Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

Could it possibly be that your washing machine has that pain in the arse mouldy/foisty odour that is so hard to get rid of? It did my head in for years and I tried every product and 'hack' going, to get it off my 'fresh' laundry. Resolved when I realised that the rubber seal on the front of the drum was holding a lot of water after the wash and needed drying with a cloth. One more throw of the dice ... I own a shop and the back of it where we store things and sit for lunch, smells a bit foisty. It's a very old building with single glazing and draughts, so if you leave your coat on the hook in there for a bit, it starts to smell of the 'shop'. If you have no issues with your husband and marriage (sounds like you don't - it wouldn't bother me if my DH told me I smelled - and took the piss at the same time, but that's just the way our relationship is) it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I think a lot of people on here tell you to leave your partner without a second thought. Only you know how it was said. Could you ask a family member? Sorry if this has already been mentioned as I DRTWT. If you are still worried just go and see your GP. (It couldn't be any worse than my visit this morning where I had to bring up my stools, which smell worse than my dogs🫣)

If the smell is when you do the school run, could your coat need washing?

Oh I would defo go for a sinus issue from him 🫣

is he just a bit insensitive border unkind person the rest of the time?

When my partner comes back from walking the dogs he and they smell. I can only describe it as the smell of the outside, someone else 9n here called it the smell of the cold and I hadn't thought before but it is definitely worse in winter. He can't smell it at all and has no idea what I'm talking about.

If you only smell after the school run I bet it's your coat! If it's gotten wet and not dried repeatedly it will smell like wet dog type smell. Have him sniff the coat see if that's the source

Have you tried switching your shower to the night before?

Are you well hydrated - drinking enough water the evening night before and in the morning? Breastfeeding is dehydrating.

Diet can also be a factor, too much dairy and meat not enough fruit and veg.

It seems very specific and likely exercise related. I wouldn’t bother to ask friends it’s a very specific window and can’t see why it matters.

I really wouldn’t worry and try and stay away from him after the school run, as he leaves soon after anyway!

I second tell your friend to be brutally honest- explain why and take it from there.

I am really perturbed by your post. The only thing which would make it anywhere near okay would be if your DH has sensory sensitivities and is particularly sensitive to smell… maybe. How does he let you know : is it with love and concern or does he seem irritated/ grossed out?
Some men feel really rejected by both mother and new baby and threatened by the closeness and intimacy in the breastfeeding relationship…. I wonder if this is a passive aggressive way of attacking brestfeeding?

and Jesus! When I was 15 weeks postpartum I was lucky to get a shower in once a week and my hair washed ever! I was in baggy arsed joggers with my boobs hanging out and hairy armpits and legs. My sole focus was on feeding my baby; I forgot about everything else. If anyone had told me I stank I would have punched them! In fact my DM told me that I needed to pluck hairs which were sprouting on my chin and I told her that I didn’t give a fuck about chin hair as I was very busy keeping a person alive by myself!

you are doing a magical and wonderful job… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

Can you ask him to do the school run to give you more time and so you're not rushing, sweating, carrying bags
Get a peg for his nose

just read all your posts @Jez2510 … should have done that before posting (note to self for future!)… sorry if I jumped to the assumption of the “bad DH!”. An emotive topic for me as you can tell from my post.

but saying that, you are doing a great job! And I hope you find the source of the “scent”!

Hi OP, I can totally relate to what you’re saying. When I had my second, and was breastfeeding, my husband kept telling me that I smelled bad (in the nicest way that he possibly could, trying not to attend me).

It’s not the nicest thing to hear and it did upset me but no one else agreed (either they were being too nice or they just didn’t get close enough to smell it). This was in the height of summer though and I was sweating excessively and breastfeeding and hormonal so all of that mixed together caused it!

I had no choice but to shower regularly, try different deodorants and change clothes very frequently. It only really stopped when I stopped breastfeeding. I remember searching it on google to check it was normal and apparently it is, it’s the hormones that you get when you’re lactating and breastfeeding that causes it, apparently helps baby to find you easily by your smell?! Anyhow I wish you good luck, try switching different deodorants and body spray etc, and hope it doesn’t last too long for you.

Have you tried Luna? It’s one of those sprays you can use everywhere and it doesn’t cause sensitivity or alter your PH. They are great for gym fresh ups if no time to shower.

what a horrible man

Maybe its just your coat thats a bit sweaty ? If its only on the school run. Is it a bit of baby sick he can smell, Scarf maybe ?
If you're breast feeding maybe he just picks up on the milk.You dont smell. He should be supporting you better so you have some time to grab a quick soak in the bath. 20 mins wouldn't kill him. Make it a herbal one A sprig of eucalyptus tied to the shower head would help his sinus without him even knowing if you tell him it helps your skin instead 😂

Are you breast feeding?

It is hormonal so baby can smell you better. I used a roll on that cost me about £12. It helped more than sprays but I stilled smelled. It will pass.

you probably do then if it’s a repeat thing. Take more care

@Jez2510 could this be the kind of what I call ‘ozone’ smell? If you exert yourself outside you can have this odd smell on you and clothes. DP just changes and showers if he does smell of it …

Yes , I had a bra with slightly thicker fabric/bit of padding ( not that I even needed it lol 😂) and it eventually smelled no matter how I washed it , even washed it with the Dettol laundry add in .
Gave up and binned it

He sounds absolutely charming.

Pay no heed - your DH sounds lovely, and I would rather have someone bluntly honest with me than pretend otherwise.

As a family, we call a spade a spade.

Was trying to cast my mind back into the dim and distant past when I was breastfeeding and I can't really remember smelling - maybe if I leaked?

Do you know him?

I don't think he sounds horrible from how the OP has described him, but in any case, do you think your comment is remotely helpful?!

When I was breastfeeding, I could smell a sort of yeasty smell from myself, which I hated. I have a very keen sense of smell and was very self conscious, it built up during the day (I was showering every morning). My husband didn’t notice it and nobody else mentioned it. I read up on it, and there is a rationale that the smell is to help your baby attach and connect with you.

If your husband is sensitive to smell, this will be very noticeable. I find I notice a lot of body odours or smells in houses etc I am just really sensitive to smell.

In terms of ideas, I think this may be just was again in morning, change clothes more frequently, use a soap like Dove but don’t spray perfumes and stuff all over yourself as it’s not good for the baby.

I think it’s very sad he’s undermining you like this when you have just had a baby and are breast feeding. I bet you don’t smell at all. Let him do the school run and start telling him he stinks when he gets back