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Original poster

Husband says I stink

354 replies

Jez2510 · 28/01/2025 00:35

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

OP posts:
BoldAmberDuck · 29/01/2025 21:39

MarvellousMonsters · 29/01/2025 18:44

@Jez2510
"He usually has to leave shortly after the school run is done so hasn't got time to wait with baby while I have a wash."

I think he should do the school run on his way to work. Then you aren't rushing around getting flustered, and can sit and feed the baby into a milk-coma and have a shower in peace.

Exactly x

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 29/01/2025 22:00

Brinkley22 · 29/01/2025 20:09

I am really perturbed by your post. The only thing which would make it anywhere near okay would be if your DH has sensory sensitivities and is particularly sensitive to smell… maybe. How does he let you know : is it with love and concern or does he seem irritated/ grossed out?
Some men feel really rejected by both mother and new baby and threatened by the closeness and intimacy in the breastfeeding relationship…. I wonder if this is a passive aggressive way of attacking brestfeeding?

and Jesus! When I was 15 weeks postpartum I was lucky to get a shower in once a week and my hair washed ever! I was in baggy arsed joggers with my boobs hanging out and hairy armpits and legs. My sole focus was on feeding my baby; I forgot about everything else. If anyone had told me I stank I would have punched them! In fact my DM told me that I needed to pluck hairs which were sprouting on my chin and I told her that I didn’t give a fuck about chin hair as I was very busy keeping a person alive by myself!

you are doing a magical and wonderful job… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

Edited

As I recall, I was easily able to have a shower by taking the baby to the bathroom with me, either in their Moses basket when they were very little, or in their little seat when they were bigger?

When it got more complicated was when I had more than one child in the house!

Lyraloo · 29/01/2025 22:18

Jez2510 · 28/01/2025 01:26

I'll definitely ask my friend again, she lives next door so I'll ask her to poke her head out and give me a sniff a couple days in a row lol he says it's me and then complains my jumper which I've taken off and hung up also smells.

Show quote history

Is it your coat?

DollydaydreamTheThird · 29/01/2025 22:54

Parentofaprincess · 28/01/2025 05:56

I see Mumsnet is still full of man haters 😂

There are a lot of men to hate😂

Loki64 · 29/01/2025 23:06

Women on mumsnet are always looking for reasons to bash men.

If i had a smell coming from me, I'd hope my husband would be honest enough to give me the heads up too!

pollymere · 29/01/2025 23:26

If he has ASD then it may be that he has Sensory Processing Disorder and he's a super-smeller. I can smell when people are unwell, especially family members.

It could be that you're giving off a smell related to breastfeeding. I used to notice a slightly sour smell on myself. Do get checked out for Bacterial Vaginosis though because that can cause a smell which would be more obvious if you'd got a bit warm but only a super-smeller would probably notice.

MyNDfamily · 30/01/2025 00:23

Hey OP, I'm autistic too, I have an extremely sensitive sense of smell. Could it be that your DH is just smelling something a lot more that most. Maybe the out doorsy smell you mention. It might not be strong enough for typical people to smell it, hence your friend not being able to? Just a thought. Ignore those who was re saying all this weird stuff about your DH. He just isn't playing a long to NT standards is all, he's not being mean. Men on the spectrum seem to be more blunt than women, but I slip up sometimes and we don't deserve all the accusations. Xx

meh2025 · 30/01/2025 00:38

Just a reminder that your husband telling you that you stink like a wet dog is deliberate rudeness and I absolutely guarantee 100 percent that he doesn't going around telling people at work similar things.

Whether you choose to put up with his rudeness or not is up to you.

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 30/01/2025 00:49

Loki64 · 29/01/2025 23:06

Women on mumsnet are always looking for reasons to bash men.

If i had a smell coming from me, I'd hope my husband would be honest enough to give me the heads up too!

Yes me too, I’d want my husband to be direct and honest. What’s the point in pussyfooting around, and if my husband stank I’d tell him right out.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/01/2025 01:00

Everyone gets BO postpartum it's to help your baby know it's you cuddling it it's for a beautiful reason. Tell your DH to F off

ErinBell01 · 30/01/2025 01:03

When he tells you that you smell just say, "No, I don't! I've just spoken to * and asked her if I smell and she says that I don't, so it must be in your imagination. I'm nor listening to you any more about it, I'm done with extra showers."

Flittingaboutagain · 30/01/2025 01:07

Please don't spray perfume as a breastfeeding mum it's not good to expose your baby to chemicals.

Assuming you don't have an infection I would think your husband has some kind of sensory issue and doesn't have the ability to identify or verbalise it accurately so you smell like wet dog is the best he can do. But it's about him not you.

Flittingaboutagain · 30/01/2025 01:08

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/01/2025 01:00

Everyone gets BO postpartum it's to help your baby know it's you cuddling it it's for a beautiful reason. Tell your DH to F off

I think OP says it's definitely not that kind of (very normal PP!) smell though?

Mervyco · 30/01/2025 02:08

Phantosmia (or phantasy smells) may be caused by a head injury or upper respiratory infection, such as bronchitis. It also can be caused by aging, trauma, temporal lobe seizures, inflamed sinuses, brain tumors, certain medicines and Parkinson's disease. Phantosmia also can result from long covid. Your husband should be checked out. As you have a young family aging and probably Parkinsons and temporal lobe seizures can be ruled out, but the others are possibilities

grace2025 · 30/01/2025 05:28

I think if you think he is genuine try to ask if it's coat/ boots/ skin etc as it seems to be about outside. Or breastmilk??

