Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

My husband once told me my feet smelt. I felt humiliated but realise it was true. I ditched a few older pairs of shoes and took to applying Mitchum's deoderant to my feet at night and liberally applied some sweaty feet spray to my remaining shoes. I was careful to rotate my shoes and never wore the same pair two days running. I asked him afterwards about whether I had solved the problem and he was absolutely adamant that I had.

I have found Mitchum's antiperspirant really effective - I use the unscented one and sometime the men's unscented too. Deoderants are just a pleasant smell to try to mask sweat whereas antiperspirants stop sweat. Once when I had to spend a day giving evidence in the High Court with a really aggressive opposing party, I had a virtual carapace of Mitchum's and I didn't even have a damp armpit.

I have found that clothes which have been very slow to dry have a very unpleasant stale smell. Also, some clothes which smell okay after washing and drying seem to have something lurking ready to leap out as they get warm. Ironing my husband shirts was a perilous business. I found that spraying white vinegar on the armpits - use an ordinary spray bottle for ease of application - before washing dealt with the problem.

I think a quick 30 second shower in the morning before you do the school run and maybe a bit of white vinegar before washing your bras might help. Any leakage will be like a yoghurt left in a really warm place for 10 hours.

I don’t have advice on the other stuff but I stopped using fussy deodorant as I found it wasn’t doing the job for me. I’m not a sweaty person but by the end of the day I felt I smelt and needed to wash under my arms.

I really don’t think the dogs on the school run are the problem here 🤣

I would be honest with my friends that I'm worried about that (you dont need to say it was you DH who said it IF you don't want to) and for them yo please be honest.
Because I know someone who had surgery in their underarms to remove some glands or something because it made their sweat smell horrible.... so if it is your case (I'm not saying it is, and your DH could be nicer about it anyway), you could get it checked out....

Abuse often starts during or shortly after the birth of the first child a woman has with her partner.

Honestly, I think everyone needs to bathe in the morning. Bathing at night and then going to sleep in a pit of body sweat, possibly having sex, and then no shower is just a bit gross to me. I can imagine how it would be wet dog-ish.

Wake up and just fake 5 mins having a shower then. See if that makes a difference.

I do think your husband is being unnecessarily harsh, but… could it be your bras? I had special breastfeeding ones but my goodness, did I have to wash them frequently and low degree washes didn’t sort the problem either. So that’s the only thing I think it could be. I don’t think it’s a slow paced school run that’s the problem but for the time being I’d change bras daily and try to shower twice a day.

I hope your husband is supportive in other ways Op because he doesn’t come out great here. After everything you’ve gone through, all you are doing now this is his hill to die on.
Good luck

I'm also wondering if it could be the shoes you're wearing. I'm a bugger for keeping trainers that need a clean/insoles or are fit only for the bin.

I'm taking you at your word that he's being 'honest' not horrible but ask him to help you identify what it is rather than just lobbing insults.

If anything it might be your coat smelling old? Mine certainly needs a clean.

im sure its not you though! And I hope your husband is being kind to you. It’s hard having a baby

One strike and you're out?

What a ridiculous thing you've posted.

If he has to leave "shortly after the school run", that's great timing. He can DO the school run - taking baby along for the walk or ride - during which interval you can have a lovely shower in peace.

:)

We tell each other in our family if anyone smells. It's not a bad thing at all if it's done within otherwise good relationships.

Wear a different coat op and see if you still smell.

My god all these ridiculous over the top responses. He’s vile! He’s disgusting! And the classic MN response to everything - He’s abusive! LTB! Honestly it’s no wonder so many of you are in failed relationships. If I stink the one person I’d expect and count on to tell me i stink is my DH. Context is important and how he said it is everything to understand if he’s being cruel or just matter of fact. Based on the OP comments it’s the latter. She either genuinely stinks or he has something going on where he perceives a smell that isn’t there.

As you are breastfeeding, do you change your pads regularly? And bras? I know it's like you haven't got enough to do. But that might help.
My sweating went up a notch after having babies and breastfeeding.
Be kind to yourself x

suburberphobe

He sounds awful.
He should be adoring you as the mother of his child.

Sorry but this is a bit funny and over the top- life isn’t a Hallmark movie!!!

