I'm struggling. I had a career, I stopped it around the time I had children. Naively, before dd was born, I assumed that I'd go back to work, nursery would be great, and all would be normal.
I did go back, but I didn't factor in a) that my brain was focused almost solely on my baby, that I may never get back the focus I was capable of before pregnancy; b) that dh's annoying inability to see dust would not get better, leaving me to assume the role of either sole housekeeper or shrew, despite many, many attempts to get him to take some fucking responsibility for his own environment; c) that my salary would pay for childcare (just) but there would be a net gain to the family of zero.
Of course some of these things I should have thought of. I couldn't predict a). b) is less my responsibility and more of a character flaw in DH that I now have to live with. c) I should have known but nobody spelled it out to me, frankly. I wish it was more talked about.
I was offered redundancy when the children were little and I took it. The change was refreshing. The dcs were small enough that I didn't feel I had to be a housekeeper, they were a mass of activity. Now they're at school and I just think: through no choice of my own, I have ended up responsible for ALL the childcare, cooking and cleaning - with the odd bit of 'help' from DH - while his career has grown and grown. A 'proper job' would require big changes in our family.
It was never meant to happen this way. I never wanted to do this, I never tried to do it, and I am ashamed that I have ended up being an unhappy stereotype. If the answer were as simple as 'get a job' then I wouldn't be asking here. I do some work from home already, and love the satisfaction and the money. But I am still not 'me.'
Is it the case that you don't get the 'privilege' (is it still a privilege?) of fulfilment and satisfaction without the childcare input from your family, or the hard cash that'll pay for a nanny? How have others got round this?