Would you like to play "It's like Feminisim never happened" with me?

[Marchpane]

I have a gem: I'm sorting out the home insurance renewal but since the last policy I have taken redundancy and I'm going back to do a postgraduate course. Which I told them.

They now have my occupation listed as "housewife" which is pretty yuk, but under employer's business it say "domestic service".

Presumably my husband is my employer and I spend my time in servitude to him?

Any one more?

I had a boss who, come 14th February, left a red rose on the desk of every female employee.

Um, thanks .

When I was still working FT,I was stopped by a market researcher who wanted to talk about our food buying habits...

Me: Well,there's no point in you talking to me - my husband does all the shopping.

Her: Oh - he picks up the extra bits if you've forgotten something?

Me: No - he does all the shopping...

Her:So,sometimes he shops if you've been busy?

Me:No,he does all the shopping. He shops - I don't...

At this point she called over to her colleagues "this lady's husband does all the shopping" Cue group of amazed faces!

I hated shopping,and he couldn't be less bothered.He used to clean the kitchen floor while I was at work too,which amazed my colleagues.

I work full time in a demanding job in a male dominated job and am the main bread winner. I have to work 'on call', some evenings and occasionally nights too.

The amount of people who have asked 'who's looking after your boys?' in concerned tones when I'm at work at the weekend or evenings is truly amazing. Sometimes, (when I'm really not in the mood) I tell them 'No one. I thought they could sort themselves out' (they're 6 and 10 so clearly not!!) or the truth 'DP (their Dad)' (of course).

I am quite sure DP has never been asked who's looking after his sons when he's out and about!!

I rarely get any of this but it's important if people do that they do challenge the people who are sexist otherwise it will never stop.

two people The form is Form LA1: here

This year we took a longer than usual holiday for family reasons using saved leave/unpaid leave etc. Had questions "was your husband able to get this amount of time off too?". Clearly assumed his work/time more important and that he would be missed from the workplace more than me and that it was unreasonable for him to prioritise his family?

Biggest shocker was when DS no 3 started primary school and was fussy about lunches. Right on teacher told my DP about DS not eating and said " I will have to have a word with his mum about this." DP said "Why? I am here and I do all the school pick ups". She ignored him. She later left teaching so she could "be a real mummy." That went down very well with the working mums.

Sorry mammamango but I have to disqualfy your entry on the basis that it's not sexism but the 1992 Cheque Act you have an issue with. According to the act you can only pay a cheque into an account which has the same name on it as that on the account.

As you were...

I think it's the bemused "but why don't you just change your name" that is the sexist bit. Explaining about the Cheque Act = not sexist. Assuming that you have no good reason to retain your name and should change it just to banking cheques from people who can't remember your name more easily = sexist.

When I was deciding whether to do a PhD or take a job, (I was offered both) my dad said "what's the point in doing a PhD now you've got married as you'll be having kids anyway?"
(a number of years later I now have 3 dcs, am wohm but dh is a sahd... with a PhD)

When I confronted my boss about promoting (without an interview) a man with equal experience to me (despite my mat leave), whilst not doing the same for me because of supposed financial constraints "well there's no need to promote women as they tend not to push as much for it, and besides, you've been on mat leave".

Marchpane - you can get 'other names known by' put on an account though, including your husband's name.

Recently rang up a local school to enquire about open days and prospectuses and was asked by the (female) head if I was married!! My astonished 'I'm sorry?!' at the question prompted lots of mumbled bullshit about children not always having the same name as parents these days, blah blah.

An honest 'who will be paying the school fees?' would have been far less insulting. And the dozy cow still didn't remember to send a prospectus.

Getting other names known by on an account is not common because of the anti-money laundering regulations these days. Which is a shame because it is now reduced cheque banking to a game of "spot the difference" and in the old days the bank manager could exercise a degree of discretion.

I don't think it's sexist to ask people to make sure cheques crossed a/c payee only match the name on the account. The bank has no discretion if the issuing bank asks for the money back.

Having said all that working in banking for over a decade means I expect cashiers to talk to me like a moron and I've found dh gets the same shoddy treatment

Agree with prof that not understanding why a woman wouldn't change her name is sexist but I didn't get that from the post as being the issue. I could quite easily be wrong of course and accept my view may have been clouded by previously bring screamed at by a woman shouting "I am dr " which would have been fine except her account was in miss and I couldn't have cared less about her gender, marital status or whatever... just the deep shit I'd be if I knowingly broke the law.

I got papped by a speed camera and went on a speed awareness course 2 weeks ago. At the start the blokey went through his 'housekeeping' stuff - where the fire exits are etc, plus 'racist, sexist etc behaviour will not be tolerated' type stuff. He then proceeded to play various awful videos, including one from the 70s with Jimmy Saville doing the whole clunk click every trip thing. It went all, 'even ladies of they're on the school run or going shopping need to use their seat belts'. This really pissed me off, especially as yer man had just been on about sexism! I moaned about it to some of the other women on the course and they looked at me like I was mad. I mean, yes it was old, and yes his hair was hilarious, but still.

