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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Would you like to play "It's like Feminisim never happened" with me?

472 replies

Marchpane · 03/09/2010 14:40

I have a gem: I'm sorting out the home insurance renewal but since the last policy I have taken redundancy and I'm going back to do a postgraduate course. Which I told them.

They now have my occupation listed as "housewife" which is pretty yuk, but under employer's business it say "domestic service".

Presumably my husband is my employer and I spend my time in servitude to him? Hmm

Any one more?

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/09/2010 15:16

ulla - my parents run a business, DF part time, DM full time, ergo she is in charge basically. The number of times she gets people coming in, looking past her and asking for "the boss" is incredible. She is not the sort of woman you want to talk down to!

blimey msr - how long ago?

getabloodygrip · 07/09/2010 15:18

Hey, but hats off to my builder who called today. Mostly he has been talking with DH re our project, which is fine by me - I have plenty else to do just now until kids are back at school. However, DH away, builder calls the house today, knowing DH was away and was just completely Oh yes, hello Mrs GABGrip, can I just run a couple of things past you.

Not even a hint of "oh it can wait til Mr GABGrip is home", not a sausage. I was quite impressed actually. Off to a good start there. Which is lucky at the beginning of a 6 month project that I am project managing once we kick off....

ullainga · 07/09/2010 15:29

Every now and then you get a gem when you least expect it. We had a handyman who came to measure some things and asked if it would be ok for him to come back next wednesday. So me and DH both grab our calendars to see if and who could take time off and he almost fainted: "You BOTH work??" (It was by the way quite obvious from our home that we did not have any kids so what I was even supposed to do at home is still a mystery to me). Then again, this was in Switzerland.

But the next day we went to a car dealer to buy me a car, still in Switzerland, and I was totally expecting to be offered coffee while the men talk about cars. But no, the salesman actually talked to me! Looked at me and answered my questions! Amazing. And did not even raise an eyebrow when I said that I will pay and the car will be on my name.

It's so sad though that this kind of behaviour is not the norm, but an exception..

ladyharriet · 07/09/2010 15:34

I'm always surpried at how many people completely miss the point of Ms. Had a very well-educated, otherwise 'right-on' (sorry, I hate that expression) man tell me that Ms was only used by unmarried women. I've also filled in more than one form that only had Mrs and Ms, not Miss. It's like they think that Ms. is just a jazzy re-spelling of Miss for the modern young lady. Confused

Ephiny · 07/09/2010 15:44

Some women do change from Ms to Mrs when they get married though, which is their right and everything, but may be confusing the issue a bit for other people...

mrspir8 · 07/09/2010 21:38

A few years ago, a old colleague of mine was getting married

Her "I cant wait to give up work once Im married"

Me: "Oh really, how come are you planning a family?"

Her: No I am just going to give up work and Martin* will support me now that I am his wife"

Me: "Wow, I wish I could afford to give up work"

Her: Oh we cant really afford it, but Martin wont have any woman of his out working. It's the man's job to be the breadwinner.

I really was aghast.

*not his real name-at least I hope not!

Original poster
Marchpane · 07/09/2010 22:28

In the bank (again) opening an account for newborn ds.

Banker: occupation
Me: Manager
Banker: How come you're not in work?
Me: I'm on maternity leave
Banker: That's, like, unemployed then?
Me: No. I am on leave.
Banker: But you're not at work?!
Me: No. I'm on maternity leave. It's a bit like when you go on annual leave but for longer. And I'm still on full pay if you're interested
Banker: Oh

OP posts:
everythingiseverything · 07/09/2010 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zazen · 08/09/2010 00:53

LOL *names have been changed evrythingiseverything!! WinkGrin

msrisotto · 08/09/2010 08:48

WTF is this with all the married women giving up work stories? Is this the 1950s?

Xenia · 08/09/2010 09:39

I know one who just has too. What is surprising is that men are happy with that.

msrisotto · 08/09/2010 09:41

Yeah, I know my OH is very much looking forward to our dual income! (am student at the mo)

TakeLovingChances · 08/09/2010 12:24

Tbh, my experience is that more women sneer when I tell them I play to finish my degree and head back to work after I finish maternity leave. Men always seem fine with it.

I'm a mature student doing a vocational degree. Got pregnant at end of 1st year, now taking full year out with DC as mat leave and 100% intend to return next semester. I want to do my degree and to work at the end of it in my chosen field.

The amount of women who look at me with disbelief is high. My DH earns a far bit of money and I'm constantly asked why I'm "bothering" to do a degree at all, esp now we have DS.

Ummm, because I actually want to use my brain for something other than being a mum and wife?

Don't understand why that's so difficult to grasp.