You've got no idea what their relationship is like and have just made this up in your own head that he's a monster who is jealous of his own baby!! Madness!
OP....I went through a stage where my sweat smelt stronger...it was a hormonal thing, I suggest using bionsen antiperspirant, it's also aluminium free so perfect for breastfeeding.
If my partner smelled I'd tell him too...

In seriousness, if the school run for you is actually a walk (as you mentioned dogs)...could you be picking up something highly scented on the way? Such as walking through recent fertiliser, moss, or decaying leaves? Or heavy florals like Jasmine? It's odd that the alleged smell is only allegedly noticeable when you return.

I still vote for Husband to actually DO the school run though.
If you're lucky the inconsiderate guy will step in Dog Sh%$

Normally I would go this way. Book him an appointment at the GP.

Abuse can start at any time. I doubt it is you. I’m hyper sensitive to smells but this sounds like pure bullying.

I also don’t like it when people excuse rudeness or bullying as ‘straight talking’.

Perhaps he could get up earlier and do the school run a few times and see if you smell when he gets back. That could rule in or out the outdoorsy idea. I find those eco-friendly crystal deodorants extremely effective. I carry a spare, as I occasionally need to top up (only once a month or so). Bacteria on clothes that survive a colder wash can reactivate when worn and warmed up - may need antibacterial laundry additive. I had a rotten tooth and could only smell it after I bent over. It seemed to come from outside me (I also searched the house for days for buzzing. It was mild tinnitus). If my OH ever tells me (always supportively and never upsetting me), it's that I've forgotten to shower, rotten trainers, trodden in dog poo or something. Minimise chemicals eg scents around babies. Your DH sounds a bit abrupt and unhelpful.

My OH goes for a run and returns smelling like wet dog. It stinks the entire house out, it is the cold moisture clinging to him from outside. It is extremely noticeable and unpleasant. He showers, and I re-scent the house with oils /incense etc. It is very, very unpleasant but I am also aware I have a strong /keen sense of smell. Could it be this seeing as it's after the school - run? In which case, get some smellies running, have a shower /fresh clothes (children in bathroom with you, quick 5 min shower and change of clothes?).

This is definitely a thing, my husband is very sensitive to 'outdoor ' smell. He tells the dog she stinks every time she comes back from the garden. I am aware of outdoor smell too but it's not unpleasant to me, it's just outdoor air. However, it's very strange that he's only picking up on it now you've had a baby when you have other children and I assume loads of opportunity to experience the outdoors smell before.
I felt I stank in the early weeks of breastfeeding no matter how often I washed or changed, a sickly sweet smell that actually put me off my favourite perfume for life. I used the perfume to try to mask but it didn't really and I ended up with such a negative association towards the perfume that it ruined it for me. Even now (child is now 22) if I smell the perfume on anyone else it's unpleasant for me. I have never smelt breastfeeding from anyone else, and it didn't last more than a month or so not sure what that was about. Your husband shouldn't keep going on about it, surely he knows its impacting your confidence?

I don’t know much about postpartum but wanted to share I have used both fussy and wild deodorant and both made me stink to the point my husband mentioned it so I reverted back to my trusty roll on.

Your husband is rude and tactless!

But I am wondering like a couple of other posters if it's your nursing bras/breast pads. Are you a bit leaky there when you are active i.e. on the school run? I can remember when my milk had leaked, especially if i was also a bit sweaty, the breast pads did have a bit of a whiff, faintly like (fresh) period blood on a pad - sorry if TMI. But more "damp" so I can definitely see the wet dog reference. It wasn't vile though and quite faint, and it disappeared once I was less leaky.

All I can suggest is changing your breast pads and bras regularly and rinsing your boobs with warm water a few times a day, time and situation permitting!

And tell your husband his attitude stinks!

Dh might be a twat but I will say that occasionally I have had this smell on waking in the morning. For me it was either when I was ill with a virus , or when my hormones were out of whack. I described it as a wet straw smell like at a pet shop but wet dog also covers it. I don't think friends would say as it would be impolite. You need to enlist a good friend. Does he say you wake with it? Or is it only after the school run?

I never considered the cold before posting this. Genuinely started to think maybe it was me but couldn't figure out why it was only ever after the morning school run. He does say I smell better after a spray down of something, I just usually took my jumper off and hung it up before I sprayed so that might be why the smell would linger on the jumper too.