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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

working mothers

135 replies

novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:02

The company I work for is signed up with 'wellbeing works' - this is part of our 'benefits' and there are helplines you can use etc. Every week they send out an email, usually with articles about health, stress in the workplace, your workplace rights etc. I have already had to complain to them once this year about an article entitled 'Rape: don't become another statistic' warning women not to drink too much or give off mixed messages to male colleagues in the pub Hmm

Now today I see [[http://eu.healthinsite.net/ContentViewerPane/ContentViewerPane.aspx?cookie=2100001605&Content=5914&ContentType=2
this little gem]] about working mothers and how to deal with having to spend nights away from your family.

I don't know where to start really, there are just SO MANY things in there that make my blood boil. Would anyone like to kick off? And any input into the complaint email I'll be sending this afternoon would be welcomed too!

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 10/09/2010 10:03

I can't read the link unfortuntely - it's giving me an error message.

happysmiley · 10/09/2010 10:07

Same here, can't use the link. Did they respond to your complaint about the rape "advice"?

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/09/2010 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:18

sorry, I am just going to cut and paste it here:

---------

When Mommy's miles away

IN BRIEF: If you are a working mom who travels, you're probably riddled with guilt. And although you've laid out schedules, cooked meals, orchestrated back-up plans and drilled emergency numbers into every family member's memory, you still have guilt gnawing at your conscience and impending goodbyes twisting your gut.

A few simple ideas can help your children (and your hubby!) get through those lonely and stressful days without you.

Prepare your family in advance. Don't spring it on them at the last minute. Tell your family, particularly your children, well in advance that you are going away for a while. If your children are very young, mark off the dates when you will be leaving and returning on a calendar. Also show them where you'll be going on a map or pictures of the place, and chat to them about what you will be doing there

Prepare meals in advance. As a child who had to eat greasy, corner-shop hamburgers for three days straight (barring breakfast, of course) while my mom had to go to hospital, I'm begging you: please prepare meals in advance and freeze them. Munching on mommy's meals will remind them of how much you love them, and won't put them off hamburgers for life!

Write everything down. Write down important arrangements, appointments, emergency names and numbers. Also make a copy of your itinerary and the name of the place you will be staying at, with the room and telephone number. Leave these documents in a central place and make sure everybody knows where to find it

Leave little love notes. These are great for husbands and children. Slip a little "I love you" or "I miss you" into a lunch box or under a pillow, it's always nice to hear

Keep in touch. Technology has made it so much easier to stay in touch. So use your cell to phone home or send an email. If you have a web-cam, you can even send a little virtual kiss. Alternatively, there are many free e-cards available online

Record yourself. This is particularly great for young children (and, once again, for husbands!). Record yourself reading your child's favourite bedtime story. Your child will love turning the pages to your voice while you're away. You could also leave little recorded (tape or video) messages for each day you'll be gone

Hide some treasures. Also great for the whole family. Hide some gifts, chocolates, notes or tapes before you go. Leave a treasure map or send hints via email or SMS. You could also give them hints when you talk to them on the phone

Make arrangements for important events. If you're going to miss an important event, make an arrangement to see it one way or another. Ask your husband to tape it for you, or request for example, that you go to a rehearsal or practice session

Ask your child to pack a personal reminder. Whether it's a drawing, a toy or a photo of the two of you together, your child will love the idea of packing something that will remind you that he or she is at home waiting for you. It will also make the hotel room a little warmer

Little reminders that you love them will make the time pass quicker. And if you've ever felt under-appreciated or haven't yet received that medal for being a doing-it-all mom, be assured that you will feel the appreciation the second you walk through the front door.

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonKrumm · 10/09/2010 10:21
StewieGriffinsMom · 10/09/2010 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minipie · 10/09/2010 10:25

Oh. My. God.

I think my fingernails just gouged a chunk out of my desk.

jamaisjedors · 10/09/2010 10:27

omg Shock

minipie · 10/09/2010 10:29

Suggestion for your complaint email.

They need to print the exact same article for men. Immediately.

If they say no, ask them WHY precisely their article only applies to women.

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:30

OMFG!

