Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

Have a shower in the morning.

This is the second thread recently to mention a "wet dog" smell

Does he not like you breastfeeding? Could this be a way to get you to stop?

He doesn't do school run because large crowds of people make him incredibly anxious and he's not a beat around the bush kind of person. I think it comes from his autism. He's a nice guy he just doesn't know how to articulate "you smell like wet dog" in a way that would seem nice.

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I’ve heard people say that Fussy deodorant smells unpleasant and also doesn’t work well. Maybe your school run ‘activates’ it and DH particularly dislikes the smell. Try Dove roll on instead. And have a quick shower in the morning while DH looks after the children.

If the older child has only recently started school, there wouldn't have been a "school run" involving a brisk early morning walk before now.

That's the thing that is different, not feeding a baby, as husband is focussing on.

Hopefully you've also realised and accepted that nice guys don't tell their wife they stink like a dog, even if there is a problem, and it's not being straightforward it's just cruel and rude.

A close family member is also autistic, but he's not rude. Rudeness is just part of your personality and is not activated by autism. There are very empathetic, polite and kind autistic people and then there are rude ones who are lower empathy.

Telling you that you stink like a wet dog is a choice, and is rude.

Bet he manages to articulate difficult conversations at work in a different way

Yes! I get exactly this from my DH after he runs, and occasionally the DC also. It isn't a sweaty smell at all, and although it isn't exactly like wet dog either, that's the easiest way to explain it. I'm not sure exactly what causes it but it's worse when it's cold and damp. It seems to be a combination of exertion, clothing and damp, cold air. He doesn't smell at all if he's worked out inside, even when he's dripping with sweat. It's a really, really unpleasant smell, I can't stand it. Interestingly I also loathe the smell of laundry that has been dried on the line outside, even though that is supposed to be a pleasant smell.

I agree the OP"s DH doesn't sound terribly polite about it, but he's not necessarily making this up.

Yep!

I'm sure I can't be the only person who tells their husband they smell (when they do) and vice versa. DH told me my breath stank the other day - I'm glad he did! Made my brush my teeth again before I left for the gym.

I've also told him when he has awful breath or smells of the outside. That's what you do in a relationship, be honest with each other!

I don't think he is being mean if he's decent in every other way.

It wouldn't be kind to ignore it if he can smell you.

I'd be trying to give your coat a wash in case it's something there. Or do you wear a scarf or anything else that might get damp and give off that smell?

What type of fabrics do you wear? Is it any clothes or specific ones? Are they being dried fast enough? He seems to focus in your jumpers so I'd be washing those with Dettol to be sure.

Are you leaking milk and then it's getting warm as you walk?

It could be a combination that he's both sensitive and you have a slightly odd odour from hormonal changes.

There's a herb or spice (which I knew which one) which leeches out of my husband. It's horrible. He doesn't smell ordinarily but if he eats out and it is present, ughh, I can't stand it. I haven't worked out what it is yet though and it happens so infrequently I forgot until the next time!

Is it maybe leaky milk drying on clothes?

Breast milk does have a distinctive smell and that phase of my life was punctuated with that smell being on a lot of stuff as my eldest had colic and would chuck the milk back up straight after the feed. The difference is my partner was involved, probably also smelt and never once claimed ‘I stank’, as he’s not a cunt.

I wonder if it's your coat and it smells when it warms up on the school run, but not generally, damp can be if something has been wet and taken ages to dry, that can happen with a coat. Your jumper would also be the thing in most contact with a coat. Might be worth washing your coat and jumper with that anti bac laundry cleanser stuff, DH uses it on his gym gear which stinks and it works well.

The other thing to mention is when I'd just had ds and was breastfeeding, I did smell different, I was still showering every day, I have a really keen sense of smell, DH couldn't smell it but I could, it was kind of a musty smell. I assumed it was hormonal because it calmed down after a few months. I used to drive DH mad saying can't you smell that? He would just look at me bemused. His sense of smell is poor though and ds and I now can often smell things he can't.

Then he needs to learn to. Autism isn't an excuse to treat people badly, especially his wife and the mother of his baby. Many autistic people have to work harder at social interaction, but they manage.

What about washing in the morning rather than the night before, as you might be sweating a lot in your sleep and then getting the cold sweats when your up and about.

washing the nights sweat off in the morning might be more effective.
your husband should be able to tell you the truth in a way that friends might not. Especially as he will be getting more up close and personal.

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Is it the smell of outdoors combined with the smell of your coat? I can often smell a bit of niff off DH or DCs when they have been out walking the dog. It soon dissipates but when they come in but at first my nose receives it as a bit unpleasant.

Can't he take baby on school run while you shower?

It's probably the outside he can smell on you, the difference between your house/bed smell and the outside smell.

Tell him to come with you in the school run, bet that you don't smell then. Every house has a smell and the outside has a smell. He's just picking up on that.

Other people may not be telling the truth. I’ve known two cases like this and one of them had a very strong smell. Pungent, trust.

@Jez2510 you’ve had a lot of great suggestions but maybe it’s just hormonal and he has to cope. Or if he’s that bothered, help you more with the baby while you get an extra shower.

The wet dog smell often comes from clothes that haven’t dried properly. Or when you’re a little bit swampy

He won't do the school run.

What is he doing to address his problems?