On the flip side, I was heartily ashamed of myself when one of the women mentioned having to drive a lot as she worked from various airports. As she was fairly young, all dressed up with immaculate make up and generous self tan, I assumed she was cabin crew (OK, and on some level probably becasue she's a woman), but she's a pilot. I was surprised, I hate to admit.

Oh, and working ft I get all the 'what do you do with dd' questions too, and the surprise that dh is allowed to leave work at 3 to pick her up from school. And people always assume I'll be at home for the school holidays, and friends get all miffed when I can't arrange anything with them.

My dh bosses wife said when she heard I had got a job (I'd just finished uni) "its nice to have a bit of pin money."
A man at work wont write Ms (persons last name) because "you only write Ms for a lesbian".

This highly entertaining thread's too long to read in one go - I'm replying to the Christmas Dinner posts around page six. The Grandads are missing out a very important part of this ritual! As their reward for doing all the cooking on the 25th, the women all went to the pub together on Boxing Day and got bladdered The men had to stay home & feed the kids, wash up & put away, bed down the DCs ... then go to the pub after closing time, to help their legless wives home

Got this from an elderly lady - in the pub. She's sort of famous in the village, for the Boxing Day she passed out in the loo, getting her head wedged under the door as she fell.

Ms gives me no end of trouble. In the way back when, I voted for the pronunciation "Mistress" - because it's a pronounceable word and, as the exact female equivalent of Mister, is what Ms actually stands for. I know the "Mistress" vote was hefty, but don't know who was responsible for the final choice.
Was it a man??

[many years ago]
Customer: I want to speak to the credit controller!
Me: yes, that's me, how can I help?
Customer: No, I want to speak to Mr Ahead, his name's on this letter.
Me: That's me, I'm the credit controller, I sent you this letter.
Customer: ??? No, I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MAN!
Me: Gary, can you come over here please? Gary is our box boy. He is a man. I am the credit controller. Which of us would you like to discuss your arrears with?

[more recently]
Lady at JobCentre: Is that Miss or Mrs?
Me: ???!! Miz.
Her: Oh, I haven't got a Ms. Sorry.
Me: You're kidding? No Ms?
Her: Umm, no, are you married?
Me: Does your system need to know if I'm married?
Her: Not really, I was just trying to help ...
Me: [resisting temptation to snarl that I know the significance of MRS] ... Thanks. So are you putting Miss or Mrs?
Her: It's not for me to say, can you give me an answer please?
Me: Oh, put what you like.
Her: Miss, then.

[very recently]
Guy from mobile company: Is that Mrs?
Me: Miz.
Him: Uhhh ... Ah, marital status? [reads list of options]
Me: Divorced.
Him: [audibly relieved] Ah, Ms then!

Ah titles!

What purpose do they really serve? Can't we do away with them completely, except for keeping Dr, Professor, Reverend etc for those who who have earned them.

Why is it necessary to have a title which defines gender?

Why is it only women who 'must' have a title which (apparently) defines their marital status.

I genuinely prefer to completely ignore my title and use firstname lastname, so don't give a title unless forced to, where I would probably put 'Miss' as I am not married (online forms etc). Sometimes you don't get the choice of Miss and only Ms. I get addressed equally as Miss Mrs or Ms and they all annoy me for one reason or another. Being referred to as Miss Lastname at 37 seems a bit 'childish'. Mrs because I am not Mrs Lastname (my mum is). I don't really have a problem with Ms apart from it causes others to perceive me as something I am not (divorced or rampant man hater) but then I don't particularly care what others think. If am I asked if it is 'Miss Mrs or Ms' I would like to say 'none' but that gets you nowhere as the questionner is usually someone who is filling in some kind of electronic form which is forcing them to enter something.

This recent story is the reason I despair

In summary a headteacher at a Scottish school kept the girls back at assembly to tell them their short skirts were distracting the boys, and the girls should be more 'responsible'.

Blimey Chrysanthemum, what a twunt. Buy that man a ticket to afghanistan quick.

I signed up for a direct debit to a charity and it had the option to leave your title blank, so I did.

I now get letters that address me simply as 'Dear Surname' - it feels like getting school reports!

I've found that since having a child I get addressed as Mrs by default, whereas it used to be Miss. And I thought I looked less haggard...

In my last year of school (1992) you wore non-uniform as long as it was 'suitable for an office environment', ie no trainers, miniskirts etc. This was interpreted by our housemaster as 'you can wear short skirts as long as you've got good legs', arguing that this distinction would be good grounding for later life!

everythigniseverything Germany and france both use the married for all adults now married or not. (a bit like the proper use for MS.)

Fraulein/Mademoiselle are both proper retro are they not?

Which I think is preferable to still being miss/ mrs as a grown up.

BTW I'm American and have only stopped using Ms since moving to England as it seemed to be much too confusing for everyone that I was 20 and a Ms. (No, I'm not divorced, it doesn't mean that. It means it is none of your business, thank you.)