Omarlittlest · 08/09/2010 15:22

Our little girl has my surname and indeed partly for feminist reasons . On my side there are only girls - weirdly all sisters and girls cousins and the only uncle who never had kids. And so i felt like my name was going to disappear if i didn't keep it on somehow. Also DH has a dutch name which doesn't translate very well. His family have been okay about it partly cos they have load of other males to keep that name going. Don't people feel a bit sad about the loss of their identity or their own family line - why as women in 2010 do we have to give that up - i actually really like my surname....

The other thing i find weird on the name thing is that my sister got married twice and now her children have different surnames- whereas if they had just stuck with hers it would be nice and simple and consistent .

And yes even though i am married i still go by Ms always did .

JudgeJudithSheindlin · 08/09/2010 16:50

thread

FFS! Angry

VintageGardenia · 08/09/2010 16:56

LOL at Martin who wouldn't have "any woman of his out working". I really can't believe there are still goons like this about. It's even more amazing that people marry them though.

JudgeJudithSheindlin · 08/09/2010 16:59

Sorry This thread

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/09/2010 17:26

posted there JJS!

TheSmallClanger · 08/09/2010 22:50

Gardenia, I don't know how they do it, either. One of my friends is married to a complete goomba, and is starting to be influenced by him too much for comfort. Last time she was at my house, she made a comment about me not picking up DH's tea cups from the floor, claiming that "surely when you love someone, you don't mind doing things for them?" By that token, DH should show me he loves me by not leaving stuff lying around for me to trip over! (It's not a huge issue, btw, and I have actually been married about 4x as long as my friend).

Also, another one related to my old car: when DH and I got married, a whole string of previously sensible people kept wanting to know when I was going to get rid of my Impreza, despite the fact that I needed it to get to work, I loved driving it and DH liked to have the odd go, as well. No-one ever suggested that DH sell his car to fund the wedding/buy stuff for the house/save for the future.

Portofino · 09/09/2010 08:41

My exH said to me one day "Now we have been married a little while, it's about time you settled in to being a "proper wife" Confused! (I think his evil lovely Mother put him up to it.)

I enquired what he considered "proper wives" were like. Basically it involved NOT going to the pub, but dedicating myself to housework, cooking and maybe taking up needlework or something so we could chat round the fireside of an evening Shock! I was 23 FFS.

When I pointed out that this was not all my idea of a fun life, he gave me an ultimatum Shock Angry. Basically - do it or leave! I went and started packing.

He wasn't expecting that response, so queue phone call to his mother, who came straight round and told me how she never liked me, wasn't good enough for her son etc etc.

I had a very lucky escape! He had seemed quite normal up til that point, but maybe the model aeroplanes should have given me a hint....

The sad thing was that my very independant, and strong willed GM (after years of telling me how important my education was), upon hearing the news told me that I was "lucky" to have found myself a husband and that I should just "put up with it" like she'd had too. Sad

mummytime · 09/09/2010 09:06

On surnames, I kept mine. My kids have their fathers, and mine as a middle name so they can double barrel later. One because mine was a pig for me to learn to spell, and also because I think maternity is obvious (I have witnesses - doctors and midwives) paternity is a bit less obvious.
My SIL (whose daughter's are being somewhat retrograde and were referred to as Mrs Joe Bloggs at their weddings, and both times got my name wrong on the place names) suggested we alternate which surname the kids have. That one struck me as bizarre.
My DH is quite excited at the thought of me earning when I qualify too. Although I haven't quite pointed out just how much doing the qualification has cost, if so I think he'd be even happier.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 09/09/2010 09:07

Bloody hell Porto - did you leave there and then? Interesting about your grandmother :( I think there is often an element of envious "well I changed my name/iron his socks/have his dinner on the table at 6/call him Your Majesty so why shouldn't you?" from other women, which is sad.

Portofino · 09/09/2010 10:06

I left more or less immediately Grin Well within a couple of days. ExDH soon found a 16 yo school girl to replace me! I went round there to sign some papers and found her doing the washing up! Hmm Lord, I wanted to shake some sense into her!

My grandmother unfortunately hasn't changed. I have a reasonably good career and was the main wage earner for years, but she only ever asks about how I keep on top of the washing. Hmm DH recently got promoted and she is gushing with praise for "how well he is doing". She is "so proud" etc etc. She has NEVER once said that to me!

Ephiny · 09/09/2010 10:31

WTF is going on with that 'housewives in pinnies' campaign, that's a special kind of awful Shock

Glad to see plenty of people over there agree it's a bit weird/demeaning.

JudgeJudithSheindlin · 09/09/2010 10:52

It's bizarre isn't it? I expected better of MNHQ