nice young man who treats her with the respect she deserves, if she was a young teen now I'd be very worried indeed.

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:14

How will "talking" to your DC's frankly and openly, prevent your dd's boyfriend from sending video of her and him having sex to his friends' mobile phones Sunny?

sunny2010 · 05/10/2010 22:16

I dont think that no but I think porn has a place for adults. As I have said numerous times on numerous threads far from all porn is male orientated. There are stuff for women and amateur is a huge sector which is very popular as it isnt fake, its lifelike, not extreme, isnt full of fake noises and involves normal people. There are many men and women that love porn but it isnt all the american fake shit that people always assume. I think you cant stop adults accessing porn as in some form it is watched by the vast majority of people. I dont think banning porn is the answer and dont think that there is any way to make it incredibly hard to get hold of when it comes to the net.

I think the internet is an adult thing and children under the age of 16 should be watched at all times when on it. I also think the same for tv and wouldnt allow an under 16 to watch tv in their room. I would however allow them to watch a program in front of me.

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:16

Sunny you are ignoring reality here: it doesn't matter what values we instil in our children, if they are moving in a society which undermines all our values (and they are), then we are utterly fucked. And so are they.

Which suits the pornographers fine.

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/10/2010 22:16

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dittany · 05/10/2010 22:17

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sunny2010 · 05/10/2010 22:18

'How will "talking" to your DC's frankly and openly, prevent your dd's boyfriend from sending video of her and him having sex to his friends' mobile phones Sunny?'

Well how on earth can you stop this ban pcs, mobile phones and social networking? Its impossible to ban the sharing of images.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2010 22:18

sunny, you and your children do not live in a vacuum

sunny2010 · 05/10/2010 22:19

'Frankly, if you have to stalk your own family online using a fake persona you aren't in any position to comment on normative adult relations. Normal people don't stalk their own relatives using false names. Either you are friends with them or you aren't.'

Yeah I am friends with them but my cousin is 16 so just the whole family does it. There are ways around most things and I know a lot of them Wink

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:20

Sunny "I think x should happen" ignores what does happen.

What does happen, is that our children are being exposed to porn from a young age and it is warping their views of what sex is and should be.

As it happens I agree with you on some things. X Y and Z should happen. However, our children are going to be moving in a world where for many of their peers - or at least the most vocal of them - the "early adopters" so beloved of marketers - are calling the shots re attitudes and behaviour. You cannot ignore the outside influences that our teenagers are going to be so vulnerable to. Putting the onus on each individual family in the country to solve the pornification of our society, is not realistic, not fair and not do-able. It needs a collective solution and it needs legislation.

And you still haven't answerd the basic question about whether you are in favour of the pornification of our culture.

dittany · 05/10/2010 22:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:23

"Well how on earth can you stop this ban pcs, mobile phones and social networking? Its impossible to ban the sharing of images."

Why do you think boys think it is acceptable and reasonable behaviour to share images like this Sunny? Do you not think it just might have something to do with the porn culture?

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/10/2010 22:24

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HerBeatitude · 05/10/2010 22:26

You know what else struck me about the programme? That teh double standard is still alive and well.

The discussion about the girl whose image having sex referenced "girls like that". There was no mention of the boy being a social outcast for having done something as nasty and indeed criminal.

This is sexual liberation? For whom?

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