So.... you should be complaining to your company, at the highest level, that these people are sending offensive sexist material to your work email.

And point out that if anything, this is going to undermine the effectiveness of their female employees by encouraging them to take an undue share of the domestic burden in their household !

part of your benefits indeed - lmao!

TheCrackFox · 10/09/2010 10:32
Shock

Was this written in the 1950s?

Good point minipie they need to re-write the article for dads.

Snorbs · 10/09/2010 10:32

For fuck's sake. That is quite a substantial lump of offensive bollocks.

azazello · 10/09/2010 10:32

I'm speechless. This is absolutely appalling. Infuriating shite. Please complain.

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:34

thing is, even if you don't feel guilty as a working mum then all the constant chipping away telling you that you should feel guilty makes you feel equally bad. I used to worry a bit that I wasn't properly attached to my children because I didn't feel guilty about working away from home!

novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:35

I am busy writing my complaint at the moment - I will share when I've finished so I can get your comments before I send it.

Aside from the 'OMG am I working at Sterling Cooper?' feeling, I actually think the piece is mainly offensive to the thousands of hands-on dads who are more than capable of looking after their own kids and cooking a meal Hmm

OP posts:
sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:36

excellent point Novicemama, my dh would have been furious.

What sector do you work in? Have you thought of leaking this to your trade magazine (anonymously of course....)

slug · 10/09/2010 10:37

I'd also complain that it was obviously cut and pasted from an American publication. "Mommy" FFS, in the UK it's Mummy

notquitenormal · 10/09/2010 10:39
Hmm

How patronising.

It's a business trip, not trekking the fucking Andes.

edam · 10/09/2010 10:40

Good grief! Your employers are actually paying someone to come up with this shit? Suggest they review the contract. Not only horribly sexist but all the idiots are doing is cutting and pasting stupid, cliched, sub-Hallmark cards comments from websites. And not even bothering to re-write it for employees in Britain.

EleFunTess · 10/09/2010 10:41

The writers should be shot just for use of the word 'hubby'.

Vile.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/09/2010 10:42

Typical American schmalzy claptrap. "Munching on Mommies meals" ffs - do no Dad;s cook....

And lumping in hubby as another kid who can't manage a day on his own......

Is there a similar lecture for Dads who spend the night away from home.....

CMOTdibbler · 10/09/2010 10:49

It's this kind of codswallop that reinforces the view that travelling for work when you are a mother is a Bad Thing.

DH manages perfectly well without me - no need for me to cook and leave meals (what an insult to him to say he'd feed our ds burgers all the time)

And DS manages to cope without me without pictures of where I am - he knows I get on a plane and then do working, and I'll phone/email then return. All their suggestions just makes it into a bigger thing than it is

Ooh, I'm just fuming at this in total

novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:52

My response below. Do you have anything to add (which is printable)?

-----

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about an article published in this week?s ?wellbeing works? email entitled When Mommy?s Away (attached)

The whole premise of the piece is sexist. There are a series of underlying assumptions throughout the article which are at best outdated and at worst downright offensive, as follows:

  1. That family issues arising from parents working away from home only affect working mothers and not working fathers
  1. That working mothers should and do feel guilty for working, and particularly for undertaking work which requires nights away from home
  1. That working mothers are entirely responsible for the health and wellbeing of their husband and family, even when they are not there
  1. That when it comes to domestic tasks and childcare, working fathers are useless and are nothing more than overgrown children. This is an insult to the vast majority of fathers who are perfectly capable of looking after their own children, doing domestic chores, remembering appointments etc

The article seems to have been cut and pasted from an American publication (the use of ?Mommy? and ?hubby? throughout) and I am interested in hearing from you how you commission and edit the articles you distribute. I am also interested to hear from you why you think it is appropriate to differentiate between working mothers and working fathers in this way. I find articles such as this to be offensive and will be taking it up with my HR department.

Assuming that you do not agree with the sexist assumptions behind the article (which in this age of equality I hope you do not), I would suggest that the piece is completely re-written as advice for working parents of both genders.

I look forward to your response

OP posts:
sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:52

it is so undermining in so many ways.... Sad

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:53

top complaint Novicemama - v well written.