Towishwelltoall · 30/01/2025 08:36

"If your friends say you do not smell then your DH might have a sinus infection".
The above is quoted from an earlier comment from a wise person. What kind of a man is he? The wife is managing a (God Almighty, necessary for the human race) process of birth and infant care and there he is MOANING. Grow up, man!! 😁

AcadeMama · 30/01/2025 08:53

Tell him you've just had a baby and that this sort of thing isn't important. This is not your issue to solve OP. If he doesn't like it he needs to stop sniffing you. He might be going through a bit of a male menopause or just be extra sensitive to certain body smells/breastmilk. If he isn't willing to help while you shower he needs to stop this silly behaviour.

TwinklySquid · 30/01/2025 10:16

FictionalCharacter · 28/01/2025 01:43

There's no way "breastfeeding hormones" make you smell like a wet dog after the school run but not before. That just isn't a thing. Breastfeeding mothers don't smell. Yet he's managed to make you believe you stink and got you wondering how you can wash and clean yourself even more.

It's him not you. The fact that he's blaming it on you breastfeeding makes me suspect he's one of those pathetic manbabies who gets resentful when his wife breastfeeds, because he's jealous that the baby (his baby!) is getting his wife's attention and body.

No kind, decent person tells their partner they stink. If they smell of sweat or something else, you tell them kindly and help them fix it. You don't tell them they stink because they're breastfeeding.

This sounds like one of those stories were the woman drives herself mad all because a man is trying to lower her confidence.

I’ve never heard of a breastfeeding women smelling anymore than anyone else.

Bookworm39 · 30/01/2025 16:03

Whatever it is, it sounds like your husband is extra sensitive to it. It's very common to have sensory issues (either over sensitive or under sensitive) in people who have autism, which you've mentioned your husband has. My son is autistic and I've learnt a lot about sensory issues. He doesn't particularly react to smells, apart from an odd few that stick out for him, but I know other children who have massive issues with smells. His issues are noise (over sensitive) and movement (sensory seeking). Olfactory issues are definitely an issue to those who are sensitive to them and if he is, it is ealistic he can small them when others can't.

My mum had a similar smell at one point like a wet dog. She had a skin infection under her breasts and needed a steroid cream to clear it up. She did ask me to tell her if I could notice it and let her know. Sometimes I could smell it before she realised she had it, as it kept coming back so it was a good indicator.

I'd ask him to help you track it down to more specific things - i.e. If you take your clothes off is it you or clothes? Is it one specific thing, and always the same activity? Do you smell at other times after going out in the cold - for example can you try it at 11am on a weekend? May help you track it down. If not maybe a trip to the doctors to get checked out?

tiltingatwindmillsagain · 30/01/2025 17:37

Loki64 · 29/01/2025 23:06

Women on mumsnet are always looking for reasons to bash men.

If i had a smell coming from me, I'd hope my husband would be honest enough to give me the heads up too!

Would you hope he phrases it similar? (You stink like a wet dog)

BestBeforeddmmyy · 30/01/2025 17:39

He Sounds ghastly to me. I would go and ask the Gp if you smell. I think they will say that you do not smell. Husband sounds like he needs to help you a lot more than he does.

Shelley999 · 30/01/2025 17:53

Are you sure he's not trying to undermine your confidence and trying ways of controlling you. Breast feeding does not make you smell.
If you are following your usual hygiene routine and wearing clean clothes with breast pads if needed. Go visit your midwife and ask her to be honest about any smells. Which she will be.
Some men do things like this to get in your head

Youbutterbelieve · 30/01/2025 19:19

I'm going to go against the grain her.

I absolutely stank post partum. Was really grim. Even I could smell myself. My friends didn't say anything but my sister did. And I was glad!

It only lasted a few months (and I breastfed well past that) but using bar soap, several outfit changes a day and laundry sanitizer helped massively.

TylwythTeg · 30/01/2025 21:53

Sparklfairy · 28/01/2025 01:40

I think you need to hatch a plan with your friend tbh, as she lives next door. After the school run one day, have it pre-arranged that you pop into her place and use her shower. Have clean clothes to put on with you/already at her house. Then if he says it when you get back, at least you'll know for sure he's lying.

If he doesn't say it, the cause could be any number of things, but it must be driving you mad not even knowing 100% if it's true!

This is genius!

tiltingatwindmillsagain · 31/01/2025 07:39

2JFDIYOLO · 29/01/2025 10:50

Your original post merely said your husband told you you 'stink like a wet dog.' You received comments based entirely on what you had told us there.

If you'd not waited seven pages before drip feeding that he's autistic, if you'd included the info you added in your most recent post - you would have had different advice.

Lashing out at people on Mumsnet going entirely on what you said, plus their experience of men's behaviour, wasn't appropriate.

Exactly. It would of been simple enough to post “my husband has pointed out politely (well not really but you could lie) that I smell. What should I do?”

I do get a bit exasperated with OPs who make their partners sound like twats then get indignant when people comment that he sounds like a twat.