Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

When I breastfed I would smell in the morning after showing at night. It’s the hormones.

use a bar of soap and then use the Salt of the earth Salt block deodorant. The smell of sweat is caused by bacteria and the salt block creates a layer those bacteria won’t like to grow in, so it reduces numbers and you smell less.

but yeah wash your top every day.
@Jez2510 I think your partner was harsh in his delivery. You should be treated with kindness.

Well, OP, you are tired of people saying your husband is nasty - OK.
My husband of 20 years would never say anything similar to myself, but then again I never saddled myself with offspring and actually had NO idea what breastfeeding hormones do.
Good luck, at least next time your husband smells let him know as well, nice and clearly.
😐

and he's proud of me for breastfeeding our son and is certainly not jealous! What an accusation to make over one comment! Wow!

If that was aimed at me, then you need to chill out. It wasn’t an accusation, it was a question. My exact words were

‘Are you should sure he’s not trying to make you stop breastfeeding? Jealous of the attention baby is getting etc’.

No accusation, merely a suggestion, based on a similar situation a work colleague was in years ago. If that’s not the case, great, no need to take offence. You posted here for suggestions, all bases will be covered and discussed.

Just explain to him what a wonderful thing you are doing for your baby, how amazing breast milk is at adapting to babies needs and boosting their immune system in the long term. And tell him that even if you are a tiny bit more sweaty he can suck it up!

Guarantee he regularly smells of sweat but that is seen as acceptable because he’s a man.

OP, to be fair, your first post stated that he tells you every day that you “stink like wet dog”. Every day! That’s not just one thoughtless comment, that’s a repeated attack (for want of a better word). And now you come in being all defensive and making excuses for him, but really, what did you expect us to think of him when all we know of him is this one hurtful comment he makes sure to aim at you every day?

Obviously you know him best, but you really haven’t covered him in glory here.

Have you always run hot or is it a breast feeding thing? I ask because when I was breast feeding, I was always boiling and used to have what were basically hot flashes. My doctor said it was due to breast feeding strongly suppressing oestrogen. Are you getting sweaty on the school run and/or leaking milk?

Later, when I went through menopause, I would notice a sort of wet dog smell on myself, right after I'd showered. My husband and friends swore that it didn't smell to them, but it did to me. I switched to a persimmon soap and men's Nivea roll on deodorant and whether it was due to that or the hormones shifting (HRT) it went away.

For that reason, I'm guessing it's a hormonal shift from childbirth/breast feeding and he's more sensitive to your smell than others. I highly doubt it's anything that other people are smelling through your clothes on the school run!

I know I smelled a bit after I had my second child I was still bleeding a lot. My DH never said a thing to me yours sounds vile. Sounds like you are clean and taking care of yourself

He wants you to stop breastfeeding. This is not one single persons choice aside from you and your baby. How horrible that he said it was probably due to hormones whilst breastfeeding. Little man feeling left out perhaps?! Poor little man.

I know you said your husband doesn't like doing the school run but how about if you all went (don't know if he copes okay when you're there) and see if you can smell anything on him after.
I'm not sure if it's hormones, wouldn't that be all the time? Not just after the school run?
If you are seriously worried ask GP. They will be more diplomatic and be able to offer advice if there's a problem. Otherwise try not to worry and I guess DH doesn't have to put up with it for long if he's going to work.
I actually think that some autistic people do have a very sensitive sense of smell. My DD who's autistic can sometimes smell things the rest of us can't. Maybe that's what's happening here.

It sounds very much like gaslighting to me.

I don't for one minute believe you smell like a wet dog after the school run every day. What other things does he "not beat around the bush" about?

OP has already said very clearly that this is not the case.

@Jez2510 I don't know if you've left the thread, but I know my sense of smell was badly affected by covid. It wasn't just a loss of smell but certain things smelled absolutely putrid. Like a rotting vegetable/animal smell.

Worst offenders? Wind and cold running water. Not a joke.

I went out for a run one day about 3 months after having covid. It was start of spring so it was still fairly brisk. Huge gust of wind and suddenly, all I could smell was this rotting smell. I got home ASAP and had a shower, at that point I was having cold showers. it made the smell worse.

