Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

Maybe I could have, but as we have been successfully together for the last 30 years, never argue, love each other wildly, treat each other with ultimate respect and kindness, I am quite happy to keep on communicating the way we always have done. As we are a family full of ND blunt works best for us and no offence is ever taken.

My point was one doesn't have to lie to be polite.

And my point was that my husband didn't see what I said or how I said it as impolite. I am autistic, telling DH he smells is fact, it is not said to be spiteful or unkind in anyway. I have enough self awareness to understand that NT are somewhat sensitive and I need to adjust how I put things, so if I was the OP friend on the school run I would down right lie and tell her she didn't smell because NT don't always want to know the truth and it's not worth the hassle for me to work out if that's the correct assumption or not. Sometimes you are just expected to be polite and I don't always know the nuances, is that polite truth or polite lie.

Have you ever stopped to consider he may be on the spectrum or have ADHD or similar?? No one is the same, some people cannot just step out and do what others can do……..

But he was horrible about it!

Till the drip feed later

Its the hormones.... i even went to gp cause was worried what on earth..i never smell... while breastfeeding i sweated and smelled bleh... it will go away once u stop breastfeeding. And if he cant understand that maybe he should go away aswell

So ridiculous you had to take time out of your day to tell me? Honestly, get a life.

The updates that he's autistic (so might lack tact and also have sensory issues around smells) and has said that he is proud of you breastfeeding are somewhat of a drip-feed and profoundly alter my opinion of the situation.

Upon reading your first post, I thought back to a thread from long ago where a poster was showering three times per day and becoming paranoid about body odour because her "D"P said she smelled. She confronted him and eventually he admitted that his dad had advised him to tell her falsely that she smelled because it would keep her from cheating, and that his dad had done it to his mum. Reader, she left him.

So when I see a poster saying that her DH says she smells, that's the alarm bell that now rings. And that's why I asked whether this was your first pregnancy with him, because abuse does often start with the first pregnancy.

I am glad in this instance to be wrong.

One of the OP's updates says he's autistic...

Exactly this. The responses would have been quite different. People responded to the kind of man he appeared to be, based on the OP's post.

Haven’t read the thread but it’s odd that your very tactless husband is the only one who has noticed this. I would have thought you would know whether you smell of not. You can smell you’re own B.O. you know.

Your original post merely said your husband told you you 'stink like a wet dog.' You received comments based entirely on what you had told us there.

If you'd not waited seven pages before drip feeding that he's autistic, if you'd included the info you added in your most recent post - you would have had different advice.

Lashing out at people on Mumsnet going entirely on what you said, plus their experience of men's behaviour, wasn't appropriate.

Shower in the morning not the night before. I always think you can’t be clean after lying in your bed all night possibly sweating etc. don’t wash your hair then you can be in and out after a few minutes. I wash all of my tops after one wear, I know people may not agree with this but I wouldn’t feel clean wearing a top that hasn’t been washed.
you can get 24 hour roll ons, try one. To the people saying he is mean I don’t agree, he would be more mean if he can smell you but didn’t tell you. I would hate to smell and be unaware.
hope something works for you as I can imagine how paranoid you must feel.

Sounds like a him problem and not a you problem.
id make him a gp appointment asap.

Horrible thing to say :( if it was a sweaty smell you'd def smell it yourself. If you can't smell it i can't believe there is a smell. Sounds like he's being unkind.
Saying he's not a beat around the bush person is giving him an excuse to be rude.
A bit like people who tell it like it is..generally rude.

PP i stunk but I could alsp smepp it and it was BO. Apparently a not so common PP surprise apparently to help baby bond with you 😂 I was using an antiperspirant as per Derm advice. Deodranta are just perfune for your pits they don't prevebt smell or sweating at all. Whe6reas an antiperspirants is.e

It no one else and yourself can not smell it then it night be DH. It might be some reaction to prevent pregnan y for a while 😂

Your husband sounds like a nasty little creature, there are much nicer ways to tell someone they smell that saying they stink like a dog….what an asshole
I suppose you didn’t say anything back to him?

If I did smell it's rather he told me

Hmmm I definitely stink for quite a few months when post partum and breastfeeding no matter what I do and it can be as soon as 5 minutes after I’ve had a good scrub in the shower! I had to get a really strong deodorant.

However I can smell myself VERY strongly, it’s everyone else who tells me I’m fine and I don’t know if they’re just being polite or if I can smell it stronger as it’s myself 😅 do you usually have a good sense of smell? It is very normal though and imo not discussed enough! x

I also stank while breastfeeding. My pits were full on stinky! never had it before. its biology. (I read it was part of the whole bonding thing) yeah my DH also said I was stinky, we just laughed about it, as I passed over a baby needing a nappy change, asked if he would like a closer sniff... and went and had a cup of tea..... your friends probably dont notice as they are not getting right up to you. I would chalk it unto one of those things that will sort itself out and relax. one time in your life your allowed to flaunt the stink.
Enjoy the breastfeeding!

Pick something off him, every time.
So maybe like- "You have so many grey hair on your back!! ".....
That way you get to pick off his hair maybe with a pair of blunt tweezers - it might take his mind off your 'smell'
😎😜

"If the OP hasn't showered in the morning then it's not that surprising that she hums a little after the school walk. I don't think it's that complicated."

Well, no, it's not. On days I don't shower in the morning I still wash my armpits and put deodorant on. She's presumably not doing it in her PJs from the night before without any deodorant.
Also 'wet dog' smell is not the smell of sweaty armpits/BO is it? It's something else. And even if her armpits did smell a bit, it shouldn't go all the way through the first layer(s) of clothes to her jumper unless it's problem sweating.

I agree that's an awful thing to say to you OP I'm sorry you've had that.
A woman's body is still adjusting to huge hormone changes after giving birth plus feeding baby.
Our bodies change after giving birth too, how is he coping with the changes?
He needs to be supportive towards you, not insulting nor denigrating.

You could have avoided the thread 'going all Mumsnet' against DH by not drip-feeding the fact that he's autistic!

Yes, there can be a 'nursing mum' smell. Not necessarily strong or offensive, but I've known it exist. 'Breastfeeding hormones? Well, maybe! Baby's heads smell nice too.