I thought that it was me. It took me weeks to figure it out. People reassured me it wasn't me, I smelt fine. Clothes were washed with bio detergent and napisan to rule out odours.

So it could be him having a keen sense of smell and smelling the cold/damp air or it could be his sense of smell having been altered due to a cold or covid.

I’d lean towards the cold factor as well OP. I once had a receptionist job in a very cold (Canadian) place in winter, and the bicycle couriers (who worked all weathers!) who came and went had a very distinctive cold-weather-plus-physical-effort smell. I could sometimes smell them before I could see them! I don’t think it really has anything to do with hygiene.

I bet if you told him he smelt like unwashed foreskins he'd soon stop thinking you smelt like wet dog.

A friend always says she has no airs or graces and says it like it is, just before or after she says something spiteful..

Very convenient he can't do the school run as does like groups of people. Does he work with just two others, never go shopping, to football matches or the pub?

You don’t normally smell of wet dog when breastfeeding……..to start off with though it can make your hormones rage and cause night sweats and hot flushes etc so maybe that is what is happening? It will calm down after a while as your hormones settle down………I don’t really have any advice apart from the weather will get milder soon so you can open up windows and air out the house more which will also help you cool down……..

He's autistic.

Hypersensitivity to smells is quite common in autistic people.

You've had a lot of good practical advice here, which it would make sense to follow.

But it's likely he's picking up the outdoors smell - and doesn't like it.

If this is your first child, dealing with all the changes is difficult for him. Unfortunately it's something you'll need to factor in, in a relationship with a ND person.

Choosing to tell you you stink like a wet dog is not because he's autistic.

It's because he's choosing to be rude.

He doesn't get a free pass.

It's not their first child.

They have a breastfeeding baby and also a school-aged older child - hence the necessity for someone to do "the school run"

Oh OP please ignore all those calling your husband names and creating their own narrative. Unfortunately this forum is full of miserable, bitter women who will turn any little comment or action into it being the man's fault, and project their own issues and insecurities onto others. You know your husband better than anyone here, remember that.

My husband had a peculiar smell and it turned out he had kidney cancer.

I was able to tell he had cancer in his remaining kidney nine months before they showed up on the scan.

You need to tell him to get over it! If you didn't smell to him before, and your friends say they can't notice anything, it's a him problem.

And if he thinks it's the hormones, it was rude of him to say anything at all - not really much you can do about those!

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Well said!
Just also want to add that I absolutely love the way you're taking no shit from the bitter posters on here. Keep being you!

He doesn't do the school run because large crowds make him incredibly anxious. He done the school run while I was in hospital having baby and for several weeks while I was recovering and I'm so proud of him and thankful of him for that but he was reaching his breaking point towards the end and I took over.

You sound extremely protective and coddling of your dh - why is the school run so overwhelming for him? He goes out to work doesn't he?

Also, would you ever tell someone they "stink like wet dog" repeatedly? Not very nice is it? It's obviously making you anxious - you're tying yourself in knots trying to work out what is wrong with you and won't even consider that your dh could be the problem. It's quite worrying that you immediately assume everyone else is lying and HE is the only one who would be truthful.

But - good luck to you, hope you figure it out in the end.

It would also be important not to spend a lifetime of altering her own behaviour and putting her own needs second to support and facilitate her husband.
That will have a far greater impact on the OP than any comments on here from women she has never met.

If he has autism he's likely picking up scents that most other people can't even detect. Also if he's autistic, smells can be distressing, even if it feels mean to tell a person you love they smell.

I would guess, based on my own experiences that it's possibly not that 'you smell' (given your friends don't think you do) but that he can 'smell you' because unfortunately your husband has a nose like a bloodhound.

Finding a way to fix whatever it is (sounds like clothing is most likely) will definitely help him. (Also a personal question but do you scrub? Proper back of the neck scrub?) Occasionally my partner doesn't properly scrub, and just kind of sits in a bath of bubble bath and I can tell, even though no-one else would be able to.